Mom de Plume

I said NOW and NOW I meant...

2010-03-29T15:05:00.004+02:00

How often do you savour the moment you are in? I don't mean stop and smell the roses, who has time for that in the rat race that is life in the Noughties? I mean while you are driving at breakneck speed (well within the legal limit of course) to get the kids to school on time, while you hastily make your way through a loaf of bread providing what passes for packed lunch for the family, while you try to fit being a spouse, parent, sibling, child and unique individual person into your hectic schedule of sleeping, eating and working, in no particular order. Our lives are made up of every moment we live, not the ones that have passed, those are our memories, not the ones to come as they do not exist yet. Now. That's what we have. That is what we are missing if we don't take note of at least some of those rapidly passing moments. I have forgotten about Now, until recently.

I was very concerned about whether I had done enough 'living' before settling down to marriage and children. I have. Definitely. But, if I hadn't, what exactly could I do to change it? Hmmm, that's it, nothing. It's passed. I remember it and love it but it is gone now, not to be mourned or regretted, just remembered and learned from.

I spent a lot of time mulling over the best choices to make for our family. As they grow up faster than I can comprehend, am I living in the right place, following the right career path, ever going to have a month where paying the bills is less stressful? Don't know. I can do something about these questions, but only if I Live each moment. If I don't interact with my children, I will one day have grown up children I don't really know, if I don't share special moments with my husband I will have a marriage without a relationship, if I don't notice the world around me Now, I might as well not worry about where I am now or where I want to be in the future, as I will not be aware of it anyway.

I am happy with Now. In my life Now is an amazing place to be. I am in good health, I have a doting (most of the time) husband, two amazing children, I work from home, I have an awesome support network in my friends who I would not do without, I have someone else doing my housework (!) and minding my children after school, I have a lovely garden thanks to a great gardener, and I have the opportunity to increase our monthly earnings by supporting DH in his ever improving business (y'know, to make those bills a little less scary). I also know that it could all be whipped away in the blink of an eye. So, I am savouring Now.

I should think we need an International Now Day, where people get to try it out. Don't stop, I know you don't have time, just savour. I can assure you, you will find happiness in every moment you notice.

It's about time!

2010-03-02T08:36:00.005+02:00

I have been maintaining blog silence for the last couple of months for two reasons:

1. I have been using up all my words trying to earn a living which leaves me a bit spent.

2. I have not really felt like sharing!

Do you ever get those days, which turn into weeks every once in a while, when you feel insular? Not in the right frame of mind to interact with others? It happens to me whenever I really need to recharge my batteries. I have been in that zone for about six weeks now and (thankfully) it is over.

I felt the need to blog for two reasons:

1. Get over yourself, woman!

2. My friend Angus has been diagnosed with lung cancer (having never smoked) and he manages to keep up a positive stream of posts keeping all of us who care in touch with how he is doing. (Go over and have a read... he is a very worthwhile read!) Not shutting himself away to recharge but experiencing life and getting the most out of it. So this chica is taking a leaf out of that book of life and getting over herself.

So these last few weeks in which I have been keeping to myself I have also been indulging myself in precious time spent with my Mum.

Mum and I used to have a tenuous relationship at the best of times, for many and varied reasons. Now we have such a comfortable relationship that while she has been here we have been working at our laptops alongside each other sharing tips, tricks, insight and enthusiasm for our writing projects, getting along like a house on fire! I am a lucky lady! The best part about having Mum to myself is that, when she is not glued to her screen, I have her undivided attention.

In the interests of keeping some words for my working day and another post in the not too distant future... that's all for now!

Timing is everything...

2010-01-05T20:42:00.001+02:00

Especially when your geyser gets hit by lightning (yes we were sitting about 5 metres from it when it tripped the electricity) on Christmas Eve, and there is no one answering the phone at the 24hr insurance call centre. I guess they don't specify 24/7/365.

So that rather loud and heartstopping (and hot stopping) bang was on Thursday evening. By Saturday we were on the last drops of our hot (read tepid) water. So on Sunday we were forced to bathe our hard laboured bodies, with the help of a kettle, in a puddle at the bottom of the bath, prior to settling in for the night. On Monday morning Natal shuddered itself lethargically back into work mode, and we hollered our local electrician. Luckily he was able to get the geyser repaired in a matter of minutes, since the part that was charred to a cinder had a handy replacement in his bakkie. Good thing too, because I do not clean in cold water!

So, I mentioned labour weary bodies. You might think that a bit odd bearing in mind that we were on holiday. But. BUT. Sean and I lost our minds one morning and started spring cleaning. By that I mean we emptied 2 rooms, vacuumed them as well as everything in them and put one of them back into the other. One remained in the dining room (I am refering to furniture here, you understand, as opposed to bricks) and the house looked like a bomb site for 12 hours. More than usual that is.

The following day was more of the same, I suppose, as we could hardly live as we were then for any length of time. Anyway, this spurt of indecent energy expenditure was brought on by the children being covered in bites from some unknown and unseen monster. They looked like they had some terrible lurgy, but were none the worse for wear (having said that a small drop in their energy levels does not actually register on the hyperactivity scale so perhaps I am wrong here) other than a little itchy. Their old room is always damp due to the large shady trees just behind our fence preventing the sun's warmth from drying it out. We also live in a very humid place so hot days make the floors and walls damp.

So, now that our holiday is drawn to a close, we have a whole new home to enjoy. Shannon and Jordan play happily in their new room, whereas they almost never played in their old one, the living area seems so much bigger and more open (it is tiny anyway but the rearranged furniture has created an illusion of space, ha ha).

As for the rest, Sean went back to work yesterday to discover that his main welder has a broken collar bone and that the one company he needed to be open is not! They have, locked behind their sleepy doors, the ballustrade he was meant to install this week! Did I mention the lethargy much of the province suffers from in the New Year? Not a great start for BMO, but other than that great things are afoot!

I am busy getting Shannon ready for Grade 1, she has learned to tie her shoelaces, write her name and write her numbers this holiday, (of course she is a genius and no, I am not biased just because I am her Mummy... lucky me) so hopefully she will be ready and able to participate enthusiastically in her first year of 'big' school!

Jordan is the cutest little thing I have ever clapped eyes on, but it is all a front to his devilish intentions. How difficult to be his doting Mummy!

Happy New Year to you, and I have great dreams for all of us for 2010... watch this space.

A New Year, a new you?

2009-12-23T20:51:00.016+02:00

I have been reminded, by reading a number of other blogs, that I am sort of expected to come up with some New Year's resolutions to help me keep on the straight and narrow in the coming year. Not keen. I must be honest, I really don't have space between the long term goals I have already set myself, and the day to day energy required to keep a household, with an overworked husband and two demanding children, at relative peace.

So, in the interests of finding some inspiration, I googled 'New Year's Resolutions' and every single image of a list had something about weight loss on it somewhere. It still amazes me that, with all this determination there are more of us overweight than not! So anyway, we'll stick that in. Resolution number one: lose weight, tone up!

Though practically perfect in every way, it turns out that I am a bit of a failure in the domestic Goddess front, but am not yet earning enough of an income (read contributing financially to this here household) to avoid household duties with any real excuse. (YUK) Ok, so there is resolution number two. Get a maid.

Hmmm, I guess resolution number three ought to be 'earn enough money to pay for maid', but since that depends on one of my long term goals it is hardly a new resolution.

Resolution number four, don't be hurt by other people's, usually incorrect, opinion of me.

Resolution number five...

Do you know what? I have lots of plans for 2010. Most of them are carry-ons from things I have been working on for a long time, so not really something I can list as about to change as the second hand ticks it's last tock before the New Year, and the rest... well the rest are kind of personal, secret and deep down and I will stick to them because they have meaning to me and mine.

I am not a fan of New Year resolutions because I think we should all be constantly striving for self actualisation. I am. I have a looooong way to go, but I try. Daily. And some day I know it will all pay off, one way or another, with or without listing my intentions at the start of every New Year.

Since some sort of change is always inevitable, I have changed the look of this blog.

Christmas memories

2009-12-14T13:04:00.006+02:00

I have lived in Africa more than half my life and in different life stages, (the first 12 years, 4 in the middle teen years, and the last 5 as a married Mum) and there are certain parts of me that are inextricably linked with Africa. Memories of my childhood, especially, are something I will never let go of, as they give me a sense of belonging, familiarity and something to pass on to my own children. One of my fondest memories is of Christmas in Zimbabwe, surrounded by a Very Large Family (in numbers, not weight) with so much activity, fun, sunshine (yes we still had sunshine in Africa in those days) food, drink and even peace and quiet. Being in the southern hemisphere and it being summer 'n all, there was no snow, and and it was never, never cold. So, to counteract this chilly, rainy day in today's southern hemisphere 'summer' (please can someone explain why global warming is so cold), this is my memory of Christmas in Africa.

My Christmas in Africa is synonymous with the daytime heat beating down on sun kissed children playing noisy games, or splashing in the pool outside, under the watchful eyes of numerous mothers; and all the Dads foregoing the sun to watch - read catch a few hours’ kip in front of - the cricket on TV. My Christmas is all about balmy evenings surrounded by family, the constant chatter punctuated by scraping cutlery on crockery and, always, laughter.

My dad is one of eight siblings and between them they have 21 children, my cousins, sisters and I, and every year we used to gather on a family farm, or in a resort somewhere in Zimbabwe, to spend Christmas together. We had long tables, decorated in silver, green, red and gold, and festively laid with countless plates, knives, forks, spoons and glasses, sometimes under towering trees in the garden, where we ate our Christmas lunch. There was a mountain of presents and always so much food and plenty of drinks flowing to keep everyone merry. But most of all there was family; lots and lots of us all exuding festive cheer.

Now that those children, my cousins and I, have grown up, and some of us had children of our own, the numbers are rather larger, and we are now spread over three continents and at least four countries, so those gatherings are, unfortunately, a distant memory for many of us. A memory that will, however, always be my perfect idea of Christmas in Africa. Now it is time to start making those memories for my children, so that in 20 years they can look back and remember, with great amusement, the things they did for Christmas as children in Africa.

Image credit: www.123greetings.com

Sibling rivalry

2009-12-03T12:24:00.005+02:00

I am convinced that siblings play a greater part in each other's character building than even their parents do and, though it is far from intentional and often the result of temperament and perception than any specific act, it should not be underestimated.

As a child I learned that the best way to avoid feeling like a failure was to do none of the things that my elder sister did. Clare was always more ambitious, more determined and more astute than I so, no matter what natural talent I displayed, if it was in one of her areas of interest, I would always be second best, because she was willing to work harder at it. In some ways it worked beautifully as I did well in the things I chose, in others it may well have backfired, after all Clare is a Dr. of Engineering and I am not anything specific, although writer is the tag I go by now. I think it may also have something to do with vision but that is another blog post altogether.

So my questions are: is sibling rivalry a good thing, a bad thing or a bit of both? and how does a mother help her children to channel their rivalry in a manner that both, or all, children benefit, if that is even possible?

At the moment the biggest issue I have with sibling rivalry is who got which toy first and the whole 'my Mummy' argument in which Shannon delights as it winds her little brother up no end. Despite the three and a half year age gap they are very close and play together well much of the time. As for the rest it drives me to drink (yes, a large glass of red at bed time) trying to persuade Shannon that at five years old she should know that two different coloured blocks of exactly the same dimensions are really not worth fighting over. Or should she? Perhaps I am unfair and should also admonish Jordan, at not yet 2, for caring which one he has.

I am sure that very little harm will come to their developing psychs fighting over lego, however, as they grow older those rivalries will change and I am not sure I will notice in time if one of them is applying my avoidance tactics and pretending that they care less. The downside to that tactic is that it is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy and the drive, ambition and character they both show now may grow dimmer in which ever of the two is the less dominant. Between you, me and cyber space, though I really dislike predicting how children will turn out as adults since they usually surprise even their greatest critics, I think that it will be Shannon who falls into her brother's shadow. I think her need to needle him is already a sign of her knowing that on some level. How do I help her to choose her own path without losing her self and her way in the process?

Perhaps I think too much.

5 things...

2009-11-30T10:33:00.004+02:00

my children said over the weekend that made me laugh:

1. Is it yours Mummy? - Jordan, very innocently, after having been sent to the naughty mat twice for trying to use my make up and not stopping after being asked at least a million times. (No, I am not prone to exageration.)

2. But the car is on water pilot. - Shannon when asked if her brother could have a turn pretending to drive while we waited for Dad to come out of a shop.

3. Daddy! Look at the pantis! - Jordan regarding the praying mantis (which turned out to be a stick insect) that was entangled in the net curtain.

4. Mummy, Shannon's not being my friend! - Jordan... he is not yet 2, I can't help but laugh especially when i know he is just coppering (Shannonism) his sister!

5. Hi, my name is Shannon and when I grow up I want to be a Doctor. - Shannon at her preschool graduation. The other girls picked ballerina or shopping lady (!), and Shannon had been 'practising' ballerina the whole time prior, so where Doctor came from I'll never know, but she surely raised a laugh for her efforts! Oh, and of course I will have to hold her to it. She made her bed...

Happy Holidays???

2009-11-27T14:17:00.004+02:00

What is wrong with Merry Christmas? Why are all (sometimes pagan) Christian ceremonies becoming taboo? And why, for that matter, is it only the Christian ones that are getting laid off? We aren't frowned upon for celebrating Hanukah, and Diwali is still lit up with aplomb. I can understand that asking a non-Christian what their Christian name is might cause a little embarassment but come on. Why is it that in the western world of today, so many Westerners are afraid to stand up and be counted to the point where we renounce our celebrations in disgrace?

I am not implying here that all Westerners are Christians. Far from it in fact. But there are certain celebrations, such as Christmas and Easter that go way back in our cultures, and in fact some stem from Pagan ceremonies, that quite frankly we should just not feel bad about. The problem is that it is not the commercial side of these celebrations that is falling away, but the underlying bits and pieces that make them special. No Nativity plays anymore? In England? Why not? Because it is offensive to other religions? Am I the only person who thinks this is wrong, on so many, many levels? You are in England, respect their customs and their history.

Here's a shocking idea. instead of removing one culture to make others feel better, why don't we just include the new cultures in their own right? Have your Nativity and have your festival of lights celebration too. Culture is not an either/or question. Everyone has a right to their beliefs, rituals, celebrations and ceremonies, why is it so hard to work out that it is better to learn more about other cultures and religions than try to squash them? Especially when the majority of the native population are from that culture. I get that every religion believes they are right and others are wrong, well, if you can't convince others, revel happily in the smug knowledge that you are right, and leave everyone else alone. The world is a small place what with air travel and cyber space and the ability to pretty much live and work anywhere given the required skills. But if you want only your food, your traditions and your religion, stay in your country. If you want to be part of the global community, learn to share. How would it look if the English moved en mass to India and said right, no more Diwali, we find it offends our cultural beliefs? Hmmm, global outcry perhaps?

I am not picking on individual people here so if this doesn't apply to you and you are happy to allow all cultures to live side by side, don't go getting all offended. I am not talking to you. I am talking to whoever it is that is rotting this world with hatred and subterfuge, slowly culling other cultures in a way that is worse than the overt violence of history in its deception. Hating and sabotaging me for somethings that prior generations did is, in fact, immature and counterproductive.

History has not been kind in this area. I realise that. Gross atrocities were carried out globally by many Western societies, and many, many people suffered. Can we get over it? Can we pick up the pieces and move on now? I had nothing to do with any attrocities, and I am now bringing up the next generation that will have had nothing to do with them. Yet we are still paying now for what people did back then. Come on people, we have one planet here, and it's a tiny one all things considered, can't we find a way to enjoy it? At no one else's expense?

Say what?

2009-11-26T10:02:00.006+02:00

OK so, in what could swing from pretentious to self-absorbed and back again like a well wound up pendulum, I have declared myself a writer. Pretentious and self-absorbed I am not, but this is written communication, and everybody (except those who really know me) who reads this blog depends on only words to 'get' me, so how could you possibly know that. Did you know that 55% of effective communication comes from non-verbal cues (facial expression, body language, intonation, etc.). Not really possible to convey non-verbal cues in writing, is it?

Determined I am, however, and thus I must learn how to overcome that 55% efficacy that I am now lacking in the written word. I don't actually believe this is possible as there is no accounting for every frame of reference that creates the myriad prejudices that we suffer on this ever-shrinking planet. Far more experienced writers than I cannot overcome the prejudice lens that blurs the decoding of their message by readers for whom assuming the worst is the most natural reaction. Or perhaps those readers are just picking a fight for the sake of it and because they lack the imagination to find something more productive to do with their time.

I recently took a long overdue foray into the 'bloggoshpere' to catch up on some of my favourite bloggers and was both horrified and entertained to find just such a thing happening over at Pond Parleys. Reading the post from my frame of reference was interesting and entertaining, especially having lived in both the UK and the USA. However, someone took umbrage to Expat Mum's dislike for a certain vegetable casserole, and all hell broke loose. I am quite sure EM meant no offense, rather she was expressing a personal taste. How it could have been misconstrued I will never know. But it really, really was. Really. In fact you should go on over and see the fight that ensued. Great reading!

Having said that it seems important to continually improve the way we communicate, in writing, over the phone and face to face, since there is a good chance we could be going around upsetting people who are narrow minded enough to presume that their's is the only point of view and that anything said that disagrees with it is so obviously wrong. Or maybe I should care less, afterall you can't please all people all the time.

Hiatus

2009-11-25T07:59:00.002+02:00

I know it has been a while but I am here. Sitting at my laptop starting on a new journey. For the last three years I have poured much of my creativity, cognitive effort, time and emotion into doing a degree. It is finished now (results not yet in but here's hoping).

When I started that degree I had a plan. I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted to help others improve their lot, make better decisions and follow new paths. I have learnt more than I thought possible, and not just about psychological theory. I have learned about people, what makes us do the things we do, think what we think and feel myriad, often unrealised emotions. I have learned how we impact our social environment and how it affects us. I have learnt a great deal about how societies, communities and groups function and how people are central to that function.

I have learnt the art of communication and interpersonal skills. I have assimilated those jewels as they have been realised. What a difference effective commnication can make. I have learnt how to research, how to find the most important facts from an agglomeration of information. I have learnt things that I have stored away for future use and things I have incorporated into my daily life. I have learnt one thing that came as a surprise. One thing that has become part of who I am even though I have only been allowed limited pursuit of it due to my other commitments. One thing that I want to grab with both hands and make the most of. I learnt that I am a writer.

So now my journey begins in earnest. I am taking this coming year to focus on making a success of my dream career. Honours will have to wait. I have so much to learn so I better get to it, today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Tinkerbell and the Boy

2009-09-30T08:28:00.004+02:00

Having not been back here for a good few weeks I have a number of interesting developments to update on.

Thanks in no small part to the fabulous Sooze I have finally got a handle on the Boy! I am in disgrace, however as I do not have photo proof as yet, photography being low on my priority list in an increasingly busy life. BUT. But. The days of chasing the Boy down the road, school bags and shopping packets flying in all directions, in an attempt to thwart his escape, have long since passed! Now he gets out the car and is gently coaxed (read dragged) in the general direction in which we are actually headed! Not to mention the screaming boy who attracted those pitying glances from other shoppers as he was manhandled into the trolley seat, who wanted so desparately to get out of the trolley and walk, has turned into the lion satchel toting, independent (though secretly restrained) master of his own universe. I owe you Suzi!

This monologue from Tinks... erm Shannon amused me somewhat and I hope I live long enough to see it materialise:

Shannon: When I am 165 years old the fairies will give me magic. *dramatic pause* And I'll grow a rat that you can only hold by the feet, 'coz if you touch its back, or its head, or its tail it will bite you. *another even more dramatic pause* And it will be poisonous! *dramatic silence*

Since then she has been wearing her fairy wings and skirt at every available opportunity (such as at school today) and insisting on being called Tinkerbell. But NOT Tinks!

As for me, I am working as a volunteer at a brain injury rehabilitation centre called Headway to get some experience and to have something to add to my CV at the end of next year when I will FINALLY be able to start my new career proper and will be looking for a job! I also have exams looming so if there is a longer delay than usual in updating this blog, that is why.

Sean seems to be going from strength to strength with BMO Steel and, though it feels slow it seems to be growing all the time. At the very least he has not been without work since he started and he is more able now to direct his business where he wants it to go, rather than just following where the jobs come from.

Right, I hope you are all up to date enough to go on for a few more weeks... I will add pics of the Boy in his reins when I get round to it!

Positive discipline and the marble jar

2009-09-02T11:54:00.003+02:00

Picture curtesy of
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a1/JM_marbles_01.jpg

I know I am often banging on about how things go in cycles and how we should learn to see and anticipate those cycles in order to be most effective. Well, here is another cycle:

The cycle of discipline (or the lack of it) in my children. This may well be linked to my cyclical way of life but nonetheless it needs some attention.

So we are in a downward spiral of rapidly declining behaviour in this house, which happens from time to time as I relax my expectations and/or lose focus, and the time has come to put a stop to it. I am however, or have been until recently, at my wits end. One of the problems I can't seem to overcome is that, while Shannon is constantly brought to book for her indiscretions on the behaviour front, Jordan has been allowed to get away with a good amount of disastrous behaviour under the guise that he is too little to understand (bad mother). He has been recently subjected to the Naughty Mat, but since he thinks it is a game for me to catch him when he gets up and runs away, I am still figuring his discipline out. In the mean time, Shannon needs to be less victimised and positive discipline has always worked better for her anyway!

In discussing this with another Mum, who is also head of a pre-school, she suggested I try the Marble Jar with Shannon. This ought to stop the shouting and offers a positive form of self discipline that I am reinforcing rather than enforcing. This is an age old method, used by many a parent before me, and for anyone who is keen to try it here is how it works(in theory anyway, I have yet to begin!):

There are two jars, one for Shannon and one for me, for every good behaviour such as tidying up, listening the first time, getting her own things together for school etc, she gets to take a marble from my jar and put it in her jar. For every bad behaviour, she must take one out of her Jar and give it back to me. Once she has a certain number of marbles in her jar she recieves a treat, like stickers for example (she loves those) and if she get more than the target she gets a bigger treat (haven't decided on that yet, but I think I will ask her for her input!)

The fact that shannon herself is doing the rewarding and punishing, in the form of moving marbles, is supposed to lead her to regulate her own behaviour! We shall see. I still have to buy the marbles!

I am going to start on Monday as we are out and about all weekend, so it would be pointless starting now. Until then the Naughty Mat will remain a warm spot to sit. I will keep you posted on the success (or not) unless I lose my own marbles in the interim!

Intelligence vs Porridge Brain

2009-08-24T08:23:00.003+02:00

Having recently had a conversation regarding IQ tests and my obvious average-ness, I couldn't resist taking one I found on Super Mom's blog!

The last time I took an IQ test I was pregnant and unable to move far or fast... evidently my brain was also on a go-slow... that test labeled me distinctly average.

So I took this one and discovered that now, with my brain only functioning for one, I am gifted! With a blog badge to prove it. What a great way to start a monday!

Happy days!

I got an award...

2009-08-19T08:01:00.003+02:00

I am beginning to believe there is some sort of plan regarding how our lives unfold, things seem to be going madly out of control and then something happens to put it all back on track. Meanwhile a lesson has been learned, a behaviour has been changed and relationships have deepened.

Blah blah blah, whatever! I know. I talk too much. Tough.

So I was starting to lose perspective on my self esteem and self confidence, for reasons I'll keep to myself for now... but I have been restored!

I got an award. My first award in the bloggersphere. Thanks Julie from Julie Cornewell's Writer's Notebook! The award is for having great attitude and/or gratitude...

Now I must pass it on and here's how:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.

2. Nominate up to 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude.

3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.

4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

I would like to nominate:

Geriatric Gapper for living life to the full and keeping us all informed, up-to-date and inspired by life after... ahem... a certain age!

Confessions of a (not so ) super Mom for having great insight into normal things and an amazing imagination for the not so normal!

Potty Mummy for her hilarious take on being a Mum and a person too!

Sparx for being so real, so funny and for finding the positive and the humour in some of the most hair-raising Mummy situations!

And last but not least

Not Enough Mud for having such an interesting outlook on life and because she ran the London Marathon...

On top of this fabulous award came the decision to stick to studying next year, I will be good at helping people and I can always be a writer on the side, and an assignment result that can't be beat... 100% for an essay on education!

Feeling more like me again!

2009-07-17T14:22:00.002+02:00

I was chatting to my Mum yesterday and she gently pointed out that I have failed miserably to update this blog recently. Too much work taking up too many words is my excuse. I mentioned that to Mum and then proceeded to tell her of all the antics Jordan has been up to recently... I thought it may as well make for some blogging fodder so here goes:

I don't feel it necessary to explain why but for some completely unknown reason I emptied the vacuum cleaner bag onto the grass as the back of the garden, rather than into, slightly less messily, a plastic packet. It made a little bit of a mess!

Having vastly more important things to do than pick up vacuum cleaner fluff from the grass I thought I would come back to it later, and I left it. Jordan found it.

Mumeeeeeee!!! Mumeeeeee!!! Mumeeeeee!!! had me dashing into the garden to see what life threatening situation the mini monster had got himself into, only to find him, hands clasped behind his back (I kid you not!) staring at the ground. Right near the Fluff.

Mumeeeee!!! lor!!! (floor) (Pointing now, so as to avoid any miscommunication!)
Oooh yes, look at that, how did that happen?
Mess!!!
Yes, it is rather messy!
way!!! (away)!

.....'scuse me?

Since when does the mother get told off by the only-just-1-and-a-half year old?

That's not the only time either! We have Sean's parents staying with us so, in order to make more room in the kitchen, I reorganised it! I merely swapped the microwave with the kettle and toaster to make more work space!

Jordan came home from pre-school and stood in the kitchen, looking from one side to the other. He stood there for a good minute before pointing at the microwave and yelling BACK! Then he pointed at the toaster and kettle and once again yelled BACK!

I may not actually be the one in charge in this house after all!

Catch me if you can!

2009-06-19T08:31:00.004+02:00

I'm a little sad that no one could answer the questions in my previous post. I have so much more I could ask here but, since I have had no responses so far, and I am not in the mood to become irritating, I will drop it. For now.

So, I feel like blogging! Maybe I just feel like writing. On either point I have nothing of value to say so, if you don't suffer fools gladly sign off now.

I have realised that I was wrong. (Ha! That caught your eye, you'll read on just a little now, won't ya!) OK yes, I admit it! Once in a while I can be wrong! I defied the experts (mothers with grown up children) who said that it is virtually impossible to be a working Mum, (even from home, part time) and consistently keep up any form of exercise that requires you to leave the house for any length of time! Well I proved them wrong... for a while... and was feeling very smug about it too! I was running 3 or 4 times a week, for about 6 months, getting out, getting fit, still fitting in my work and my kids and I was loving it. It was summer and the daylight hung around giving me plenty of time in the evenings when Sean got home after kids were fed and bathed to venture out and stretch my legs! It's winter now. It's bloody dark by 5 and, being that I live in the relative danger of South Africa, I can hardly go running after dark now, can I! So now I am sulking. Not only was I wrong about the whole time to exercise thing, I am now feeling rather unfit and flabby again!

But!

Sean has assembled the gym in the garage and my trusty rebounder stands alongside. Perfect in home exercise equipment. Must be time for that. I don't have to leave the house. Well, we shall see, lack of time might be just one excuse better than 'I'm too bloody cold to get changed!' And it doesn't help that my house is at least 3 degrees colder than outside!

I know, don't complain about the weather, there's nothing you can do about it! Well, I never complain when it is warm, or hot. Stifling doesn't get a moan out of me. But cold! It changes me. It clamps down on my mind and no amount of positive personal pep talking can budge it. At least in England there is central heating indoors. And Suzi, bless her, has a roaring log fire melting the frosty claws that dare to force their way through her windows and doors.

I am unprepared for the cold. That may be my only problem. For now I can't change that. I feel a little rebelious.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2009-06-17T09:20:00.005+02:00

You know when you get the feeling someone is trying to tell you something? When certain 'reminders' crop up here, there and every where? Everywhere you turn the same message is written on the wall? Well, that's been happening to me for about 2 months now! It happened here where Expatmum had me in stitches with her take on the Good Wife Guide from the 1950s, as well as in numerous conversations, FWD: emails, on the radio. Everywhere. It all indicates what I am supposed to be doing but not why or how! And let's face it, I've never been good at blindly following rules!

I am a modern woman. Can't help it really, it's just part of who I am and I have recently, for whatever reason, been continually reminded that I am supposed to put my husband first as he is head of the household. Really? Is that still true? What of equal partnerships, women being as important as men and respect for each other?

Now, I have no problem with respecting my husband, I take no umbridge with the role I play in our relationship, I have no issue with seeing his point of view. But surely he must equally see mine? Have equal respect for me, accept and fulfil his role in our relationship? Is the MAN as head of the house not a little archeaic? OK, I am going to bore you now by saying that I am lucky in that the man I married does not see himself as head of our household. He seems to ascribe to my version of coupledom. We are a team. We make decisions together. If our points of view differ we discuss it (sometimes rather loudly, if I am honest) and we choose the RIGHT option in the end. Not mine. Not his. He plays his role and I play mine. If we both tried to do the same thing half the necessary work would be left unattended. If we both tried to do all of it we would suffer nervous breakdowns. We defined our roles and now we fulfil them. Is this not a healthier way of building a marriage? And as far as I am concerned the children come first. For both of us.

Where does it say that a man is superior? Where does it say that a man has better judgement in all circumstances? Where does it say that men and women are not equal? That social labelling was firmly affixed by men. Thousands of years ago. Perhaps because they COULD get out of the home since women were more adept at nurturing than men were. I think that modern marriages would have a better chance of survival if husbands and wives showed equal respect for each other. Just because the man earns the money in a household doesn't mean he does the lions share of the work or has more responsibility. He has a role to play. Just because the woman stays at home (and let's be honest there are not many women who do so anymore with the need for two income households) does not mean she does not play an equal part in the work or the responsibility that makes a family. She has a role to play. Perhaps I have misunderstood the signs? Perhaps there is a flipside to the discussion that says to husbands that they ought to put their wives first? Perhaps by having an equal partnership we put each other first?

Defined roles, teamwork, equal effort and equal R-E-S-P-E-C-T are the cornerstones of a successful, fulfilling and happy modern marriage.

My biggest question in this regard, I think, is does this mean I am supposed to put my husband ahead of my children and if so how? They are completely different relationships. The love for a spouse requires constant work, the love for children is unconditional. The expectations of the relationship are different and the needs of children differ from the needs of husbands. We do not ascribe to the 'because I said so' or 'becuause I am the Mother/Father' rules of parenting. We believe in respecting our children too, believing that this will teach them that respect is earned and not just given.

It seems like it is a moot point bearing in mind that our marriage is already built on an equal footing. But then why the bombardment with the same message? What am I missing here?

Of hair and being 4

2009-05-29T09:44:00.005+02:00

When I was a little girl I was blessed with whispy, fly-away, style-less hair, coupled with a high forehead to give an overall slightly odd look at all times. I never really cared, I was not that kind of child! Since then I have tried numerous short styles, settling for the tousled crew cut I now sport. And will for ever more! Hair is just not my strong point.

For 4 years now I have resisted the fringe effect for young Shannon, determined that she would eventually grow thick long, blond tresses to be the envy of all. Sadly I think I may be deluded and, though in looks she is just like her Dad, she has the misfortune of having inherited my hair!

So I cut it. A short bob with a fringe that seamlessly frames her face making her look oh so much more adorable than she did before. I have embraced the fringe!

Shannon was over the moon with her new haircut, which happenend on Saturday afternoon. She couldn't wait to get to school on Monday for all her friends to see. And she was flocked, little girls of four and five oohing and aahing over the new stylish chica amongst them. Shannon came over to me once the parade had ended and said quietly: Mommy, I love you. Thank you for cutting my hair.

Then it all went horribly wrong. Yesterday one of the girls in her class said Shannon looked ugly because now she looks like a boy! I was not surprised to hear that this had her dissovling into floods of tears and left her tearful for the rest of the day. Even this morning she seemed not to have recovered fully! One person put her down and now she believes that everyone else was talking rubbish and, in fact, she really looks terrible! Something makes me want to take that little girl and shave her head!

Now I must undo the damage to her delicate self-esteem and convince her, once again, that she is beautiful with her new haircut! And not at all like a boy.

The thing is, once I am over my protective mother emotions, I am amazed at the importance placed, by very little girls, on their appearance and the need to be accepted. How delicate their emotions really are. And how easily one wrong word can ruin their little world! Once again I had fallen off the attention wagon and assumed that nothing could really be wrong in my babies worlds because I love them. A bit egocentric don't you think? So now, I am more attentive and watchful to ensure they recieve the attention they need from me, while at the same time hopelessly aware that I cannot protect them forever from the big bad world!

Job requirements... Epic Fail?

2009-05-27T08:31:00.004+02:00

I've come to a conclusion. I would make a terrible counsellor.

I always believed, at least until recently, that I would make a great counsellor: I can see other people's point of view almost as clearly as my own, I worked through my own issues and reached a state of higher understanding about being me, I want to help other people improve their lot and I am a caring and empathic person. It turns out I may be deluded.

Behind the above facade lies a whole different person screaming to get out! This person says: get over yourself, pull your socks up and cope! This person prefers to speak than listen! This person judges others against her better judgement. OK, no not really.

I really do feel I understand how people work, better than many others do(hmmm maybe I am deluded). In fact I have no real hangups about how or what other people are. I just want everybody to be happy and successful! Oh and world peace wouldn't be a bad thing either!

So, where I fail really in the whole job requirements for counsellor story is here: I had an idyllic childhood, I belong to a stable and loving family, I was given a good education and guided through life's harder decisions by parents who knew enough to allow me autonomy, while at the same time making sure I was safe, I am now in a stable, happy marriage and have two children who are adored and provided with boundaries to help them become content and successful adults. OK, so I was a bit misunderstood as a teenager and also tended to misunderstand a lot about the world, but that is more normal than not!

So where are my experiences of things traumatic? How can I counsel someone who has been raped, since I have no idea what they are going through? How can I counsel alcoholics or drug addicts when I've not walked a mile in their shoes. How can I help someone who is having a nervous breakdown, if I've never felt the stress that they are feeling? How can I empathise with an abused woman who won't leave her husband, when I've never been beaten or abused? How can I? Not authentically.

I am not all out of ideas though. I have had some experiences, that other people have all the time. Some can cope with them and some can't. Those who can't can be shown how to do so and be taught what to expect and different ways to handle it. I am still thinking about it. It is already done. It should be. I'll think about it some more and blog about it when I am ready!

When I am qualified as a counsellor I will see if I have anything authentic to offer. Until then, I'll be a writer!

on cycles, astrology and being me

2009-05-22T11:41:00.004+02:00

I am done being cognitively driven for the moment and have decided to do a little soul searching. Don't know why, or where I am going with this, so please bear with me! Knowing me it will end up cognitively driven anyway... let's see, eh?

Oh, and it's a little long winded so look away now if you are in phase 3!

It is quite apparent, and has been for a long time, although I have chosen to mostly ignore the fact, that I work in cycles. This is not just true of me, but also some of my discerning friends who have noticed a similar sense of their own capabilities. Recently I have decided to pay more attention to my natural tendancies and allow them to guide me rather than trying to override them with positive, self-castigating pep talks. The result has been satisfying, interesting and a little frustrating!

It sounds a bit bi-polar actually. It's not, just so you know! What I haven't yet worked out is how long I take to complete an entire revolution, but I find myself moving, fairly smoothly from highly efficient, motivated, determined and outgoing to demotivated, almost completely inefficient, not bothered and withdrawn into my shell. As I say, this happens fairly smoothly, so I am not bouncing up and down like a yo yo! Nor is it easy to notice the actual time of transition! The motivated phase (P1) moves to some sort of Zen phase (P2) where, though I find it easy enough to do the things I need to do, I am less bothered if they are not perfect or done straight away, this slowly revolves to the whole can't be bothered, don't care, can't bring myself to do anything productive phase (P3), and then I am on the upward curve again back to Zen (P4) followed by highly motivated!

So, what does this twaddle mean, right? It means becoming more intuitive. Listening more carefully to who we are rather than what we want! What it means is that during P1 I can do everything, I can be a great Mum, a brilliant wife, my house is immaculate, my work is finished to a high standard in record time and I am the life and soul of the party. Phase 2 and 4 render me capable of completing all my tasks fairly well, I am perhaps a little less attentive, a little more inwardly focussed, slightly less aware of those around me. BUT. Phase 3, the sucker, makes me desperate for isolation, me time, down time, my housework starts to fall behind, even though I try very hard to force myself to do it, blogging is a no go as my words all seem to dry up, I am impatient with my children and inattentive towards my husband. I have always really struggled with this, thinking things like: what's wrong with me? Why can't I just get on like I usually do? Why am I eating so much (!)?

Ok where are we going with this? So, knowing that the cycle exists allows me to understand where I stand with me! How much I can expect of myself and that overcoming it requires careful reflection, planning and knowing myself a good deal better than I do now. So far I have managed to stop fighting phase 3! But, being a Virgo, and therefore desperate for perfection, I still need to find a way to get things done during the down time! So I am now working on trying to figure out just how long the cycle takes. I am currently emerging from phase 3 I think, I may however have just entered it (not completely au fait with this yet!) as things are still a bit of a chore and I am not feeling very life-and-soul-of-party-ish.

Yes, yes, I know, off on one of my wierd tangents once again. No! Not this time. It feels right! Knowing our natural selves makes life a whole lot easier as, rather than fighting our natural disposition, the mind will (it has to) start working with our intuition rather than against it. Being in tune with who we are must lead to a happier, more content, more satisfying existence, versus thinking that we can make ourselves feel better through eating, shopping or gossiping. Feel better first... then indulge ourselves!

So the crux of the situation is that I am attempting to become more intune with the natural me and take back control from the cognitive me, which is highly dominant! One step closer to perfection! *sigh* (Oh, there's Virgo again!)

Anyone else out there got any fabulous insights in this regard?

I've been away...

2009-05-21T13:48:00.005+02:00

...and there was no internet and the dog ate the computer! That's my excuse for not blogging and I'm sticking to it.

Actually it may have more to do with writing other stuff and not having any words left, but there you go. And here I am, back again!

Since my last post my Mum has been to visit... and returned to Turkey... and is, in fact, already packing for her next trip, to another daughter. Mum's visiting all three of us this year: South Africa, England then Australia. What a life! We had an awesome time together. The best we ever have, I think. It was great to have her to myself for once since, though those of you who know me may not agree, I am the least talkative of us three sisters! I love to talk, that's a given but, when in a room with my darling sisters, it can be a little difficult to make myself heard sometimes. Just an observation you understand! Mum spoiled us rotten, as is her wont and we laughed and played at being writers, we shopped, we ate chocolate. The dark stuff. Shannon was a little bemused that her granny doesn't knit but, since Mum devised a brilliant game for Shannon to play which involves learning to read without noticing, she got the thumbs up anyway! It was fantastic, come again Mum, but try to bring Dad with you too!!

Yesterday I made the huge decision, (I say I made the decision rather than we as Sean put his faith in me to choose and left me to it) at least it feels huge to me, of which school to send Shannon to next year! She starts 'big' school and we have chosen a lovely little school about 3km from home which I am so pleased I went to see as I had sort of written it off thanks to some incorrect information about it. Just goes to show you should always find out things for yourself before making a judgement, even if your source is usually very reliable! So Shannon is off to Forest View Primary School next year - just have to sort out all the paperwork. Ugh.

Jordan is growing outwards and upwards but still has only 4 teeth! He is 17 months old for goodness sake! I wouldn't mind so much if he didn't spend so much time trying to grow more teeth! Honestly! Otherwise he is completely adorable and very naughty!

Shannon is all long, skinny arms and legs and seems to be having one growth spurt after another. Just as I've restocked the cupboards after one bout of growing, she's eaten the lot again. A little advice, don't buy tights or trousers that fit a 4-5 year old! Rather buy them for a 15 year old and let them grow into them!

Sean seems to have really found his place in the world with steel fabrication. He has a lilt in his voice and a spring in his step that I have not seen or heard for a long time! He is still under enourmous pressure from a cash flow point of view, but the work just keeps coming in.

And as for me, I have decided to postpone my honours degree for a year (yes, I will have a Bachelor of Arts Degree by the end of this year! How time flies!) in view of being a full time writer! The career of my dreams, let's see if I can pull it off!

Well that's it for now! I think we're up to date! So, 'til the next time...

Word games

2009-04-21T09:29:00.002+02:00

A child learning to speak, starting with the very first words all the way through to trying to get their grammar correct, and the right suffix on a word, is one of the most amazing developmental processes to bear witness to.

Jordan is stepping boldly into this world with his version of what he hears and can already, to his mother's ear, say Mummy, Daddy, Shannon (Nana), bottle (bobble), car, play, up (blup), no, yip(somehow 'yes' has eluded him), dog (do), door, (do) - yes I know they are the same, it's the context that alters them - among other things. I watch with facsination as, everyday, he adds another recognisable sound to his repertoir.

Shannon, being the chatterbox that she is, is well on her way to talking correctly in every aspect (although she still adds endings that she seems to think make more sense than the real one, or put words in an order that she prefers!) so, in the interests of keeping things interesting we play word games with her. When she was younger this used to consist of the following interaction:

Mummy: Shannon, say fossilised
Shannon: I can't
Mummy: what can't you say
Shannon: fothilithed

very cute!

Then we went through this stage:

Mummy: Shannon, say fossilised
Shannon: I can't
Mummy: what can't you say
Shannon: I can't say what you said (got brains that child)

recently this has started:

Mummy: Shannon say photosynthesis
Shannon: photosynthesis

Mummy: Shannon say multidisciplinary
Shannon: multidisciplinary

Mummy: Shannon say metamorphosis
Shannon: metamorphosis

... when did that happen??? I can't seem to catch her out any more... I need more words people, how can I challenge her diction if all the words are too easy for her? hmmm maybe we should move on to meanings. Shannon's first, that'll bring some interesting ideas to light. Asked what Daddies are made from she replied wood, and Mummies, apparently, are made from water and strawberries! Glad I'm a Mummy!

Around the world in 80 clicks

2009-04-20T11:33:00.002+02:00

Exciting things are afoot! For the first time in my blogging existence I have been tagged to take part in a meme that's doing the rounds. Thanks Sparx you've made my day!

So in the interests of playing my part...

Here are the rules: Write a post of your own about 5 things that you love about being a Mum. Tag 5 bloggers - someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country - and link back to me here and finally go to Her Bad Mother and leave a comment.

Ok, 5 things that I love about being a Mum are:

1. trying to make myself believe that these two adorable little beings are there for me to love, nurture and interact with all the time. I am wholly responsible for 2 little people(Eek). Nearly 5 years on I am still over-awed by the fact that I helped to create real little people and who they are, and what they get out of life starts with how much love and interaction I share with them. That's a huge responsibility and an amazing privilege!

2. having an excuse to sit and colour in while other adults go about preparing food and doing the dishes. I would really love to help, but the children will all be underfoot and causing trouble if I don't keep them entertained... really!

3. seeing life through my own mother's eyes and beginning to understand our relationship from her point of view. This is a neverending chain of changing relationships as daughter becomes mother, and I am part of that chain.

4. seeing the world through the eyes of a child and realising that the little things, like chasing butterflies and saying 'I love you' are more important than the hustle and bustle of life in the fast lane.

5. getting to see the children's faces when they are given a surprise or a treat that they were dying to have: Disbelief mixed with wow-Mum-is-the-greatest/-magic/-the-cleverest-bestest person in the whole world!

So, that's my five and now I tag, in the interests of keeping it international, Expatmum in the USA, Reluctant Mem in Tanzania, Potty Mummy in Bonny Blighty, my own Mum, Geriatric Gapper, in Turkey, and because I enjoy her story so much, So Close, from Cape Town, South Africa. What are your favourite things about being a Mum?

Comments 101

2009-04-16T08:05:00.004+02:00

Right, people. In the interests of making this blog more attractive to NON Family members I have decided to write more posts, more regularly. The idea of a blog, other than to keep family up to date on the goings on in our lives, is to join a whole new community of similar minded people and interact with them in the blogsphere.

As it stands I do interact with them... on their blogs. So the question is, how do I get them to come over to visit me? The technlogy in this seems to elude me - please feel free to enlighten me if you know what I have to do there - so I have decided that more posts, more regularly is a good place to start.

I also think that perhaps more comments might make me more visible to all those search engines. So, in the interests of giving me a step up, I need your help. I know that many family read this, so please leave a comment every now and then...

Here's how:

Click on the word 'comments' at the bottom of the post
Fill in the comment box with anything you feel like saying (preferably nice and preferably on topic)
Fill in the funny word so I know you are not a hacker and then
If you don't have a google account select either Name (url is optional) and fill in your name, or Annonymous if you prefer to remain so
Click 'publish your comment' and voila you will be part of my virtual community

Right, now there are NO excuses. Please do your bit for this poor lonely blogger!

Dilemma:

2009-04-15T08:21:00.002+02:00

How long do you go on doing a favour for someone after you realise they are using you and are not even grateful?

I have been giving someone's maid a lift back to the complex everyday after I drop the kids at school. I don't mind but it does have its downsides: I am committed to coming home after the school run every day and am unable to change my mind at the last minute and go and get the shopping out the way, or pop in to the library, because I have to bring the maid back first. I forwent this freedom and arranged my life so that I could do this favour.

Yesterday I didn't realise, through my own inattention, that she had asked me to give the maid a lift home when I fetched the kids. So I happily drove on by oblivious. Later I recieved a very accusatory sms saying the poor woman had had to start walking and this person's Mother-in-Law had had to take her herself. I appologised. It was my oversight. I have heard nothing back. On top of this, I might just add that she almost never said thank you or even bothered to stick her head out the door to say good morning when I dropped the maid off. I am sure I was doing her a favour. I felt as though I was working for her.

I am not the kind of person who needs recognition for helping out and can, in fact, happily do things for people who don't even know it was me doing the deed! But in this instnace I suppose I just expected a bit of politeness and to not be taken for granted. Needless to say, I no longer will be fetching the maid and will have my time back as my own.

Is this selfish of me? What would you do in the same situation?

Is there such a thing as too much chocolate?

2009-04-14T08:35:00.004+02:00

I am afraid (yes I know, I know, it's chocolate) that I have to say a resounding YES! But only in certain circumstances including ones where will power is required to resist consumption and others where most of it (the chocolate rather than the will power) is actually Shannon's.

The Easter weekend has passed and we were, as usual, conservative with what we bought, perhaps knowing that the urge to indulge our beautiful children may be too much for others to bear. It was and they were, as usual, spoilt by those whose priviledge it is to do so! So, now we have a fridge full of chocolate and nowhere to keep the veggies. *sigh* The trouble is... will power is one of the last things on my list of self help requirements. In fact we can safely say I haven't even considered attempting to overcome my grossly obvious lack of it, after all you only live once.

Instead I have changed the way I shop (i.e. no chocolates, sweets, puddings or biscuits get bought so no will power required to limit my intake) and the way I think about food so that I feel more than a little self righteous about my healthy choices, rather than feeling sore that I am not indulging in my greatest fantasy: a chocolate eating marathon. Followed by my second: eat as many ribs as you can with chips on the side! Ok, I digress...

SO. Easter is over. The fridge is full of chocolate and somehow screaming my name. I am home alone.

*Who will even know?*

Family ties

2009-04-10T20:29:00.004+02:00

This time of the year is all about family for me. As a child I remember large gatherings of my extensive family in one place or another with an abundance of different characters in whose company and familiarity one could indulge. I think, somehow, I took it for granted. All those important people were always there and always the same. We are fewer now, and yet more. Some of the prominent characters have moved on to greener pastures, others have just begun their sojourn within the comforting confines of the family. Branches have been added as other families have joined the original one. We are all related. Somehow.

I am determined, now, not to take it for granted. To enjoy and file away to memory all the bits and pieces that make up the memory of Family. I want to indulge in each age group within the herd, know what they want, feel and know. Understand them and remember how they are, so in years from now I can say: Way back then... and the memories will be a part of all of us.

Last night we had an awesome gathering of family. Only 2 generations, and only those that still live in these parts. But we still numbered 12 people (if we count Jordan who slept through the whole event). I talked more than I have for a long time. On every topic from the end of the world to life choices. I hope I listened too. But we chatted non stop. And I could because I feel accepted. Because they know me. Because I am part of the family. I can speak my mind and be part of their stories. I belong.

As luck would have it I will be getting an added dose of family over this long weekend of family-ness. Part of my first family is in town, here to indulge their craving for sun, sand and sea. And they are here on mass. It is so important to me to keep abreast with that part of me. I share the same blood line. They are part of who I am genetically and personally. They watched me grow up, change over the years (hopefully), accepted my addition to our family and then, in turn, were excited and happy when our new little bundles joined the ranks. I belong there too.

On top of that, the following week another extension of that extensive family will find their way here. And then Mum arrives for a flying visit. I am smiling now as it seems that it can't possibly be just this time of year that is all about family, for once my first family have returned to their respective homes, those from my new family who no longer live here, descend upon us. We will all be together. Three Generations: Parents, three children and their spouses and all the grandchildren. Life for me is all about relationships and experiences. I hope they will always remain entwined.

Mother's pride

2009-04-09T09:24:00.002+02:00

Before I begin I just have a little Shannonism to tell:

I was talking to Shannon about Grannies as she was wondering why hers never fetch her from school the way other children's grannies do. So I told her about how my Mummy and Daddy and Sean's Mummy and Daddy live very far away and that we get special time with them when they come to visit. So we talked about Mum coming to visit and how she would do puzzles and read books with Shannon and... Shannon looked at me sideways and said: 'why will she do puzzles? Doesn't she do knitting?' Ah, stereotypes from a 4 year old!

So. I have it on good authority that a mother's love is the strongest kind. Without really trying most mothers develop a bond with their children that nothing could break. And so it should be. I would say that whoever designed it that way knew women (according to Shannon God is a girl... she is adamant about that...) extremely well. I have two children who I adore with every fibre in me, and yet...

When I look in the mirror I see more weight than I would like to be carrying: I got that from 2 revoltingly weighty pregnancies; I have a wrinkly, flabby tummy (from the same 2 pregnancies) that strikes the bikini from my wardrobe forever; every time I think I have a minute to myself I find I have to get up to fetch milk, make a sandwich, wipe up sick, run the bath, sweep mud back into the garden, clean crayon off the walls, cook supper (and then be moaned at because no one wants to eat vegetables)...

And I do it all. I love my babies more and more every day. I can sit and watch them play, watch their facial expressions change, their abilities improve (Jordan can now climb up onto most things that are above his head height - and when you say Get Down he giggles triumphantly!) I can watch them grow and develop into the people they will be and I get to love them and be loved unconditionally in return.

But, damn... when I look in the mirror... *sigh*

Being a Mum is no easy task: it takes away most of your independence (since you usually have little people in tow where ever you go) is demanding, tiring, frustrating and never ending. Yet, I would still endure all of that and loads more, for the privledge of having my children. So here's to that well designed, unbreakable bond of a mother's love for her children!

And a large glass of wine at the end of the day never hurt either!

Do what?

2009-03-20T14:56:00.004+02:00

The reason I have been *missing* for the last few days can be attributed completely to the incompetence of Telkom, my ISP, and their inability to either protect my bandwidth from theft, or to assist me in reconnecting to the new user name I paid good money to use. Luckily I am blessed with brains and a very understanding husband, between the two of us we got it sorted!

This post is, however, not an anti Telkom vent, infact I wouldn't afford them the priveledge! It is, among other things, because Shannon's solution to keeping Jordan in check is somewhat faulty. Here's how it played out:

Me: I think I should spin the vacuum cleaner around the house.
Shannon: Yay, we can pretend to get scared of the noise and go aaagghhhhh (faulty in itself but not the worst of it)
Me: How will we keep Jordan from getting in the way?
Shannon (with very little consideration, thankfully): Just tie him down, Mummy!

Jordan started creche just last week and seems to have settled in straight away. He spent much of his first day saying NO! to the teacher and shaking his finger at her when she wouldn't let him do the naughty things he was trying to do. His second day was much improved, however, and it seems that it has been a good decision all round. This month he is only going 2 days a week and next month he will go 4 days a week!

We also seem to have overcome the sleep issue. Accidentally. Here's how it happened: I put Jordan down for his nap and the phone rang. I left him in his pram and went to answer the phone. When I came back he was asleep. Next he went to school and at his nap time they chucked (not literally you understand) him in a cot and he went to sleep. I retrieved his cot from the garage, put him in it at bed time and... he went to sleep.

He still wakes up in the night but ususally only once and that is definitly manageable!

Now I need to rant. I am still breast feeding Jordan at 14 months. I have low oestrogen levels. In order to combat that a medically trained person recommended that I must wean him now (which is fine, I have started as it happens but for reasons other than these) as, and I quote: it has absolutely no benefit to him now and he is just using you for a dummy!

I beg your pardon? She is a nurse! Where was she taught and which archaeic medical professional told her that? Perhaps I am misinformed but I have always believed that:

1. breast milk is still nutritionally rich - that's why they make follow on formula for bottle fed babies older than 12 months

2. breast milk has components that aid in brain development and the longer the child is breast fed the longer they are able to use those chemicals (DHA being one of them) and the better they will cope with living and learning.

3. breastfed babies are lower risk from MANY problems occurring in kids today including obesity, allergies and behavioural disorders.

4. breast feeding lowers risk to the mother of breast cancer and osteoporosis

5. it is emotionally beneficial to both mother and child. Children whose emotional needs are met as babies and toddlers (and breast feeding is the most amazing emotional staff for babies) grow up to be more independent and better at coping.

I am not saying here that anyone who has not breastfed has done their child a disservice, only that it is not useless post 12 months! If I am wrong on any of these accounts please tell me.

Phew! I feel better now!

That dam wall and the dolphin show

2009-03-04T08:22:00.011+02:00

We live in a beautiful area of KwaZulu Natal, surrounded by every colour, sight and sound that nature has to offer... and then some. For some reason, however (for argument's sake we'll say global warming), our natural environment seems to have lost its sense of humour. The weather is taking its toll.

Recently we have had destructive winds, rain, thunder, lightening and hail hurling their wrath upon us in a most unnecessary manner. The latest in this trail of destruction was (nearly) our house and, most definitely, our conservancy. The rain that dropped out of the sky on Saturday was rather alarming to say the least especially as, for some reason, it started to fill up the garden. That has never happened before! So, having made makeshift sand bags from refuse bags stuffed with wet towels, we had to find a way to avert certain disaster. After threatening to knock over the little wall around the drains, heeding my request to make another plan and dashing round the garden to research the next best course of action, Sean knocked some fence posts out (then rebuilt it later while it was still raining - bit of a go-getter, our Sean) and dug a trench which, luckily, drained the water quite quickly and we soon saw grass again.

That, sadly, was just the tip of the iceberg, however, as, just below our homes, in the gorge, is a conservancy with 2 little dams... at least there used to be. Now there is a conservancy with one little dam and a rather swollen river.

Oh, and a big mud hole 30 odd metres across where the other dam used to be. No more fishing. Although, on the bright side, Sean reckons he can now restock his fishing box with all the tackle he, and others, have lost in the middle of the dam on previous fishing trips.

I haven't shown Shannon yet. I think she will be horrified. I will take her down on Saturday, maybe. Jordan will think someone just made the MOST fun new playground for him so perhaps I will strap him in his pram for the duration... hmm, that'll be interesting.

So, having had a rather wet Saturday, we were all gagging to get out on Sunday. Since our fabulous friends Les, Ollie and little Sam, were here to visit, they decided to treat us to a trip to Ushaka Marine World.

Once again, as in this post, Shannon was spell bound. Jordan and Sam were equally spellbound - for all of about 10 minutes. Having said that Sam sat intently through the Dolphin show while Jordan screamed his lungs out until I started dancing with him on my shoulders.

I guess he just couldn't stand the MC chap without whom the show would have been a good deal better. It was, however, amazing to see those huge dolphins strutting their stuff!!!

The aquarium was full of fish, amazingly, and people doing various shark diving and snorkling activities. They were funny to look at from underneath! Lunch was delicious and Shannon managed to put away 2 whole icecreams!!! Thanks, Les and Ollie, for a great day out!

Just trying to work something out

2009-02-24T15:17:00.003+02:00

I am teetering on the edge of Can't Be Bothered. And, incidentally, Denial. Denial because Can't Be Bothered is actually a symptom of something deeper that I can't lay a finger on, not the problem itself. A lack of motivation? Unlike me. I usually potter along easily to the beat of my routine! And so where is this precipice on which I find myself?

I have many, many things to do: finalise paperwork for visas, finish and send off a unit of my diploma, join an organisation for a module of my degree, renew my driver's licence, renew Shannon's passport, apply for Jordan's passport, start assignments whose deadlines loom closer every day, write an article... yet another looming deadline... oh and cook, colour in, bath children, run...

It's not that I don't enjoy any of the tasks that make up my day. I do, in fact, enjoy almost every one of them. The incidentals are a bit of a bore but necessary nonetheless. It's just that I feel like there are bigger things afoot and that I ought to stop concentrating on all these little things and focus on the big picture. The problem is that the big picture is made up of all the little things without which there would be no picture. Am I right?

Maybe I need chocolate... or perhaps it is less serious than that?

So maybe I am losing focus? Hmmm, that sounds about right, actually. I need to focus on the 'why' behind the picture - What do all the little tasks add up to? Where will they take me? What will become of me if I do/ don't do them? - Then gather myself together and tackle each task a little bit at a time.

Ah, another insight... it's all a little overwhelming too. Having so many small tasks to concentrate on has great potential to cause unravelling. I need to put the big picture on the wall and add bits as I go, to each separate concept, little by little, building up until the next stage is complete. So deep breath, focus and... look out Salvador Dali!!!

Eenie Meenie Miney Mo

2009-02-11T12:13:00.003+02:00

The thing is I am such a wonderful Mummy that my son wants to spend his every waking hour with me. Cute, eh? Perhaps, and in an ideal world this would be heaven for me.

In that ideal world I would be just-a mum. (yes I know it never works like that but I did mention a world that is ideal) I would get my adorable, well behaved cherubs up at around 7 in the morning - in preference to the 5.30 am rude awakening I generally receive - They would cheerfully eat all their breakfast, in one go, and take their empty bowls to the kitchen. We would then engage in learning/constructive play all morning, during which they would hang, spell bound, on my every word, following which we would have lunch, with adorable cherubs consuming all their veggies without a second thought. The afternoon would include a trip to the shops and then free play. Then Sean would come home from work and attend to bath time, supper time and bedtime while I languish comfortably on the couch, glass of wine in hand waiting for my own supper to be served! hmm I seem to have removed myself to another universe, rather than just an ideal world.

Ah well, back to reality. I have a number of tasks, during the day, which require my undivided attention. Jordan is supposed to play with Dorcas while I concentrate. The problem is: He Wants To Play With Me.

My options are:

1. wait for the phase to pass if it ever does????
2. send him to school with Shannon and do the housework myself?????

Not sure I like either option actually. Presumably, in order to avoid making a decision, I will end up with option 1. Bother!

Discipline...

2009-02-05T08:46:00.004+02:00

...or the lack of it, is the most prevalent concern in the Hendry household at the moment. Shannon seems to be doing ok, as long as I remember that she is four years old and a normal four year old:

jumps on the couches and beds when possible
bounces off the walls
runs, hops and jumps everywhere she goes
and is VERY VERY loud!

No, it is Jordan who is causing trouble and depleting the reserves of Rescue! I have taken to saying 'NO' firmly, leaving no one in any doubt that they are doing something wrong. No one, that is, except Jordan, who bursts into tears as if his world is ending and goes right back to doing what it was he got in trouble for. I have, I am sorry to admit, tried smacking his tiny little hand as it goes for the things he is not allowed to touch, like my computer/mouse/keyboard (can you say accidental ctrl/A/delete?) and I get the same reaction: distraught tears and a return to the scene of the crime! *sigh* I can't send him to the bathroom or make him sit on the naughty mat as he would not have a clue what was going on!

So what is my plan of action?... um ....I think... perhaps I should... OK, I admit, I am at a loss. How do I discipline a 1 year old who merely thinks I am ruining his fun when I get cross with him? Either I can't remember this from Shannon 3 and a half years ago (yes, I have probably blocked it out in order to dupe me into believing it is safe to have a second child!) or she was just better at listening. At least THEN she was! Ok, ok I am deluded and suffering from some sort of amnesia but back to my question: What do I do now???

Other than this:

In the mean time...

2009-01-29T20:02:00.005+02:00

...2 very important birthdays have come and gone, at such a speed they have left their cards flapping in their breeze.

Jordan turned 1 on January 15. I can't believe a year has passed already, and how he has changed in that time amazes me. He is a proper little boy now. No longer a baby. He understands simple instructions. I ask him: where are your blocks? and he beckons me to follow him to fetch them from his room. When I say bath time, he heads for the bath room. If he is hungry he drags his high chair towards the fridge. When he hear me pick up the car keys he says 'bye bye' and goes to the door. He is only 1. Only just. But he knows and understands far more than I give him credit for. He is adorable. At least I think so, I his Mum, I'm allowed to see all the special bits only. If I want to.

Sean turned 41 on January 24. Sean was already pretty good at simple instructions. We are working on the more complicated ones now: where are your keys? When he is hungry he.... OK, stop making fun of him, 41 is not THAT old! Moving swiftly on... His birthday present? A steel business. His own. Officially BMO Steel Fabrication is trading from Monday, February 2nd. I, for one, am very excited. Sean is aprehensive, as anyone would be on the verge of something that means so much to them. I am proud of him. I know this is his big success story.

Happy birthday to my boys, here's wishing you have many, many more and you spend them all with Shannon and me!

A little perspective, if I may...

2009-01-22T12:35:00.006+02:00

We are in the process of making yet more life furthering decisions. Sean is starting up in business partnership in his continual drive for improvements in our lives, I have successfully negotiated 2 years of a degree and am well set to meet the requirements to continue my professional development once I finish this year. Our children are growing up fast and the years are ticking by. As they do so our marriage grows stronger, our family bond has become the foundation on which we make our decisions and our children continue to light the way to our future. And so we must strive to live and make our lives what we want them to be. That’s why we do what we do. It has never been clearer.

Sean and I are intelligent, individual people, with hopes, fears, dreams and realities, just like everybody else. Due to the paths in life we have taken, we are where we are now: a full time mother, wife and student, and a husband, father and earner. We are different to many other people. Our lives have ensured that. We have been places and experienced things that other people only read about in books. We may not have years of career behind us, but we have years of life experiences. Life is too short to only spend it planning for the future. We have lived. Now we are realigning our needs and wants, ticking the right boxes, ready for the next stage. It is yet another experience. We are living.

Sean has found, after many years of searching, an industry in which he feels comfortable, and one where he sees the potential to fulfil his drive for financial security. He has been given a huge leg up, for which he is extremely grateful. But he is ambitious and wishes to constantly improve the lifestyle that he provides for his family. He can’t do that by standing still and waiting for handouts. He can do that by investing in himself and his natural talent for all things practical. Why wait? Why put off something that can potentially change our current situation for the better? Even if it is only a little bit better, better is always good. Isn’t that a valuable way to live a life? I believe in Sean; he has an uncanny understanding of things that appear murky and confusing to others (including myself, often), but he usually proves himself right in the end. Belief is a powerful tool that we can use to improve our lot, lacking faith in one’s self removes that power, so we strive to maintain it. Sean will go far self-employed in the right industry. That is our goal.

Another way that Sean and I are attempting to improve our situation is by furthering my education and allowing me the time to do that as quickly and as well as possible. We are happy to live life as we do in order to make this a possibility. If this means that we must go without a few things, then so be it. Once I am qualified I will be able to increase our financial stability and future prospects, alongside Sean, far more than I would if we concerned ourselves with our current situation and I went to work full time now. Once again, why wait? My earning potential is currently very low and the expense of full time care for our children and the extra petrol money would make it a waste of time. Before Shannon is even in senior primary, and Jordan starts school, I will be a bona fide psychologist. That is our goal.

Something else that is of huge importance to us is the way we raise our children. We are in the enviable position that enables me to stay at home with Shannon and Jordan. I am here whenever they are here. I believe that gives them an invaluable start to life, knowing that I am always a constant in their lives. I realise and appreciate how lucky we are that we can offer this to our children. Once again if sacrifices have to be made to allow this, then that's what we will do. This is another reason I do not go to work. We are lucky that our lives have worked out in this way. Had I developed my career earlier I would be compelled to work in order not to fall behind. By the time I am ready to lauch myself back into the working world Shannon and Jordan will both be at school/creche and they will need me less. Timing is everything.

Long term security rather than instant gratification are our objectives; if we do not do what we are doing we will not achieve them. They are our decisions. We have made them carefully and thoughtfully in the best interests of our family. Life has taught us many lessons which we have learned and implemented in a way that has broadened our horizons and opened our minds. We have grown as people and have come to the point we are at now through much discussion, understanding and experience. We are capable. Our continued belief in what we are doing will help us to fulfil our reality. That is something that I know! Having learnt life's lessons thus far has paved the way for 2009 to be the year we step up a level, and every year after that will be yet another step up. Each new life stage offers a chance to change and improve on what has come before. Now is our spring board into the future. Until the next one, onwards and upwards.

And another thing...

2009-01-21T12:15:00.003+02:00

Ok, just so you know, the start to the year has been a little frustrating. I am a creature who requires routine, activites and time limits in order to function. At all. This obsession (no, that is not too strong a word for it!) is happily satisfied most of the time and, being the psychologically mature adult that I am, I am able to cope admirably with the odd diversion into chaos. However. Chaos seems to be the main thread so far this year, with the occasional return to routine (perhaps the only thing keeping me out of the clutches of men in white coats)

Did I mention that Jordan is, shall we say active and intrigued by the world. He displays these traits by attempting to handle, take apart and/or distroy anything he can get his grubby little paws on. He is VERY cute and his life saving attribute is his perfect timing with returning to the adorable little cherub I know he is, JUST in the nick of time. Thank heavens for Dorcas or I would be in BIG trouble!!!

My next distruption comes in the form of forms. If you read my last post you will know I am trying to get my applications for various things in order. This means that I have to go off and do things that do not fit into my routine and always take more time than I expect and are just plain frustrating. At least I have my finger prints now... so on to the next step!

Oh and my wonderful university seems to lack personel. I think the dispatch department exists, as I have recieved most of my study material, but I am loath to put any faith in the existence of any other useful or necessary people or departments. Mostly because I have been trying to contact them for nearly a month with a registration issue I have, and have got through to ONE PERSON! And as it turned out she couldn't hlep me anyway... just picked up the phone at someone else's desk!!! Great institution. Really.

My planned daily routine for 2009 went something like this:

Monday to Friday
7:45am drop Shannon at school and fetch Dorcas

8am start personal admin

8.30am start work on one of my 3 jobs (degree, diploma or writing)

10am coffee break

12pm lunch break

12.30 continue working

2.30 drop Dorcas off and fetch Shannon

4.30pm children's bath time

5.30pm children's supper time

6.30pm Children's bed time, breath and then relax.

I am managing everything except the bit between 8am and 2.30pm. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH

Sometime in all that time I like to fit in a run or some rebounding just to allow me to continue to to keep the chocolate makers in business!!

The other thing I have to do is update this blog with the following posts:

Jordan's first birthday (that was a week ago already)

And a look into my total lack of will power in relation to choclate, and in fact any other snacky food I can get my hands on. May have something to do with the lack of routine,but as I say that is a whole other post!!!

Ah well, I will keep on keeping on in the hope that things will soon fall into place and I can make that routine work for me!!! Wish me luck!

Forms, forms and more forms! Part 1!

2009-01-12T13:47:00.003+02:00

2009 is a year of sorting things. In this wonderful part of the world that means a fair amount of red tape and time delays.

1. Sean investigated the possiblity of arming himself in the interests of protecting us from some of the more dangerous inhabitants of our province, only to discover that doing so legally would take almost a year. Obtaining something illegally would take a matter of days but it is not something we are interested in so unarmed we remain!

2. I am trying to change one of the modules I have registered for this year (due to a lack of prior planning I am registered for a module I have not done prerequisites for) Seems there is no one working at UNISA any more and I will just have to get on and do it and hope they give me my degree at the end of it! (OK I am not that gung ho, I will persevere until it is sorted but c'mon, is there a need!!!)

3. We spent the morning at Home Affairs on Friday only to discover that my application for permanent residence will take a year to 15 months to go through... is that NORMAL??? Oh and they told us I can convert my temporary residence permit to a business owner one and work for myself. Now they tell me. 4 years later! Thanks guys!!!

4. The form that I was given to fill in in the interests of changing my permit says I have to have R2 5 ooo ooo in the bank in order to do so. I think it may be the wrong form! I hope!

5. I have to get police clearance from the SAPS to say that I am a nice upstanding citizen but I must take the forms etc away from them and I must send all the stuff off myself as they will probably get it wrong!!!!! Great!

Ah well, here goes nothing!

This year...

2009-01-07T13:25:00.005+02:00

...I resolve to earn millions and live happily ever after! Really! This year!

Seems my posts are a little thin on the ground at the moment. Here are my excuses: Shannon is on holiday, Jordan requires six pairs of eyes watching him at all times to prevent total destruction of either himself or his surroundings. I only have 1 pair last time I checked so everything is not safe.

So, Christmas and New Year happened. I think. At least that may be what the blur was that flashed past at the end of 2008. I have a good feeling about them so must have been enjoyed by all. As I said, a bit of a blur. Someone said to me that the way the earth has erroded over the years means it is smaller and therefore spins faster on it's axis and so time has sped up. Not sure how that works with hours, minutes and seconds, but after this recent festive season I feel I may begin to believe it!

Anyway, here we are in 2009 and big things are afoot. Jordan walks. He gave it a proper shot on New Years day and had it mastered by the second day! He also climbs. Which is where the 6 pairs of eyes come in. My little angel boy has been known to remove plants, roots and all, from their pots, relieve glasses of their very useful, and in fact necessary, arms, and do back flips off the couch. The latter ended with him landing deftly on his head where he now sports a carpet imprinted bruise to be proud of. The fact that people will think I beat my children over the head with carpet covered blunt objects was perhaps not considered prior to the event! And my glasses are currently convalescing out of reach with glue in all the right places - hopefully! I remain optimistic... for now! Slowly transferring the pot plants to the garden is my only defence in that area.

Shannon seems to be getting longer and skinnier as the weeks pass, I am holding out for her to fill out a bit before her next growth spurt in the interests of not snapping in the middle. Other than that she is very interested in everything that is going on to the point that her incessant questioning of 'who was that, Mom' or 'who were you speaking to?' or 'what did she say, mom?' or 'where are we going?' 'who is coming here?' 'why did you do that?' may be the last straw with my insanity! aaaaaggghhhhhhhh! School starts next week, they can share some of the inquisition!!! Shannon is a fabulous big sister and has assumed the role of pair of eyes number 3 in the hope of salvaging some of her own things from destruction.

That's all I have time for, The Destructor is awake and I must return to sentry duty. Happy 2009! This is a good year!

Unintended Charitable Donations

2008-12-17T08:50:00.006+02:00

When we lived in Zimbabwe, many, many years ago, we were broken into and robbed on more than a few occasions. Mum slowly but surely lost all her valuable jewellery. Her ever pragmatic attitude to this was that she could not be accused of not doing her part for charity in Africa.

Last night I donated my favourite black leather handbag that my Mum bought me for my birthday and gold watch which Sean and I had 'His 'n Her's' of!

I went out to ladies night Christmas dinner and Sean and the kids were at home. Sean was up late (for us) and didn't go to bed until about 10:30. 20 minutes later he was woken by the noise of people in the back garden. He called me to see if it was me trying to get in but I was still at the party. He called again a few minutes later to say he thought they'd gone and I came home.

We tried to work out (rather optimistically I suppose) if it had been a big cat coming though the window but were confused as to why the window was open all the way (we always leave them on the first latch to keep cats and monkeys out!) We could also see something on the grass in the back garden. Since it is not good practice to go wandering round in the dark in South Africa we left it til morning to go and see what it was. Turned out to be the contents of my handbag. At least the things with no commercial value. luckily there were no important things in there and, in fact, the handbag and watch (which was in it) and a few Rands from my purse are the only real things lost!

My bag is usually put away but last night I left it behind at the last minute and left it on the table... NOT near a window... at least not within arms reach. Turns out a rake can reach quite a long way into a small house!!! It wasn't even our rake! It belongs to our neighbour and has been missing for a few days! They must have seen the bag before the curtains were closed and then waited til Sean went to bed (about 3 HOURS later) to reach in and get it.

THEN! Then they stood outside the window. Ate some sweets that were in my bag. One each. Left the wrappers on the grass and my notebook on the wall. And a few foot prints, big ones of an adult man and little ones... boys school shoes I think, just so we could be absolutely sure they are audacious and couldn't care less if we know who they are. Sean looked out the window which possibly made them turn slowly and wander off. He didn't see them though. They were still going through my bag as they left since they dropped my handcream on the path by the neighbour's house. They kept my reciepts. Presumably to claim against tax? And my medical aid card. The old one.

I think the thing that pisses me off the most is that they didn't snatch my bag and run in fear of getting caught, but that they casually hung around to wait for Sean to go to bed and then reached right into our house with a rake, and then stood around, no more than a metre from the window, choosing what to take with them. Bastards.

On the plus side it was a non violent crime, no one came inside, no one was hurt and Shannon does not even know that something happened. This time. Which gives us a chance to improve our security and our awareness so that we can continue to remain safe. At least in our home.

And it strengthens my resolve to get all our ducks in a row so we can move somewhere less crime ridden!

NOTE ADDED: They also took a bag from No. 10 in the complex - she got off less lightly and lost her ID book, driver's license, bank cards et al!!!

No comment

2008-12-10T12:46:00.016+02:00

I have recently been reprimanded, by a number of people who regularly fail to leave a comment on this blog and therefore should forgive me for believing they are not actually reading it anyway, for not having updated in a fair while.

So here I am again, back at the keyboard and poised to pour out my most interesting news and views.

Just feeling a little feak and weeble about it, actually. That may have something to do with the time of year; with the fact that my son, who I am sure was only born recently, will be 11months old soon; the fact that Christmas is in 2 weeks and I've only just noticed; and the fact that I seem to have mislaid about 6 months of this year somewhere along the way. I am hoping they are mislaid and not lost completely as I could use the time. Really.

So some relief comes from the fact that I have finished and passed my 2nd year exams and a little anxiety from having just registered for 3rd year. I have also embarked, perhaps in a moment of madness, on a diploma to compliment my degree. Did I mention I have a husband, two small children and a (sort of) job? Is there a need? Luckily I enjoy all of my jobs and once rested from all of them will be ready to launch myself into 2009 with determination and vigour. What's that you say? I don't get a holiday? All three? *sigh*

My son is a terror, albeit a happy one, and is inclined to do whatever it takes to achieve his desire. Even if it means potential race to the emergency room. Climbing up is his new game. At 11 months. He has not mastered the art of climbing off or down, and has chosen falling as his prefered method of descent. Height notwithstanding. That's boys for you, I am told! He has 4 teeth and is on the verge of walking; at the moment he can manage one step unsupported, but that usually shocks him so much he sits down with a bump. He like to have his own way and will pull Shannon's hair as hard as he can if she tries to stop him. She still tries. Ah, the optimism of a 4 year old.

My little princess has suddenly become tall and leggy at the grand age of 4 and a half. There is very little padding between skin and bone, and clothes that fit her last month are now too short in the arms and legs! With any luck she will fill out a little before she shoots up again or I fear for the elasticity of her skin! It's not as if I don't feed her!!!! She is as healthy as a horse. Just a bit bean pole-ish! She got a glowing report from creche which says that she is, as I suspected, practically perfect in every way. Oops, there's the doting Mum bit!

Sean is on a mission, as is his wont, to improve our lives once again in 2009! Watch this space...

Right, for a bit of a weak and feeble start, that turned out to be less painful than expected. I'm off to make brownies!!!

It came out of nowhere

2008-11-15T07:37:00.005+02:00

At least that is what it seemed like. Today has dawned a gorgeous African summer day, making yesterday's experience seem like something in a dream. Yesterday dawned like that too. I headed to Durban to write my exam with that feeling of awe and... and... actually words fail me here. I can't describe the feeling that a real summer's day in Africa brings. You have to be here. Experience it. It lulled us into a sense of summer happiness. Falsely.

At about 2pm, out of nowhere (I suppose it came from somewhere, we just didn't see it coming) a tornado hit. Sean was in the little town near where we live and luckily was parked underground because from where he was he watched trees being ripped out of the ground. A prefab building collapsed in front of him. It was empty. He went to check. The wind was ferocious. The rain came down in sheets. Thunder didn't rumble. It split the air with its anger. We are about 7km away from where Sean was.

It went from sunny to so dark it may as well have been night time in a matter of moments. I unplugged everything and shut all the windows. We were lucky. We caught the edge of it. The power went out. It made the darkness even more intense. Our garden furniture blew around a bit and the trees were bent in half. One came down in our complex. But that was it. Less than 2ks away our friends house lost its roof, their house is full of water and they still have no power. They are safe though.

Roofs have come off buildings all over the place, trees are strewn great distances from where they were once rooted, cars have been squashed by buildings and trees. The worst damage, as it always seems to be, was in the settlement near where we live. 400 houses were blown away. Over 1000 people are homeless. Cars were blown around. 8 people are dead. 8 so far.

Today you wouldn't know. Wouldn't believe it if someone told you. It is dead calm. The sun is hot at 8am. The birds are calling and the monkeys have come to visit. Out there is the evidence. The devastation of people's lives. And it came out of nowhere.

Conversations with Dad...

2008-11-12T09:22:00.005+02:00

Dad prior to going shopping for a braai: Shannon, what's you favourite meat on the braai (BBQ)?
Shannon after earnest consideration: Chips!
Dad: Speechless

Shannon while Dad was donning a suit to go to a funeral: Dad you look like a maniac!
Dad: Speechless

Shannon at 5 this morning when Sean got up to see why all the lights were on: Dad, why doesn't the light on the garanda work?
Dad amused that she has actually checked: because the fitting is broken.
Shannon on a mission: I know how to fix it.
Dad intrigued: How?
Shannon duh!!! Parents know nothing: Don't go to your work. Go straight passed your work to the builders work and tell them to fix it. Builders know how to fix it!
Dad: Speechless

Luckily I was not in the same room as them for any of these conversations as their sincerity would have been ruined by my giggles!!!

It's that time of year again....

2008-10-30T10:19:00.002+02:00

Summer. With its glorious warmth, beautiful blue skies, dramatic thunderstorms and snakes. Yep. Snakes. I have never been a HUGE fan of these legless reptiles but now that I have small children running and crawling around the garden, oblivious to any danger (and one at an age where new and interesting things should always be picked up and investigated) they scare the you know what from you know where leaving me even more paranoid than usual!!!!

There was one at a friends house not too long ago. Then one at the house at the end of our street. Today one outside the back door. It was small. A night adder. Not too dangerous. No KNOWN fatalities. Except perhaps if you only weigh 9.5kg. And are likely to pick it up. Or 15kg and likely to stand on one before you notice it!

So summer is here. Time to play in the garden is over til winter again. *Sigh* I can't do that. I do know that I can't do that. But what can I do to prevent either a nasty snake bite on tiny people or anxiety attacks for their mother. Anyone know any natural snake repellents? Although the snakes are natural monkey and robber repellents. I'm off to find the rescue remedy. I may need something stronger this time!!!

I need to vent

2008-10-09T13:59:00.004+02:00

...and this seems as good a place as any.

I am studying a degree through distance learning. That means limited or no contact with lecturers. They are also impossible to get hold of on the phone or via email as they hardly ever respond. So one of the things I have come to rely on to check whether I am on track with my learning is the feedback we receive on assignments.

There is a module that I am doing which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I think it has been badly taught/written and (here's my vent) they have categorically told us THERE IS NO FEEDBACK ON ASSIGNMENTS. The first assignment was multiple choice. I got 2 questions wrong out of 25 - but I have no idea which ones. OK - not the end of the world, I can possibly work that one out. That still doesn't help me with why I was wrong. The other assignment was written answers. It was unmarked as it was not a compulsory assignment, and THERE IS NO FEEDBACK.

Here's the crunch: It provides the basis for half of the exam. I have absolutely no way of knowing how I have done on this assignment. If I use my answers to revise for the exam I could be completely off track. That means I could fail my exam! I feel like I am being blindfolded, led down the garden path and then, with blindfold intact, asked to describe what I can see.

I feel that the people who designed this module are lazy and incompetent and need to be replaced with people who understand the need for FEEDBACK.

Right, if I am venting for no reason and this is a normal state of affairs in a learning process, please let me know. I will feel better. It will probably improve my mindset. If I am vindicated in my frustration, help! I need to change my mindset or this exam is going to cripple me. I will be well into revision by the end of tomorrow so please watch this space! I will endeavour to acquire some positivity between now and then!

How many chidren does it take...

2008-10-06T11:26:00.002+02:00

...to convince a mother to trust her instincts?

We seem to have solved the sleep issue. Separation anxiety. What in the world made me believe that something that felt so unnatural would be the best thing for my baby boy? Especially when I did the complete opposite with Shannon. As soon as Shannon was big enough for us not to be worried about squashing her, she slept in our bed. That's why we didn't have sleep problems with her. That's part of the reason she is such a confident, balanced child. It wasn't impossible to get her into her own bed. Sometimes she still comes back to ours. It's comforting. It's natural.

All my instincts have been screaming against me for the last month, while I have tried to force my poor little boy into an unnatural sleeping ideal. Because the books said so. Because I was worried about getting enough sleep to be alert for my exams. I didn't hear. Maybe I wasn't listening. One benefit of this exercise is that it has taught him to self soothe. It has also taught me to trust my instincts. I seem to walk a fine line between parenting the way science believes I should and the way something deep inside me believes I should. Once again I am seeing the world through my children's eyes and learning. I have learned that mothering is about what is right for parent and child. Individually. Uniquely in each relationship with each precious child. I have learned that science has helped us to develop a yard stick but that it must be used as just that. Not as the difinitive answer.

I trust myself more now. I trust Jordan, too, to let me know what is best for him when I feel a bit lost. We are all much happier now. Shannon had become very emotional. I think it had a lot to do with something feeling Not Quite Right. She seems a bit better the last day or two also. Mothers, remember: you know best!

I'm having a moment

2008-10-02T08:44:00.003+02:00

So it's that time of year again for me. Exams start on Tuesday and go on for 6 weeks. *sigh* I'm tired. I was tired last year at exam time as I was nearly 7 months pregnant which, for me, means fat, frumpy, swollen, sore, grumpy, over emotional and unable to sleep. (have I mentioned that I have my 2 kids and now this factory is CLOSED?)

This year my son is 8 months old and doesn't sleep. Well he does sleep but not in a manner that allows much sleep for me. In the morning he sleeps at around 9am, for about 30 mins. At 1ish pm he sleeps for about an hour. He has a crazy 4pm sleep which he can't cope without (otherwise he falls asleep, unable to go on, at 5:30 and then he wakes up at about 6:30 and won't go back to sleep) and goes to bed at 6:45. He then wakes up anything from 3 to 7 times before 5:30am when he is up and rearing to go for the day. Why? *sigh*

So when he wakes up he feeds. I know that this may be a habit but he really feeds. A proper full feed. Not just that suck to get back to sleep thing; as if I haven't fed him for a week. He self soothes at nap time and at bed time. He is put in his cot and he goes to sleep. So why doesn't he soothe himself back to sleep in the night? My tether is getting very short.

The other problem, which may be related, is his eating habits. For a little boy who is gaining weight in the 97th percentile, he sure doesn't eat very well. Sometimes he will wolf down his food but at other times (more often) I can get barely a table spoon into his mouth the whole day. Then I resort to Marie biscuits since he always eats those. Yet he never goes off the milk. So it's not like he's not hungry. Bear with me: *sigh*

I feel like a first time Mum on this one. I don't know what to do. Shannon ate fairly well (not so any more but that is a whole other post) and, though she didn't sleep through til she was nearly 2 and a half, she only woke once or twice in the night for feeds until about 13 months and then just for a cuddle or to get in our bed for about a year after that. I easily conditioned to that. I think. Perhaps I have forgotten.

I am really tired this morning. Perhaps I shouldn't be posting at all, I am exposing my vulnerability. It is a mind set, right. Pick yourself up and keep going, it won't last forever. And those exams. Let's hope the work done over the year pays off; revision is a little difficult when my brain keeps falling asleep.

*sigh* I guess this is why mothers are blessed with the ability to love their children unconditionally! Good thing he so adorable eh?

A sense of home

2008-09-26T10:56:00.000+02:00

I grew up in a wonderfully unusual manner which involved not only moving house and school, but also moving country every couple of years. This means that, while still at home, I lived in 4 countries (Zimbabwe, Spain, Argentina and South Africa), on 3 continents (Africa, Europe, South America) and went to 2 primary schools and 3 senior schools. Since leaving home I have lived in a further 3 countries (England, America and South Africa) once again on 3 different continents (I'll let you work that one out). No, we are not evading the long arm of the law or dodging taxes, my parents are teachers, well they were then, they are now much more than that, and we moved from international school to international school. Where am I going with this?

Ah yes.

I feel a little flighty. I can list the myriad advantages to living this kind of lifestyle, to being exposed first hand to the many and varied cultures, languages, viewpoints and cuisines, to having a narrow child's mind opened up to the wonders of the world, learning far more than school could ever teach, I could go on. What I don't seem to have is deep roots. I am still trying to decide if I mind this very much. The world is continually changing and therefore seems to me a great place to venture out into. What I want to know is whether or not I will ever really feel rooted in one place. Will my children have a base they call home, where they store their treasured memories until they have a home of their own? Is it important? Will 'home' be where ever we are or where ever they are? Home for me now is where I am with Sean, Shannon and Jordan. When I go to my parents (in which ever country they are at the time) the accessories are always the same. Those familiar things plus the presence of my Mum and Dad also feel like home. Perhaps 'home' is a state of mind?

I was chatting about this with a friend recently and this was the perspective I got: She is surrounded by 3 generations of her immediate family; parents, brother and sister, husband, her own children and her nephews. All in one province in South Africa. That is roots. She feels inclined to stay put. Our families, both mine and Sean's, are a little less sure footed than that - or perhaps more sure footed and therefore more likely to travel. We are strewn across the following countries:

Turkey - My Geriatric Gappers
Spain - Sean's parents
England - My sister, brother-in-law, niece, sister-in-law and nephew, uncles, aunts and cousins
Australia - My other sister plus various cousins
New Zealand - A cousin
The High Seas - Sean's aunt and uncle who are currently trying to decide where to settle
Zimbabwe - A multitude of aunts, uncles and cousins
South Africa - My brother-in-law, sister-in-law, 2 nieces a nephew, various aunts, uncles and cousins and, of course, my hubby, myself and 2 adorable children

This makes the world a fairly small place. We are mostly all in touch to one degree or another and so the distances between us blur a little. I do not feel inclined to stay put. There is the crime factor that sends me into a frenzy of Moving On, but that does slip to the back of my mind and I love my life. But I still don't feel rooted here.

I wonder if the next place will be the last stop? I wonder if Shannon and Jordan will feel inclined to travel the world as I have. I hope so. I hope they always come home and tell me about it afterward. Where ever that may be. After some consideration I think I like the big world to be a small place that I can wonder through without fearing it. But I will put down roots. Somewhere. Sometime.

More magic moments!

2008-09-22T11:23:00.005+02:00

Shannon has learnt the art of Storming Off in a Huff. I am not sure where she picked it up from but when she does it it always makes me giggle. I can't help it. I try not to let her hear as I am well aware that it is very important to validate her feelings. I know I am supposed to let her know that it is OK to be cross, and to teach her how to process those feelings in a socially acceptable way. But it's cute. I can picture the teenage Shannon in 10 years time reading this and being cross with me for not taking her seriously. Sorry hun, I do, but it's too precious.

The other day Shannon had Stormed Off in a Huff and then slowly worked her way back to the living room in order to be closer to her favourite spot in the centre of attention. She had her back to me, sitting on the floor with her head in her arms, resting against the couch. I continued pretending to read a magazine while watching her intently.

After a while she sat up with a look of wonder in her eyes and said: "Do you know what we saw at school, Mommy?" "What did you see at school?" I inquired calmly. "A grasshopper!" she exclaimed. "What colour was it?" I asked. "Brown," said she "but I'm still angry!" After a second of glaring at me she returned to her position of huff and that was that.

It was a magic moment!

Here's another one:

There is a couple in our community who are both very tall. The gentleman must be over seven foot tall and his wife is by no means towered over by him. They are an elderly couple and so, luckily have many years experience of dealing with people looking at them in wonder. I am sure they have seen this before:

Sean, Shannon, Jordan and I were heading into a shop which this couple were coming out of. Shannon, as normal for small children, was not looking where she was going. At the last minute she turned round, looked up and said "Wow!!!" in a loud, surprised voice as she saw them in front of her. It was such an instinctive reaction that could never be re-enacted with such awe. All the other people going in and out of the shop, including the lofty couple, heard her and laughed. As one chap said, they're tall to us, imagine how tall they must be to her. Through the eyes and out of the mouth of my child! Oh to be 4 again, just to remember!

Timeless...

2008-09-19T08:28:00.003+02:00

Or is that ageless?

Obviously there is something in the water in South Africa that makes people see things through rose tinted glasses. No I am not talking about the people who think that a certain un-nameable politician will not change the constitution to suit his cause when they give him power without asking this 'democratic' country if we mind. I am talking about me. It's my birthday so I am allowed to be a little self indulged, and you can just put up with it for today.

Apparently I am ageless. I am 31 today and, in fact, fairly pleased about that. But I am pleased about something else too.

Yesterday Dorcas, my maid, asked me how old I would be on my birthday. She was shocked and horrified when I told her proudly that I would be 31. No way, said she. I look 19!!!!! NINETEEN!!! Did you get that? With a four year old child, hmm.

This is not an isolated incident.

Our neighbour came over the other day to ask if we minded her chopping down some trees that were blocking her sun and, in fact, obscuring our view of the ocean(Yes, we live 30km from it but we can still see it, framing Durban with its deep blue!). No, I didn't mind one bit. She started talking about the children. She is a little highly strung and nervous about joining the elite club of motherhood. She said I was brave to have my kids so young. I said yes, I wanted them both before I was 30 and I just made it. Her jaw dropped and she confessed to thinking that I was about 22.

So either they need their eyes tested, they weren't close enough or I still haven't mastered Being a Grown Up. Either way, I hope this trend continues so that, to others (I can see the wrinkles when I look in the mirror!), I always look 10years younger than I am.

Now, where's that mud pack?

The Black Box

2008-09-19T06:28:00.003+02:00

Try it... and if it brought you here, I would love you to leave a comment!

It sent me here

Well.... it sent me there first. Since then I have been all over everywhere. Except to my desk where revision awaits me. Oh curse the Black Box addiction... until no one's watching, then I'll be back!

Don't miss the magic!!

2008-09-17T13:22:00.004+02:00

I have been (fairly) obsessed with the development of my little boy, very much as I was with Shannon when she was going through the stages of learning to roll over, sit, crawl and pull herself up. I monitored her growth and weight gain, when she got her first tooth, how long her hair was (or wasn't). I am in the same mode now with Jordan. And he is coming along nicely. He crawls, rolls over, sits, eats solid food, plays by himself and alongside his sister, pulls himself up on the furniture and has two bright, white teeth. I check his developmental milestones weekly, make sure he is keeping up and doing all the things he is meant to. Shannon has milestones too. I haven't checked for a long time what should be happening with her. What did I expect? She has mastered all the major baby ones so that's it? She has not finished developing yet so...

...I looked up 4 year olds. Their world is magical.

Everything they see and do, think and hear has an impact on their lives and the way they develop. I was merely going through the motions of parenting. Scientifically. Making sure I taught her how to behave, how to eat properly at the table, when to be polite and nice. I focussed on her clumsiness, her inability to sit still, her lack of decible control and her argumentativeness. I took my eye off the ball for a while and I missed out on some of her magic. Now I'm back on her side I see her enthusiasm, her vitality and energy, her need to be heard and her desire for autonomy. . I was not experiencing life through her eyes. Not learning from her about the exciting world of childhood. She still has a lot to learn, but so do I!

I am far more excited to fetch her from school now, I start to think about it from about 10am rather than 2pm. I am desperate to hear what she thinks of her day. Who she played with, which superhero she transformed into, what she understands from their lesson. They are learning about dinosaurs this week.

Shannon's development is no less exciting than young Jordan's. They both have many years of major milestones ahead of them. I want to experience them all. Twice. Through the eyes of two unique and special individuals. I don't want to miss the magic.

One magic moment happened recently. On Monday I took Shannon to the hairdresser to get a propper little girl haircut, rather than the straggly look she was sporting and, to my amusement, my expectations of how the session would go could not have been more off track. I have found with Shannon that with enough preparation beforehand she is capable of going tentatively into an unknown situation and experiencing it without too much trouble. Not this time.

I had explained to her about having her hair cut by someone else. I explained about having it washed first. I told her how much fun it is. She was excited. I forgot that she had NO concept from my descriptions of what she was about to go and do. She refused the wash in a panic, refusing to even go close to the contraption, she was terrified(she told me later that she musn't get her clothes wet so they can't wash her hair!). She eventually agreed to sit on the chair for cutting purposes and, doing all the things she had to do, like keeping her head straight and sitting up nicely, she maintained the most adorable cross face you can imagine. I've never seen it on her before. Not like that. I wish I could have taken a picture! When we left she asked "are we going to the hairdresser now?" I couldn't have got that one more wrong, could I?

Green Fingers

2008-09-11T07:55:00.013+02:00

I am not professing that I have such things, only that I am currently hankering after them. Since it is my birthday a week tomorrow I think I shall ask for them then!

I have been gardening. Well, at least, I have been planting things. This is big news - especially if you ask my long suffering neighbour who has assumed the role of Gardener to the Useless, that's me - as I have always wanted to be interested in gardening and know all about it, but never knew where to start. So I thought I would just try. I planted some of my garden plants in pots to see what happens. All those gardening fundis (experts for any non-African readers) who surround me are being very kind saying "you never know, it might work!" They know. They are just letting my experiment run I suppose, in the interests of converting me to their ways... And I have made a compost bin in the garden for all that veggie waste so that it can be recycled into the flower beds!

Anyway, so far so good, I have planted a good number of things now (I don't know what any of them are called, there is a small gap in the knowledge required) and everything is surviving. And here's a turn up for the books, I am pleased to see the rainy weather today! Soaking my garden with life sustaining water, nourishing my plants and softening the ground! Imagine that!

In other news...

Jordan has a cold. A nasty one. He can't breathe properly when he is feeding and is not sleeping... I mean sleeping even less... at night, and hasn't touched proper food for 4 days. Poor little sausage is feeling very sorry for himself. The doctor said there is not much he can do as antibiotics are not required (thank heavens) and we just have to watch and wait! Not fun!

Shannon has been badly behaved at ballet for the last 2 lessons, so this week, as soon as we got home from ballet, I made her draw a picture of her being sorry (I wanted to make her write story about why she was naughty but I think that is asking a bit much of a four year old who has yet to master the art of writing!) to give to her teacher next lesson, in the hope that she will remember to behave nicely... we shall see.

Sean has no news to speak of...yet, but I thought it unfair not to mention him...

I am considering doubling my knowledge intake next year by taking on a diploma in counselling along with my third year of my degree... watch this space.

Last, but not least, Dorcas and Jordan have become firm friends. Even now when he is feeling a little worse for wear, he seems to be happy enough to go off and play with her while I get my work done!

Oh, and in what appears to be becoming a tradition in this house (see this post), I received my birthday present from Sean a little early this year... and it is a mini trampoline. Now Shannon and I have one each, the size of each, perhaps, an indication of how much energy is available to be expended!

The Lost Smile

2008-08-28T08:05:00.003+02:00

This week Shannon has not slept at school, at all. Really as a result of the incident and the fact that she has coped well without sleeping. However, once in a while she seems to need to catch up and, having reached that point, she collapsed on the couch when she got home one day, and was asleep before I even noticed! Being an indulgent mother and, knowing it would only be me who paid for it at bed time when she was refreshed and ready to play, rather than tired and ready for bed, I left her to sleep. Until bath time.

I was once given some worthy advice about sleeping children... let them sleep. Well, I woke her up. Only to be rewarded by Little Miss Grumpy. Only little in size. I asked her what was wrong so she said, "I didn't have a nice sleep." I asked her why, to which she replied "coz I lost my smile"

Now, indulgent parent I am but not so much so that I can't find it in me to tease my poor, defenseless offspring. Lost your smile? Oh dear. I'll help you find it!

And I searched. High and low. Pantomime style. Her Highness was not impressed. "It's not funny!" she told me. But it was. Very funny indeed. And I was enjoying myself so not ready to stop. Sean went and busied himself in the kitchen to avoid the wrath of Shannon, since he couldn't stop laughing. Jordan looked at me as if I had finally completely lost my marbles (presumably in deference to Shannon) I looked under the chairs, in the toy basket, under the cushions, in her mouth to see if she'd swallowed it...

Slowly but surely she began to see the funny side of it and, after watching me make a fool of myself for a few more minutes, she said to me in a whisper: "I know where my smile is!" Where? I asked her, "here!" says she as a big grin spread across her face! Hmmm, perhaps not so defenseless after all.

Where does the time go?

2008-08-25T07:58:00.003+02:00

We have had a full and fun weekend. We did not stop moving and shaking until about 2pm yesterday afternoon. Shannon has been spoilt as only little girls can be, Sean and I have honoured two ladies who are very special to us, and Jordan has been adored by every person who lays eyes on him.

On Friday night we had a braai with our neighbours where we were regaled by all the gossip from around the complex and, though we were tired from a long week, sat up late laughing our socks off.

On Saturday we dropped Shannon off with her Aunt, Uncle and cousins for a morning of sport watching at her cousin's school and then some shopping. Shannon had a brilliant time at the school and was then introduced to clothes shopping the way it ought to be done (what would you like to wear, Shannon?) not the way Mommy does it(Sit in the trolley and don't touch!)! Anyway, when we saw her again at lunchtime the little princess was decked out in a beautiful little outfit, white and blue and very slightly frilly and looked like she should be on the cover of a magazine! If only I had my camera *sigh*

While Shannon was off being treated like the princess she is, Sean, Jordan and I were at a Natural Birth Seminar hosted by the Midwife and Doula who guided us through Jordan's birth. They had asked us to relate our birth experience to the expectant mothers who were not quite sure how the private midwife birth works (it is the norm in this country to have a gynaecologist in charge of a birth rather than a midwife). We retold the story of the amazing journey we had from beginning to end, and how those two wonderful women helped us create an experience worth remembering when our son was born. They were elated with the kind words and believed that many other women would want a private midwife at their side after hearing our story!

By lunchtime we were reunited with the now-more-beautiful-than-ever Shannon, who was distraught to discover that she was being left behind by her adored cousins while they went off to the stadium to watch 15 novice rugby players... erm... I mean the Springboks, receiving a lesson in humiliation from a rather more worthy Australian team. We watched in horror from the comfort of the couch at Sean's brother's house before feeding our sorrows with homemade pizza followed by pancakes. We got home at about 9pm.

By 8am on Sunday we were at the Verster's for a morning of natter for Trace and I and squealing delight from the masses of children we were surrounded by (and a little sawdust which seemed to find its way onto the floor in one of the children's' rooms) and Sean went off to the car sales with Quin (for boy fun)

Early afternoon we headed home and then I shot out to do the shopping (this is easier than stopping off with 2 children in tow) Sean sorted the house to a livable state and then we collapsed in a heap of exhaustion while, for a few precious moments, both children slept.

What a great weekend this was, fun and full to the finish - I think next weekend we'll opt to do a little less, though, I could use the rest!

Child rearing 101

2008-08-19T09:13:00.002+02:00

So The Nanny has been here 3 weeks now and a number of issues have come up. None, you understand, that have not been resolved in my interest, but all, of course, which require a bit of work.

Dorcas and I do not see eye to eye on a few factors concerning Jordan:

1. Dorcas thinks he needs a dummy! I do not!

Dorcas is horrified that the poor child is not given a device that will possibly destroy his dental growth, certainly impede his speech development and, most of all, look ridiculous. ('Ach shame M'em he will feel better!')

2. I have a phobia about children and sugar! Dorcas does not!

"He can have Rooibos tea, Dorcas, but no milk!"
" And how much sugar M'em"
After I scraped my jaw off the floor, I asked her in my kindest scary voice to never, ever, EVER, give the little chap sugar, under no circumstances, EVER! I think I made my point clearly and have since secretly peeped in on breakfast and lunch operations... just to make sure!

3. I think it is fabulous for my little prince to fall asleep on me before he is put down to sleep. Dorcas looks at me down her well experienced nose and informs me he needs to sleep himself.

He is sleeping himself - on me - and really (I know you are all on Dorcas' side for this one) if he loves it and I love it it must be good for both of us!

4. When he sees me my little angel wants me.

This is a small house, I work in the dining room which is in the middle of an open plan living space. Where ever he goes, other than his bedroom or outside, he can see me. "you make him cross with me M'em" What can I do, I love it that I am so important to my children and so don't, perhaps, do enough to discourage this sort of behaviour.

So, we work on the rules, regulations and spying to the best of our ability in the hope that Jordan turns out all right in the end. Not that I am a control freak, nor paranoid, you understand!

The truth...as spoken by a 4 year old!

2008-08-12T10:11:00.002+02:00

We have had an 'incident' at school recently which went something like this:

Shannon came home from school, on about 3 different occasions, saying that one of her teachers had smacked her at nap time for not going to sleep. (I also discovered that, due to following the example of a friend with a tendancy for bad behaviour, Shannon has hidden in the big tyre to avoid 'capture' at nap time!) When pressed about the subject of being smacked as well as that of hiding she would say brightly "it doesn't matter now" or "we've finished talking about that now" Which, I have to be honest, made me wonder if there was a little more to the story (or perhaps a little less) than was being told!

Nonetheless, I called the school and spoke to the head teacher who said that, unless something had changed drastically and she had not been informed, the accused teacher is the only one with an absolute no smacking policy. Let me just put you all at ease here, smacking is against the law in schools in South Africa, so when I say she is the only one who never smacks, I mean that goes for her own children too. So the likelyhood of her smacking someone else's child is rather remote to say the least! I was told under no circumstances to let Shannon know that I suspected an iota of mis-information from her (afterall we want her to believe that it is always safe to tell Mommy everything) as there was no way she could possibly know truth from fiction in this instance. Shannon is no fibber. She never has been, though she has occasionally led herself to believe something that actually isn't! This is one of those instances. Needless to say, the teacher in question is a little put out by the acusation (even though she is a pre-school teacher and she should know better).

So we have devised a new sleeping plan for Shannon in which she only sleeps twice a week (she no longer really needs a nap every afternoon) and I prompt her every morning as to what is expected of her. Yesterday, when I could get a word in edgeways, I asked Shannon about Nap Time earlier that afternoon:

me: did you have a nap today?
her: yes
me: did you hide from your teacher?
her: no only last week (can I insert here that her concept of time is vertually nil but her use of past tense just means that it happened before now!)
me: did you sleep nicely?
her: I went faaaaaaast asleep! but Kyla beat me!
me: Did Tina smack you?
her: It's not fair, my nose will grow like Minocchio.
me: Why will it do that?
her: It's not fair when I be naughty!
me: Were you naughty today.
her No, I'm a good girl but we've finished talking about that now.

I think that we can safely say that the smacking did not actually take place. I am still left wondering, though, how that little bit of fantasy found it's way into her head and became a reality for her? Something someone said...followed by a dream...??? Who knows.

Happy Women's Day

2008-08-09T07:15:00.002+02:00

Today is Women's day in South Africa so, to all the women out there, have a great day and remember how special you are!!!

I have recently joined a community which, though I knew it was there, I never really grasped the closeness of. Reluctant Memsahib recently posted on a topic which, it seems, is very close to the hearts of many women. Certainly all those in this close community. Her words seem to have had a powerful effect on many of us! Potty Mummy recently posted on why she blogs... I identified with many of her reasons. Here are some of my own:

It is fascinating to consider that this group of people, very few of whom know each other face to face, and many if whom are spread across the globe, find that they have so much in common. I feel privileged to have a look in and to slowly become part of this community.

I have a great group of friends with whom I spend as much time as I can spare, we are all mothers, we are all women in a similar stage in life and we are all very different. Our time spent together almost always involves our children in one way or another. One evening every month we get together at one or another's house (and sometimes, when we are all free, for a morning coffee), without children, and we laugh. We can be just friends and just our Selves. For that time we are not mothers or wives or business owners or career women or any other of the many roles we have to play. We get to be the Selves that we were at 5 years old, and 18 years old and twenty something. Carefree.

Being part of this blogging community has given me another group of friends. I may not know them to wave to in the street, to stop and catch up on the recent past, but I can drop by any time I need a friend. Any time I need to see how they are, any time I need to offload the pressures of fulfilling all my own roles.

I love the all the roles I play in my life, from daughter and sister to wife and mother and every one in between. Sometimes I just like to be me.

I am happy that I am part of these special communities, real and virtual.

A different perspective

2008-08-07T08:18:00.005+02:00

After a dearth of updates I seem to have a lot of words to get out at the moment... and perhaps a little more time to do so. Dorcas was not here yesterday due to the nationwide stay away to let the government know we are a little upset about the rising cost of food here! She had no idea there was a strike until she got up on Wednesday morning and saw the taxis barricading the roads, not letting the work force out of their villages. I forgot to mention it to her. It was nice to spend the morning playing with my gorgeous son and it cemented in my mind the fact that I have done the right thing by employing her. Dorcas I mean. I am adapting just the right amount. I think.

I had a friend around yesterday afternoon, mostly so our little girls could play together, but also so that we could catch up. She is a bit of a workaholic and, as well as running her own TWO businesses, has just picked up another job on the side! So her free time is precious. It was fantastic to chat. I often forget how similarly we think and, every once in a while, she exposes me to a different perspective, in a familiar idea, that changes the way I think. Yesterday she did this.

I am often charged with communicating poorly when my beloved and I do not see eye to eye (all our disagreements are through poor communication - his and mine). This is always made worse by being reminded that I am supposed to be good with words, I ought to know how to use them better. I never really thought about it til yesterday, but my words are carefully crafted, worked and reworked before they are presented, in the written form, for others to see. I am not able to revise my spoken words in the same way! I feel a little less pressurised to get it right under duress.

In my current state of openness to change, looking at things from a different perspective is helping to push my paranoia to the back of my mind. I would like to see everything from someone else's perspective, every day, in the hope that I can learn something new and add a little bit of difference to the Me that I am now.

On an entirely different note, Jordan's tooth, that has been trying valiantly to become fully erupted, has now managed to do so. The full tip of the tooth is exposed and the potential for tooth mark in skin has now been realised! Nonetheless, Mommy is very proud!

A lesson for me

2008-08-06T10:17:00.008+02:00

In the interests of change I have also changed the look and feel of the blog... let's see shall we?

It is winter here in South Africa. At least in theory. July/August is usually chilly during the day and certainly very cold at night. At the moment the days are warm and the sky is very close to the deep blue that it usually only becomes in summer. It is warm enough for Jordan to spend half an hour outside in just a t-shirt, free of nappies and other restrictive, but warm, clothing; and for us to play in the garden all afternoon until bathtime. It's a little unusual.

I am enjoying the weather; I am one of those people who thrive on warm, sunny days. I am productive, positive and pleasant to be around. This is good. In the back of my mind, however, lurks a little unease. July shouldn't be this warm. It is winter afterall. Global warming feels more real now. I used to think of it as something far away and that, as long as I did my part along with everyone else, in time it would go away altogether. Perhaps not.

I will allow that thought to lurk for now. In the back. I can't help but love the blue sky, brightly coloured flowers (that are up and about a bit early this year) and the birdsong. I never used to notice many of the smaller things that happen on warm sunny days. Now Shannon points them out gleefully; a butterfly looks like a face "that one's a pretty lady mommy". We lie on the trampoline in the afternoon looking for shapes in the clouds and her imagination is startling. She points out all sorts of things, abstract things. I am enthralled by the world through my child's eyes. It seems as though as childhood dwindles so too does our realisation that thing are exciting and beautiful and worth noticing. I have learnt to pay attention finally (my parents will be pleased to read that) by learning to be a child again!

I think we should all take stock once in a while. Take notice of the world around us. And look after it, so generations after us can be reminded by their own children that we live on a beautiful planet. One which deserves our awareness and consideration if it is in danger of suffering heatstroke through our folly.

Change is good...

2008-08-05T09:34:00.004+02:00

I think!

Today I feel better about things. Housework is being tended to and Jordan is quietly playing with his new best friend! I suppose the better we get to know each other and the more things get done my way (",) the happier I will feel. Yesterday I was a bit panicked and didn't really know where to start. Today I have realised - thanks to some wise words from Sean - that trial and error is actually ok. I don't have to be perfect or get everything right the first time.

Jordan has been much happier today too. Yesterday he was very unsettled and last night, when we should have been sleeping, he thought it would be fun to play with Mommy since Mommy had ignored him all day!!! Although after some discussion Jordan agreed to sleep as long as it was on me. Have I mentioned he is nearly 9kg? Well, you try sleeping with 9 bags of sugar on your chest! Nonetheless at least he slept!

Dorcas also seems to be more confidant today. I suppose yesterday was pretty daunting for her too. She quit a secure part time job she loved to come to me (almost) full time. If that were me I would be scared that I could have made the wrong decision. She is very good with His Majesty Jordan who seems to be putting a lot of effort into making her feel welcome. He sits on the floor beside her dutifully playing with the toys he is presented. Then, when he thinks she's not looking, I get a sly look of pride at how well he is playing his part! Clever little monkey!

Speaking of clever little monkeys, I was left speechless by Shannon the other day when she was eating a piece of toast. She wasn't being at all ladylike about how she was eating it and I said: "don't do that it's not polite!" to which she replied (with a mouth full of toast) "Yes it is! I put polite on it!" Who can argue with that?

I have to commend Shannon for her part in my return to fitness. Yes, she is my new personal trainer. It happens that she LOVES to jump on her trampoline when she gets home from school... every day... with me. Who would have thought that the most effective form of exercise I have ever tried would be so easily maintained by playing with my children!

Changing times!

2008-08-04T08:36:00.003+02:00

The theme of this blog is really intended to be about my children and their antics. It seems to have been a bit wobbly though, going off track often and haphazardly. A dramatic change has just taken place in our lives (well mine and Jordan's anyway) in that - and I know that many people do this and that, at least in South Africa, it is considered the norm - I have just relinquished a portion of Jordan's care to a nanny. I am a bit of a control freak and, as I sit here typing, they are happily playing in his bedroom. I can hear them. I can't see them. I can't control the passage of play. I am feeling a little freaked out. In the interests of making myself feel better I am going to reign in this blog and centre it, at least for the time being, around this new state of affairs. So here goes.

Dorcas has come for the first time today. I am a little unsure how to manage her. I want things to go my way but at the same time I don't want to be a tyrant to work for. I expect Jordan will be happy as she is totally focussed on playing with him at the moment. I wonder if this means he will sleep less often but for longer? I want her to do house work too. How do I go about setting a routine that works for me as well as for Jordan? I foresee a week of trial and error ahead of me. I want to find this easy but I don't.

Actually I am a bit pathetic I think. I have to work now, I have exams coming up and a writing career to get off the ground. I work FROM HOME. I am not leaving my precious litte boy at a creche where I can't keep my eye on him. I am not leaving him at home alone with Dorcas (who comes highly recommended by the way) I am here. They are here. Hmm. he is crying. The tired cry. How will she know?

I am off to do some managing. Wish me luck.

Oh peanuts!

2008-07-20T08:21:00.003+02:00

So, monkeys are cute looking creatures... from afar. And enjoyable to watch playing in the garden. I don't find them so cute when they are ransacking my kitchen.

I was at my neighbours house, chatting and not bothering anyone and, in fact, happily watching the monkeys play, when the garderner came running saying that the monkeys had got into my house. MY house. Ugh! Now, I am not sure if the window had been left open too wide or if the mangy creatures have worked out how to open it. Whatever the case, they were inside. They ate all our fruit, especially enjoying Jordan's banana that I was hoping to feed him that afternoon. There was naartjie (clementine, in English, I think) peel all over the place and, for a reason known only to himself as there is no food down there, one big monkey was in the bedroom! Ugh.

We had bought a packet of raw peanuts to take with us on our little up-coming holiday, with the intention of roasting them over the fire. Well they were uneaten and scattered all over the kitchen. At least EAT the things if you are going to ruin someone elses plan for them. Don't just cover them in monkey germs and leave them behind.

We will buy more peanuts. And leave the windows shut when we are out. As long as they don't come visiting when we are in, as they look at me in disgust and carry on as if I had actually asked "would you like another one?" when I try to shoo them out, and they are about the same size as my oldest child. That's a little scary for me. Sorry monkeys, but please go back to stealing Brian's food, that's as entertaining for everyone else as it is for you!

Shameless punt...

2008-07-16T21:09:00.003+02:00

I have recently discovered that, with a little bit of creativity, I can make a few pennies (or cents in my case) from writing articles. This happened completely by accident as I was both bolshy and lucky enough to convince an editor to take my first attempt at writing and print it in her magazine! Of course this made me think it was really easy so I set about adding some details to a writers website and then, since I didn't have a clue what to do next, I left it at that.

Being a Mommy doesn't leave much time for thinking about things other than the here and now so, other than the excitement of the article actually being published, I thought nothing more of it. But then, out of the blue, I was commissioned by 2 other editors, and so, here I sit, thinking I really could be a writer! So I've made a website to market my ability. I know, I know, don't get ahead of myself, but since it was free to build and free to publish I see no harm. But. People need to know it is there. So (if anyone still reads this very intermittent blog) go check it out!

Nothing makes more sense to me than pursuing an interest that can earn me a little income while I spend my children's younger years at home with them, on my own schedule! I can get my career (?!?) going when they have better things to do than spend time with Mommy!

Shannon told me today that she wasn't going to jump on her trampoline because she was too cross with the monkeys that had been playing on it while she was at school!
I asked her why she thought the monkeys had been on the trampoline and she said: "because they told me!" while giving me a are-you-always-this-thick look and then stomping off Being Cross!

Jordan got himself in the proper, ready to move crawling position today. He then got very frustrated and squealed at a pitch that is almost only audible to dogs, because he couldn't get himself out of it. Once order was restored he did look very proud of himself though!

Those are the moments I would miss if it weren't for the privilege of being a work from home Mom.

Been a while...

2008-07-11T08:20:00.004+02:00

Funny how inspiration comes in fits and starts. Was it Einstein who said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration? I only have about 1 % inspiration at the moment so perhaps if I put in a little more effort I could fall into that category!

Jordan will be 6 months old on Monday and I have no idea where the time has gone. In a way it seems he is quite old already but then at the same time he is still a tiny baby! My revision timetable starts in August and I am thanking my lucky stars that I do not have to send my little boy to school yet in order to be able to work. I was going to you know. At 6 months old. I know this is normal and not a matter of choice for many people these days and in fact they go even younger, most creches take babies from 3 months. For me it feels foreign and very unnatural. I have a child minder/maid starting in August who has been recommended to me by the owner of the school Shannon is at. I will still be at home and so will my baby but someone else will be there to play with him while I work! This is a compromise I can cope with. The other great thing about this is that I will have more time to write. Anyone know any editors looking for freelancers? Here sits a freelancer looking for work!

Yesterday was definitely a wintry day! We have had such a mild time of it thus far. For the first time this year (except when it is raining) I did not take my jersey off before going to fetch Shannon from school in the early afternoon. Yesterday Jordan and I went for our walk bundled up even though the sun had puffed it's chest out and was trying valiantly to warm the air around us! Today is also very cold and I think that brave southern sun has lost its battle with the clouds that seem to chase it across the sky.

Shannon has a frog in her tummy. He has been there for a while. Ever since she got a cough, in fact, and sounded a bit hoarse. I said she had a frog in her throat and, having found it's way to her tummy, it seems to have taken up residence. She is quite fond of her frog and gets a bit upset when anyone mentions that perhaps it has gone home now. This frog is the reason she can or can't do things. People might, perhaps, think she is trying to absolve herself of responsibility, but I think it is ingenious. If she can't do something she says the frog won't let her, and then when she is feeling more capable she can try again. This is especially true of the monkey bars at school. Shannon tells me every day that she can't do the monkey bars and that her friends can. She tried. Everyday. I am saddened for her. She ought to be able to do anything she wants. Her frog is there for her though. If she can do it she feels good, if she can't she can blame the frog.

I need a frog too.

Positivity Please

2008-06-18T07:54:00.005+02:00

I have begun to wonder why the world is coming off the rails. There is something very discomforting about the fact that my last 2 posts have ended in "Rest in Peace". Something is out of control and it must be stopped. So, in order to stem this as best I can I am going to insert some of the brilliant things that have happened recently while all this badness has tried to take over.

Someone VERY special came to stay! I am not saying who as I selfishly told no one he would be here so that I could have him all to myself for 48 hours and because he is so wonderful others might be jealous and get cross with me. But anyway, we spent an awesome 48 hours together and caught up on so much... and ate mountains of rusks dipped in tea! I wish a certain lady could have been here too but we can't have it all, eh!

My Cyborg brained big sister (actually she is tiny but since she is older than me she must be referred to as big) got her Doctorate! So to those of you out there that do not have mitigating circumstances - like I do - it's Dr. Clare from now on if you don't mind!

I have mitigating circumstances when it comes to calling Clare Doctor. For very good reason! I asked her, when she told me she had passed her viva, what she would do now that she had reached the pinnacle of education, she said now she would try to get published. I've already achieved this so evidently I am one step ahead of her and therefore don't have to call her Dr.! (PLEASE do not burst my bubble by pointing out flaws in this logic... positivity is required in my life!)

My ebullient little sister (yes she is little so this fits) seems to be on the right track for where she wants to be in life and is finally in a fabulous relationship with a fabulous man!

I have been commissioned to write 2 more articles which makes me a bona fide writer as far as I am concerned. And I have been paid for every article I have submitted! None of this writing-for-free-to-make-a-name-for-yourself rubbish! (Although if needs must...)

Kim is coming home!!! Yay!! For the record, Kim, we miss you LOADS. It may be just for a couple of weeks but a little dose of Kim is required by lots of people that I care about!

Buddy and Grandma Hendry are also headed in our general direction so there will be plenty of family support at a time when it is well needed!

I don't have tonsils so I couldn't catch tonsillitis from Tracey (sorry Tracey but this is about me!)

Best of all, through some kind of friend ESP, Tracey has just arrived with avo and toast (well bread but (positively) we have electricity to make it into toast) and come to see me just when I was thinking I could really use a friend.

I am about to eat avo on toast... mmmmmmm!

Right, that is a fair amount of positivity which should keep me going til the next post which, with any luck, will start to be good news again!

The Hendry Family

2008-06-15T15:56:00.002+02:00

This blog is becoming a bit morbid but, devastatingly, the tragedy continues...

Yesterday, my niece Amy and 2 of her friends, Jennifer-Rae and Kate, were driving to the South Coast to go camping with some other friends for the long weekend. En route they stopped in Amanzimtoti to change drivers, and were hijacked. At 3:40 in the afternoon. In broad daylight. In a public place. The.... you have no idea what words I want to use here... I will settle for: callous, audacious, beasts shot Jen, who was in the drivers seat, and it seems the same bullet tore through Jen and into Kate who was in the passenger seat. Kate is in ICU and at this stage we do not know the repercussions of her injuries. Amy was physically unscathed, but, after being a victim of the attack, taking Kate to safety, having her belongings violently wrenched away from her, and holding and talking to her dear friend Jen in her final moments, will never be the same carefree young lady that she was.

Amy has an amazing support group in her many, many friends as well as her ever doting family and I am so grateful that she is constantly surrounded by them at this time.

I am ANGRY. I am scared, I am shocked, I am terribly saddened, but most of all I am ANGRY. How DARE they do this to 3 young women with so much going for them... how dare they do this to ANYONE. How brazen they were, attacking the car in a populated shopping street in broad daylight. This is what South Africa has come to. I loved this country, I wanted my children to grow up here. I haven't wanted that for a while now. It is pushed to the back of my mind, since we have to go on with our lives and we have to have lives. We have to do things and go places. We can't barricade ourselves in our houses.

We are leaving. It is just a matter of when. There are many, many people in this beautiful country who say they will never leave. I can't be one of them. I have to take my children somewhere where they have a chance to grow up without fear in their hearts.

I have so much else I want to say. I can't find the words. Our hearts go out to Jen's family, God give you strength. Kate, we are thinking of you and wishing you a full recovery. Amy we love you dearly and are here for you whenever you need us.

Rest in peace Jen.

The Coughlan Family

2008-06-05T08:18:00.006+02:00

Today a good number of my Coughlan family are gathered in Zimbabwe for the funeral of my Aunt Sheelagh. She was killed in a car accident on Friday. Our thoughts are with her husband, Brian, her children, Lauren, Brian and Lindsay, and all her brothers and sisters, as well as all the rest of our grieving family. We are all shocked by this tragedy!

Tomorrow, this family will be taking Granny Coughlan's ashes to their final resting place, Chitora Farm, Rusape, where Grampa Coughlan is waiting for her. Gran passed away on April 24th this year. Sheelagh will also be laid to rest with Granny and Grampa at Chitora.

There is enough grief now - please give us a chance to deal with it all!

Rest in Peace

Feeling flat!

2008-06-04T12:41:00.004+02:00

This blog is intended to be a (hopefully) comical look at the Fab Four who make up this wonderful family of mine... today it is, however, a place for me to off load a bit. So if you prefer your whine in a glass (and without the h) leave now!

There are lots of things making me feel a bit flat - I am not going to go into the biggest causes because I am feeling a little private about it all. Perhaps once some time has passed.

Maybe a little has to do with the weather and the fact that - due to two unnamed (but very short and dependent) people - I have had very little sleep in the last week, but I am feeling FLAT today. Yesterday I was OK, I was productive and chirpy and positive about so much (hmmm the sun was shining yesterday, wonder if there is a coincidence?)

Anyway, GinGin has broken down and has to be towed to the car hospital. At least she hasn't completely broken down but those in the know think that if I drive her again she will... something to do with no oil pressure. So I am driving Sean's car... not VERY pleased, although most think I am crazy as GinGin is a Ford Tonic (hence the name) and Sean's car is a merc! Still prefer GinGin!!! And since we are not entirely sure what the problem is, we are not entirely sure how long it will take to get sorted which therefore follows that we are not entirely sure when I will get my car back. A BIG downside to this is that I have to drop Sean off at his Boss's house at 6:15am for work and fetch him afterwards. Grrr. I want my car back!

My next topic of disgruntle-dom is judgemental people. Who or what gives anyone the right to judge people they don't know, without giving themselves a chance to get to know them...properly? Usually this doesn't bother me because how I feel about myself and those around me is what is important to me not what others (who do not know them) think of them... today I am feeling judged by the world. Not for any apparent reason mind you, just out of the blue. For what it is worth I am a very nice person and worth the effort! I know, I know... build a bridge and get over it! *snif*

OK I am done wallowing. For now.

Jordan has decided that there is more to life than sleeping and therefore has given it up... indefinitely. I have a feeling that the sleeplessness has something to do with teething, but only because I have exhausted all other possibilities as he has no other specific symptoms except putting things in his mouth which is normal anyway!!! He has also learnt that if he squeezes his fat tummy in a certain way and purses his lips he can squeal. Loudly. And incessantly. Very cute... or a form of Chinese torture.

Also, he has decided that my advice to him that he should try to meet his developmental milestones at the end of the appropriate age, rather than the beginning as Shannon did, is a load of rubbish and sat beautifully by himself at the tender age of four and a half months. Which probably means I do not have VERY long before we need to dig out the baby gates to pen him in to the areas of the house in which I can see him at all times!

Shannon has been spoilt this year with her birthday present coming 3 weeks early - because a) we had nowhere to stash it, and b) we are not very good at denying ourselves the instant gratification of witnessing her pleasure and excitement. She got a trampoline. Second hand but she doesn't know the difference. It takes up most of our garden, but that along with the swings makes the garden what it is intended to be: children's playground!

Shannon's reaction was tenfold what we anticipated: Sean came home from work with the tramp and once Shannon had gone to bed, assembled it in the garden. Once it resembled a trampoline he went to get her out of bed. Shannon could not believe her eyes and did not release Sean from the biggest hug I think he has ever got! Then she hurled herself at me, then back to Sean all the time saying "my trampoline" over and over. Unfortunately for the little madam it is raining today so she has to stare longingly out the window at it...

Tomorrow will be a better day!

Out of the Mouthes of Babes

2008-05-22T12:44:00.010+02:00

WARNING - NOT FOR SENSITIVE READERS.

My dearly beloved daughter, who always has us in stitches with her off the wall behaviour and statements, gave us a lesson (actually more like an imprompu exam...without the prior learning) in controlled parenting skills. In fact we had to maintain total self control in an instance where our natural reaction was to burst out laughing unstoppably!

We were sitting at the table having supper - which I have finally managed to organise so that the whole family eats together... long may it last! - and Shannon was telling us about her day, when, in her best gossipy voice, she came out with this:

Shannon: You know what Kyla James said at school? (his name is Tyler not Kyla but she hasn't clocked the difference yet)
Dad: What did Tyler James say?
Shannon: F***

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckliy - as there was little margin for error on our part - we were both able to not react to that and remained aware that in many ways it is not funny. Since she has no idea what the word means, and is only aware that there is something wrong with it due to the way the teachers reacted, the horror in her voice and on her face in her retelling of this event was why we really battled not to dissolve into uncontrollable giggles. Had we laughed, rather than sternly emphasising the need to NEVER repeat the story to anyone... ever..., she would have been a bit confused and probably gone on to tell other people who would have been absolutely horrified by our innocent daughter's language (although it is still early days with this one!).

Retrospectively, however, I am unable to maintain such composure, and keep getting those upwellings of giggles which, being the way I am, I am incapable of squashing. So I am paying for my sins by getting bewildered or pitiful looks from anyone and everyone around me. Not to mention the little madam herself keeps asking me why I am laughing!

The House of Sleep

2008-05-20T07:20:00.003+02:00

Last night something strange happened in our house. This is how it all began: at bedtime, Jordan was screaming about something or other and there was no consoling him. Since I had gone through The List of possible options and nothing cheered him up I decided just to put him down to bed anyway. He stopped crying as I did this and stared at me in indignant surprise, as if to say who do you think you are? can't you see I am cross? Supressing the urge to giggle at his expression, I turned on his mobile and left the room. There was silence (except for the mobile music). I then went through the Shannon Bedtime Routine and got her settled. We sang a few songs together and then I went to enjoy a glass of wine in celebration of my Dad's birthday! Then Jordan realised I wasn't coming back, the mobile had stopped and he started to cry again... although this time with less enthusiasm. I went back to him and turned on the mobile again and walked out (trying VERY hard not to respond to the huge, open mouthed grin I got when he saw me!) Shannon took her usual hour to fall asleep but then the house was quiet. None if this is completely out of the ordinary, it has happened before... this has not:

Jordan slept til 5am... without waking up...at all! I woke up! As did Sean. But Jordan slept, blissfully unaware that our broken sleep was still his doing!
Shannon got up to go to the loo in the night and went back to her own bed!

I am not expcting any miracles and at this stage am putting it down to the fact that Jordan overheard me and Sean agreeing that Sean would do the Saturday night feed this weekend so that I could get some much needed sleep! Manipulative little monkey thinks if he sleeps through I won't bother to express and then I wil have to get up and see him if he wakes up!

Well we'll see.

Jordan was weighed and measured today and weighed 7.5kg and is 65cm long... getting too heavy to lug around everywhere - I need a baby caddy!

Go Home!

2008-05-19T12:48:00.002+02:00

Shannon has found a new independence! She has always been very independent and determined to do things by herself. We know this as she says, leaving no uncertainty, "I can". But now it is beginning to define her existence! So now I am beginning to feel a little redundant as here are the things I am not allowed to help with:

Getting dressed (no matter what she chooses to wear!)
Brushing teeth
carrying her school bag to the car (bonus - I used to look like a sherpa with all the things I had to carry)
Opening the car door
Closing the car door
Doing up her seat belt

Anyway the list goes on and includes many areas of her life including food preparation, cleanliness, and self preparation. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to extend to self entertainment and I am still required to be number one playmate!

However!

Regularly, these days, when I drop her at school, Shannon likes to walk herself to the gate while I watch her safely into the door from the safe distance of the car. So she gives me a good bye kiss and waves to me from the door as someone lets her in! Today was different. Today she said "I can't kiss you mom as I have lipstick on (!) and I am at school so you can go home! Not even so much as a "have a nice day Mom" or "I'll miss you Mom" just "Go home".

*snif* my baby is a big girl... when did that happen?

Is the window closed?

2008-04-30T14:14:00.002+02:00

Yesterday Mary (who is here from England) Sean, Shannon, Jordan and I went to uShaka to go and see the amazing aquarium and to watch both the Seal and Dolphin shows! When we arrived the first thing we saw were some small sharks swimming around below us in a tank surrounded by very real looking rocks and - luckily - a fence! With a sign on it. No Swimming. Do you suppose people really need that sign? I digress.

So we entered the very real looking ghost ship which houses the aquarium and, after descending into its dark and murky depths, we came across 3 portholes through which we could see a colourful array of fish. I tried, in my excitement on her behalf, to lift Shannon up to the porthole... She squealed in dismay and wriggled til I dumped her unceremoniously on her feet a good metre from said porthole! Mary leant forward to show Shannon that she could get right up to the glass to see the fish and the sharks - which I think caused most of the dismay in the first place - and Shannon asked, in a very small voice: "Is the window closed?"

After establishing that the windows were indeed closed, Shannon was unstoppable! She wanted to see everything and to move on to the next thing to see if it was as good if not better than what she had already seen. And what a perfect day we had. I footled around with Jordan who slept fed and stared, bewildered, at the sea life, Sean took pictures and Mary and Shannon look at sea creatures, talked about sea creatures, claimed sea creatures (those are my Dolphins, hey Mary!) and got drenched by sea creatures.

We arrived at Seaworld at about 10am and saw all there was to see in the aquarium, watched the sharks being fed, watched a seal training session and then later a seal pantomime (!), and then to end off our perfect day we went to watch the dolphin show. Well Shannon was beside herself when she saw these beautiful mammals. She went from rigid to floppy to starring in wonder. Mary took Shannon down to the tank when the kiddies were called to get splashed and she squealed again (Shannon not Mary), this time in sheer delight and then dissolved into giggles! After all this activity we left Sea World at about 4pm wondering how anyone can fit in all the attractions there as well as going to the water park that weaves it's way through it! Shannon was so tired it was a bit like looking after a drunk person and she was fast asleep within about 10mins of getting in the car. All in all a perfect day. Thanks Mary! And thank goodness the windows were closed!

Sucker for punishment!

2008-04-22T12:00:00.006+02:00

I find running (read walking, as at this stage 30mins walking is tiring enough) on a treadmill exceptionally dull but, as it is the only option I have for consistent and worthwhile exercise, I'll take it. I spend the time engaged in 'useful' thinking. This is thinking that should have some positive impact on life in general. Useful Thinking, as it turns out, is not always a good thing. At least not when you think about deep and meaningful things that can impact one's life. In fact it can be down right dangerous!

It occurred to me a year and a half ago that in order to improve my lot and maybe make a difference to other peoples lives, I should start an education process that will take me 3 and then 1 and then 2 years (undergraduate, honours, masters) to complete which will qualify me, at least on paper, to help people with any number of psychological problems to overcome their issues. Me. Really. Now, I realise that I am only half way through the first stage but I am having a bit of a speed wobble. How will I ever know enough to be a bona fide psychologist. This speed wobble came about whilst walking on that dangerous thinking machine. The other thought that TDTM brought to my conscious is: what am I thinking that I am capable of doing such a thing? Degrees are for clever people who are usually intrinsically motivated and who have a highly efficient long term memory for storing and retreiving volumes of information pertaining to their career of choice. When I grow up I want to be one of those people, but for now I live in hope that no one will guess my secret and expose me as a bit of fraud! Damn TDTM!

As it turns out, my motivation and my need to engage in Useful Thought seems to have been too much for the old machine and it has had a speed wobble of its own. This means that it is lying in state with a number of parts missing, (Sean has those and I know not what they are or what they do, that is Sean's business!) unable to tempt me to think and certainly not letting me take that exercise that I have been highly motivated to undertake. So here I sit, not getting any fitter but feeling a good deal better about my education. Now, where's that Pilates DVD?

Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations

2008-04-10T10:16:00.003+02:00

I recieved the following in an email not too long ago and I think the fact that I recieved it again this morning means it warrants some sort of permanence in my existence. I desperately want to be given the oportunity to use the well deserved title and hope that all you research associates, senior research associates, executive senior research associates and associate recearch assistants out there get the chance to use it too!

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a ...?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it??? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ballpoint pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters).. Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom." Motherhood!

What a glorious career!

Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations"

And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?"

I think so!!!

I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants."

AMEN!!

A Risk to National Security!

2008-04-08T12:21:00.006+02:00

Jordan is 3 months old...already!...and I felt it about time I put some effort into acquiring official bits and pieces such as passports and British citizenship, only to discover he does not qualify because neither Sean nor I were born in England. He is a baby. How is it possible that a BABY can be denied citizenship that a parent is entitled to? Not to mention it is the ONLY citizenship that I am entitled to!

Here are the results of my quest for information on the next step:

ME:

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a British person living in South Africa and my son has just been born here. I was not born in the UK and got my right to citizenship through my parents who were both born there. I have discovered that my son does not qualify for a British passport unless I register his birth before his first birthday. Please can you let me know what this involves, where I can find the forms and how much it will cost. Also, is it possible, and if so any easier or cheaper, for me to get someone in England to register his birth over there? My first child was born in England nearly 4 years ago and she, my husband and I all have British passports, so it is frustrating not being able to get one for my son!

I appreciate any information you can give me.

USEFUL ADVISOR:

Dear Sean

The child will not be eligible for a British passport unless you hold a Naturalization certificate, or can prove that you resided in the UK prior to his birth.Registration is no longer necessary.

ME:

Hi Barbara (I only know her name because it is in the email address)

What is a naturalization certificate and where do I get one from? What exactly do you need for me to prove that we were living in the UK?

Thank you
Jane

ADVISOR:

Dear Jane

Tax certificates, salary slips, utility bills etc proving you were living there for that period.

ME: (this time I decided to ask a lot of questions so she could just answer each oneand not have to think for herself)

Hi Barbara,

OK I can do that. Is there a form to fill in? Who do I show the proof to? Does it have to be all or any of the examples you gave? Can I email them? Do I have to do it before he is a certain age? How do I go about getting the passport once I have proved that I used to live in England? Can it be done from South Africa? How many months/years worth of proof do I need to show? Is there any other information I need to go ahead with this?

Thanks
Jane

ADVISOR: (I was a bit optimisitc it seems)

Dear Jane

These must accompany the application and send as much evidence as possible

ME:

OK Thanks
Jane

ADVISOR:

Only a pleasure

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What pleasure???? I knew more BEFORE she 'helped' me!

Other than this 'helpful' interaction I have spoken to a lady in Pretoria who has given me some different advice and looked at 3 govenment websites which also claim different things. This is what I have read/been told so far:

I must register his birth in the UK

That I cannot register his birth

That he must get a visa and live there for 3 years to qualify

That if I can prove that I have lived in England for 3 years he will qualify automatically

That my residence in the UK is irrelevant

That if I have a naturalisation certificate for my own birth he will qualify automatically

That I must apply before he is 12months old

That there is no time constraint

That I must apply before he is 18

Anyone else got any advice that might be a bit more useful... I would GREATLY appreciate it! Or is my 3 month old son a genuine risk to national security?

AAAAGGGHH!

2008-04-01T09:06:00.003+02:00

Right, I am on my soap box so beware!!!! Before I start ranting I would just like to mention that I LOVE living in South Africa, but that doesn't make it all OK!

We have appliances...electrical ones... that make life easier and more interesting in some ways, such as a microwave (mine can roast a chicken in 45 mins) and a TV, for those fleeting moments when there is something good to watch, among other things! Well, not any more! I lie, we still have them, they just don't work.

We are lucky, I am told, as we have a schedule to follow to know when we are going to be without power... how is that lucky? I pay my bill, I am therefore ENTITLED to power ALL THE TIME! AND I am entitled to working appliances...electrical ones...that are not blown up by a power surge when they switch it back on! I know, I know...unplug them! Not always possible for various reasons especially when you are out and they haven't mentioned that they are starting the schedule again!

The second complaint I have to make is to the weather man: please warn us when a HECTIC storm is going to be directly overhead targetting our house and specifically our modem, with the possible - thankfully failed - intention of frying Hubby to a charred crisp in the process. Yes, we have been cut off from the world for 4 DAYS!!! I nearly had a complete nervous breakdown!

Anyway, we at least have fixed the internet issue, now to find a new microwave and TV!

My third gripe of the day is that the petrol price is going up in double digits again tomorrow. This morning I topped up the just over a quater of a tank that I had used and what used to cost about R100 cost me R170 and tomorrow it will cost me EVEN MORE. Bread, which is a staple food for many of the poorer people in this wonderful country, cost around R5 last year, now costs nearly R8 per loaf! I am, in fact, going to refrain from ranting about the weakness of the rand as I have run out of Rescue Remedy!

I am told these are minor set backs and things are bound to improve, but surely this standard of living is no longer all it's cracked up to be! Surely somewhere else in the world we can find some of the good stuff South Africa has to offer without all the bad stuff... or is this just a case of greener grass in other pastures?

I remain torn!

Stranger Danger and other Areas of Concern!

2008-03-26T08:22:00.008+02:00

At school and at home Shannon is constantly reminded about Stranger Danger. I find this topic to be an eternal minefield of 3 year old logic and adult inconsistencies! First let me ask this: how is it OK that we tell our children NEVER to talk to strangers and certainly never to accept things from them, and then at Christmas encourage them to go and sit on a strange man's lap and ASK for a pressie? As adults we can see the (slight) difference, but at 3, 4, 5 years old... certainly not!

My other dilemma in this issue is that I am trying to raise friendly, confidant and outgoing children and that means they need to develop the ability to talk to people they have never met and not to be terrified of them. Now, once again, as an adult, I can see that there are situations in which children can talk to strangers and times when it is wholly unsuitable... how do I explain the difference to Shannon?

Her latest take on the whole situation is that if she acknowledges that the person is a stranger it is OK, so whenever we go to the shops and she sees a car guard, for example, she shouts: "Hello Stranger Danger!" One feels the poor man needs an explaination, but where to begin?

Shannon also feels it is sensible to ask someone if they are a Stranger Danger, which sorta defeats the object, since if they really were a danger they would be vey unlikely to mention it!

The other thing that has evidently become an Area of Caution for us is Shannon's ability to listen to and repeat what we have said. There is a man who parks his car in our complex on the grass outside our neighbour's house. He does not live in the complex but feels his handbreak won't hold on his own driveway. We are asked not to park on the grass anyway as it has a bit of a negative impact on the quality of our front lawns. Sean said something about this, under his breath, when leaving with Shannon to go shopping and Shannon asked why he had his cross face on. So Sean told her that the man was naughty for parking on the grass. Not long after this we saw the man getting into his car and Shannon said loudly, as 3 year olds do: "That man's naughty, hey Daddy!" Once again... where to start with an explaination?

And, just because I am an overindulgent parent:
Not sure how to turn it so if anyone has any ideas please let me know!

Winter Weekend

2008-03-17T07:57:00.003+02:00

If this is the onset of winter already then I am sorely dissapointed with South Africa's abismal effort at summer this year. Summer did not really arrive until mid January, then we had an unforgivably hot February (which was bliss if you were by the pool and more than a little uncomfortable if you were working outside!) followed by a week of the same in March and now, mid march, we are back to jerseys and longs! By my calculation that is a shorter summer than even Mud Island gets! And the weather is one of the reasons we live in this part of the world! Those reasons seem to be diminishing one by one! Ah well, anything to make The Decision easier!

This weekend, weather notwithstanding, has been funfilled and interesting. On Friday night we went, with the rest of the family, to watch Kyle perform in a play in Westville. On top of outshining the rest of the cast with his acting ability, Kyle wowed the audience with his singing. We are all very proud of him, none more so than Shannon. I was a little nervous as to how Shannon would behave at the play as it started at 8pm and finished at 10:30pm, so I made sure she had a late afternoon nap and supper before we left and then just had to wait and see. She was spellbound. Just my luck - with 2 kids in tow -they were filming that night and asked everyone to keep the noise limited to that of applause (!) This added to my apprehension somewhat but where Shannon was concerned I need not have worried! The one comment Shannon did make was to Sean:

Shannon: "Daddy, that's Kyle Hey?"
Daddy: "yes it is!"
Shannon: "But that girl called him Seymour" (!)

Oh yes, and she took the mick out of the 2 young men sitting behind us! They laughed... she copied them! They heard! EVERYONE disolved into giggles... giggles that may or may not mesh with what you see on the video!

Jordan was another story - perhaps because I assumed (never assume with kids) that he would sleep, as he normally does, at that time! Anyway he eventualy fell asleep and I spent the evening proudly watching Kyle... and Shannon!

On Saturday we went to Hilton to the Dedication of Noah Clulow, which was lovely. Despite the weather it was a fantastic day. Once again it was Jordan and not Shannon who couldn't sit still and poppet behaved brilliantly throughout! Who'd a thunk! Anyway continuing with the good behaviour, Shannon sat on the floor at Al and Susie's house, where we went for lunch afterwards, and played quietly with Noah' toys... and then packed them away afterwards when I asked her to.

From there we went to George's 'posi' to watch rugby and braai... in the rain... and that is were the wheels fell off! Running on the tiles outside Shannon did a complete wheels up and landed on her head! Children, being more resilliant than we give them credit for, seem to hurt less than we would under the same conditions, and other than a sore head she was fine...

After all the excitement of the 2 previous days, we spent Sunday pottering around the house! In tracksuits and slippers...in March!

Our very own Evil Knievil

2008-03-09T18:49:00.006+02:00

Having not done the bicycle thing for a while in order to allow my frayed nerves a chance to recover, today we thought it would be a good way of expending some energy! So, with Jordan in the pram, and Shannon on her bike, we set off along 50 meters of flat road. Flat, that is, until the end where it becomes a Very Steep Hill.

Shannon was ahead of Jordan and me. She didn't stop at the end. Emitting a howl of dimay she went HURTLING down the Very Steep Hill. (We have still not mastered the breakes due to Being Too Small) Leaving Jordan in his pram in the middle of the road I took off at a sprint to try - in vain - to catch her before the inevitable happened - she had to stop somewhere - She then levelled out and narrowly missed hitting a parked car, instead heading for another Very Steep Hill. Once again, still howling and hurtling, she successfully negotiated the hill... then crossed the road (this is not as bad as it seems - we live in a complex and Sunday afternoons are usually devoid of people) and crashed into the pavement on the opposite side. The front wheel stopped right there, Shannon and the back wheel leapt with great agility over the front wheel, Shannon landed on her head in a bush with the bike on top of her. She has NOT A SCRATCH! There are 2 small holes in her helmet which would, presumably, have been holes in her head had helmet not been in situ! I gathered her up, still howling from fright - her, not me - and grabbed the bike in the other hand to get back to Jordan before someone ran into him - I know, sunday afternoon... complex... devoid of people... did I ever mention I'm a little paranoid?

We came home for some rescue (for me) and to swap bikes to the black plastic motorbike (for her) and went for a walk. Avoiding hills.

Bicycle is locked in the garage... have considered throwing away the key!

POWAR

2008-03-07T10:48:00.004+02:00

Protect Our Women Against Rape

This morning was the scheduled court hearing for the rapists... we turned out in force! Hundreds of people drove to the Pinetown Court House for a silent protest against crime in this country. The support for Jessica was overwhelming, and it was uplifting to see how many people care and how many people are willing to at least try to make a difference. People held up placards and banners condemning rapists to the death penalty and calling for crime to be stopped, many people carried candles representing the need for peace in our country.

Hopefully we have set a precedent for the future for people to stand up visibly against crime, no matter what creed or colour, rather than complaining about it behind closed doors.

After the Pinetown court house, a great many people went back up to the Hillcrest police station where these criminals are being held and, with the use of a loud hailer, told them in no uncertain terms, in Zulu so there could be no misunderstanding, what will happen to them if they EVER get out on the streets of South Africa again. I think they messed with the wrong girl.

As for Jessica, I am awestruck by your bravery and openness in this terrible lifechanging incident. That this happened to you is devastating and unforgivable, and you must allow yourself to grieve, but your strength will help others to speak out and get help and that is something to be immensly proud of.

Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your dad on the long road ahead.

NOTE ADDED: I was disgusted to hear that the event at Hillcrest Police Station turned sour and those who were supposed to be standing up against crime were harassing innocent passers by and causing chaos. This is NOT the way to make our point.

Jessica's Courage

2008-03-05T18:18:00.006+02:00

This evening Jessica, who is the survivor of the atrocious rape incident on Sunday, spoke out on Newswatch on East Coast Radio. Her message was to all the other women who have suffered this heinous crime to speak out and get help. All the sick bastards who were involved have been caught and are behind bars tonight. There is irony in the fact that their lives within a South African jail will be afflicted by incidents similar to the crime they committed! My personal preference would have been a shoot out in which they were all killed, but I suppose we have to be grateful for small victories.

Jessica has shown amazing courage and resilliance and our thoughts and prayers remain with her, her father and the rest her family as they strive to put this devastating incident behind them and move on with their lives.

Violent crime

2008-03-03T08:05:00.005+02:00

In South Africa we live with violent crime around us all the time. In theory the trick is to be alert and cautious and you will remain safe. The reality is very different. It can happen to anyone at any time.

In order to stay living in South Africa, one develops an ability to put the terrors of violent crime to the back of the mind, in order that we do not spend our days in fear of doing anything. This means that we live normal, happy lives in a beautiful country. Unfortunately, however, the high incidence of violent crime in South Africa ensures that it is never long before someone in our own circle of friends has their life changed devastatingly and forever!

Yesterday a young lady in our community was gang raped at gun point while out walking her dogs. Her father, who was with her, was held at gunpoint while the sick bastards committed this heinous crime. I don't know any details so won't elaborate any further. Even in broad daylight it is unsafe to go out and enjoy our beautiful countryside.

So how do we go on living in our country? To me the only answer is: we don't. I have heard all the reasons to stay...

Well sorry, here is my reason to leave:

I have to protect my innocent children and I feel powerless to do that here!

As we all know I am a paranoid parent, which means that while living here I am not inclined to stray far from home alone with my kids... some idyllic life eh? But what it also means is that really I should be afraid even with Sean around. I can live with all the other things that come with living in Africa... but NOT the violent crime.

Luckily, or maybe hopefully, I will put this fear to the back of my mind again where it will hover until the next incident, and I can go on living a normal, happy life in a beautiful country.

The young lady and her father who survived this ordeal, however, may NEVER be able to do that. To you and your family, the hearts and prayers of our community go out to you, we hope you get all the support and guidance you need to regain some normailty in your lives.

To everyone else, take care and be safe.

ME time!

2008-02-29T06:11:00.000+02:00

I am one of those lucky people who really genuinely enjoys her own company. I really rejuvinate when I get to have a couple of quiet hours where no work needs to be done and the kids are in bed and... Hubby is out! The thing is I like it on MY terms! Selfish I know but I make no excuse, its called ME time so there must be a certain selfish element to it!

This week Sean has been away. Since Tuesday. ME time has become Missing Sean time. He is not back til tomorrow! OK so he is working... earning our keep...but that is not the point, ME time ought to be on MY terms! Perhaps it is because I have not had much adult conversation for the last 3 days... and I have so many many words to get out. Sean will have no input for a few days when he gets back, other than 'hmmm' or 'mmhmm' or just 'mmmm'. On top of having to listen to me getting my words out, he will also have to listen to Shannon. Yup, she is a girl so also has LOTS of words to get out... believe me!

Jordan has discovered that it is easier to sleep than listen to his sister jabbering on (not even I can get a word in edgeways with that little motor mouth around!) and though he chats to me it is sort of along the same lines as my prediction for Sean - 'hmmm' or 'mmhmm' or just 'mmmm' - as well as aaaarrr, which is his favorite word at the mo! The difference is Jordan has NO idea what I am talking about (not sure if Sean actually ever does either come to think of it) so I tend to talk nonsense and therefore do not really get my words out!

Shannon had her teacher in stitches yesterday. She told her teacher that she had a baby in her tummy:
'Really?' asked the teacher,
'Yes,' says Shannon sincerely 'would you like to hold it?'
'Yes please,' says the teacher
'OK' says Shannon 'Just wait a minute while I pop it out!'

Shannon and I usually argue about which shoes she should wear to school, I want her to wear practical ones that she can climb and run in, and she wants to wear her pretty ones. Argument over... the monthly newsletter has just told us that shoes are unnecessary - children learn through all of their senses and feet count for the sense of touch too - and just get lost! YAY (for now... will have to rethink in winter!)

Jordan now weighs 5.3KG and is 57cm long (can't really call it tall as he is horizontal not upright!) Not surprising with the amount he eats, but I am fast running out of clothes that fit him!

A messy business

2008-02-26T18:15:00.001+02:00

This weekend was... um... interesting, to say the least. On Friday our septic tank packed up which left us high and dry (literally) as we were totally unable to use our loos, shower, sinks or washing machine. Thankfully, Sean's hospitable brother and family came to the rescue and gave us the use of their grannyflat. So we spent the weekend in Hillcrest which turned out to be very nice.

On Monday the powers that be said they would sort out the tank, so we came home intending to spend the day here, having showered at Dean and Tracy's before we left. THE SMELL was APPAULING... Sean went to work and I went back to Hilcrest. Thankfully in the afternoon we got a call to say that all was clear and we could return home. YAY.

On the way home yesterday morning, Shannon, who had just woken up when we left (it was 6am) turned to me and said, in a very sleey voice, "Mom, I'm old" I said "well done, Poppet", for want of anything more intelligent to say, and in order to hide my mirth, and Sean cackled with laughter in the front seat - Jordan has relegated me to back seat travelling which means we are girls in the back and boys in the front! - I thought it better not to ask, so we are still in the dark as to why poor Poppet felt so old.

Today Jordan is 6 weeks old so we are off to the baby clinic for his jabs! Poor little man!

The Hendry Correctional Centre for Wayward Children

2008-02-22T18:34:00.000+02:00

Sean and I have become a little concerned over the volume of food our dear daughter fails to consume. For breakfast she has weetbix and generally does fairly well with that, then her lunch consists of a sandwich, a yogurt or cheese, and grapes or raisins. She usually eats half the sandwich! Supper is about a cup full of a wide variety of options from 'fun' foods to veggies! Whatever is on the menu takes between and hour and an hour and a half to finish and after half that time we end up feeding her! You can imagine the mild frustration as supper starts just after 5pm and finishes near bed time at 7! We have tried every trick we can think of to get her to focus better but to no avail.

SO.

Shannon now has a star chart. I have included on it things that she achieves fairly regularly like going to bed in her own bed rather than ours (!), and brushing her teeth before bed without being asked to (this activity is supervised), so that she can taste the success once in a while. Yesterday was day one. NO STAR FOR SUPPER. She did get the teeth, bed and this morning's breakfast ones, however, and is beginning to get the picture! I have roped in her teacher who will give shannon a butterfly stamp on her hand if she finishes her lunch which will then get her a star on her chart when she gets home. Amazing how important stars are to a 3 year old. Anyway, she also knows there are no treats unless she gets all her stars on first a daily (small treat) and then a weekly (bigger treat) basis.

I feel a bit like a tyranical dictator, everything Shannon does seems to have consequences in one way or another! Ah well, the theory is that strict parenting at this age develops well rounded, stable adults so here's hoping!

On a lighter note, this morning when we were getting breakfast ready, Shannon said she wasn't ready to eat just yet as she was still waiting for her supper to go down into her leg!

Big Girl Bike

2008-02-20T19:44:00.000+02:00

On Sunday night Sean came home from some friend's house with a handed down bicycle for Shannon. Said bike is about 2 years too big for her - her feet are a long way from the ground - but it comes with stabilisers so it's not too much of a problem. Not to mention I though it would take her a few weeks to get going on it before she would get adventurous and so give her time to grow a little.

It was not to be so. After school on Monday Shannon asked if she could ride her Big Girl Bike. So, with Jordan asleep in his pram we ventured onto the road outside the house. Shannon climbed up onto the saddle and did the half peddle forward half peddle back thing that I was expecting, as I have seen it many a time before in other little first time bike riders. Well, that lasted about 5 mins with me running alongside pushing with one hand and rotating her feet with the other. (I am quite sure I will feature on one of those funniest home video programs thanks to my rather amused neighbours!) and then this happened:

As you can imagine I was VERY proud of my clever little cyclist! There is a down side, however... she hasn't got the hand strength to operate the breaks. So, though we live on a flat road, my nerves were shot as she kept turning round near the steep driveways... with NO WAY OF STOPPING before hitting a car or garage door.

Yesterday, she had her first fall... getting off the bike! Her feet have a long way to go and I think she got a bit tangled! So, having convinced her to get back on for just a little bit longer in order to rid her of any fear, we came inside for milkshakes (and a little rescue remedy for Mom!) to make us feel better!

Perhaps we'll wait til Dad is around for the next bicycle outing!

5 years of Happily Ever After

2008-02-15T21:09:00.000+02:00

As it turns out 5 years of marriage gets you... a piece of wood! For 5 years!? For all that work??? @!*%*#@! OK I realise it can be somthing fashioned from wood, but really! Wood! I am torn, however, because wood is the traditional 5 year anniversary gift, but there is a modern one (wood is obviously not good enough for some people!) which is silverware! Now that smacks of commercialism, which is one of the main reasons I don't like valentine's day! If you love someone...love them!!! Don't save all your love up for one day a year and then show it through materialism!!! People will develop issues!!! hmmmm... hang on...go ahead and develop some issues while I study, and then pay me lots of money to sort them out for you once I am qualified!

I, however, plan to remain issue free (they are not issues, Vanessa, they are points for consideration) and stick to tradition. If wood is tradition then wood it must be. In this vein I have decided to give Sean a tree. I think a money tree. Strategically placed in the house according to the laws of feng shui of course! (I never said I was entirely free of the Material Girl!)

Happy Anniversary Sean, I hope we have 50 more together!

That's just crazy!

2008-02-14T21:42:00.000+02:00

This morning whilst waiting til it was time to leave for school, Shannon assumed the role of comedienne to keep us all entertained. In her effort to hold my attention she was leaping round the room doing 'business' and her 'work' and I wasn't to touch anything lest I break it or hurt myself. (!)

So having leapt off her stool and over the tape measure, trodden on my foot a few times and done 'tippy toes', which she learned at ballet, she proceded to look me levelly in the eye and say: "but I mustn't do this" (vigorous running on the spot while growling and flayling her arms around) "because that's just crazy". I suppose the rest of it is really sensible when you are 3!

Another of Shannon's Sensible Activities is launching herself from the couch onto the beanbag. (we do not normally encourage jumping on furniture but this was too good to resist!) What is even greater fun is to have Dad lying on the beanbag. I am sure they have a name for this in wrestling circles:

Over the weekend Shannon got out her paints and asked me if she could paint her hands so that she could make colourful handprint pictures. This is one of her favourite activities so we set up the table outside and left her to it. It never occurred to me that she would be into body art, but here is the result of Shannon's HAND painting:

Now, because it is a well known fact that subsequent children NEVER get photographed as often as first children I am making it my duty to ensure that a million or so pictures are taken of Jordan to match the million or so we have of Shannon. - note to self: buy bigger hard drive!

Here is the little man at 4 weeks old:

This one's a bit mushy!

2008-02-12T20:18:00.000+02:00

So 5 years ago this week I was laying down the final preparations for our wedding! The funny thing is that part of me feels like we have been together for forever, while another part can't believe that 5 years of marriage have already been and gone.

So much has happened since - we lived in England then, it was not my favourite place to live, but we still had some great adventures. We had a baby girl in June 2004, then 6 months later we moved back to SA, amongst other things we ran an art printing business together, later we both discovered our own career paths to follow, (we also discovered that we both like to be the boss so for our sanity we sold the business!) I have finished a year of a psychology degree and Sean has emmersed himself in the world of steel fabrication, and the latest development is the birth of our baby boy. And life continues.

What I know for sure is that the one thing we can rely on in life is change... as well as death and taxes!... and something that keeps me grinning smugly is the fact that I can rest assured that I married the right man because through thick and thin our relationship gets stronger and we grow closer. Our change has always been for the better! Our family unit is complete now with our big girl Shannon and baby boy Jordan completing the picture.

The thing I've noticed as our family grows, is that family traditions develop...all by themselves. I am a big fan of family traditions if only for the chance that when the kids are grown up they will be able to reminisce about the positive influence and grounding constant of family that shaped their childhood experiences. I come from a BIG family... let me rephrase that... a HUGE family, and we grew up around eachother, with family holidays and get-togethers which are now very fond memories for me and which positively influenced my perspective of families. That is not to say that families do not come with their problems, dissappointments and tragedies, but what I do believe is that encouraging a positive sentiment regarding family helps us to pass on to the next generation the importance of our closest relationships.

So that is my goal with my family. I will try to make their foundations strong so that they can live functional, happy and successful lives, when I get it wrong it will always be with the best intentions, and let's face it, though I come very close... no one is perfect!

I wonder where we will be 5 years from now?

Sleep what?

2008-02-08T23:43:00.000+02:00

Night 3! Damn that growth spurt... right in the middle of my experiment! So Jordan woke up every 2 hours for a feed. 11pm, 1am, 3am and 5am. Roughly. Which seemed to me as though just as I was getting to sleep I was waking up again. So the sense of humour has failed again. Seem to be OK now but it is nearly the middle of the afternoon. Note to self: PLAN NOTHING when you have a 3 week old baby!

This is how my days usually pan out:

6:10am - groggily kiss Hubby goodbye as he leaves for work

6:15am - leap out of bed while Jordan is still content and dress Shannon, brush her hair and pack her school lunch (made at stupid o' clock by Sean before he left for work)

6:25am - tend to the screeching foodie who wants his breakfast, play plastic animals one handed with Shannon to distract her from distracting Jordan!

6:50am - put Jordan down and shower in record time

6:55am - get dressed

7am - tend to screeching foodie for second time

7:30am - gather things: 3yr old, 3 week old, car seat, school bag, check Shannon has shoes on (this is never a given even if we have put them on already)

7:40am - drive to school and drop off Shannon

8am - arrive home

This usually happens vaguely in this manner with one or two deviations depending on who is demanding what at what time. But, I am sad to say, this is where the military operation falls apart. Hence the note to self... just a reminder... PLAN NOTHING!

Yesterday I had a hugely productive day, I got most of a written assignment finished, chucked out a LOAD of junk (yes life laundry continues) that we seem to continually collect, tidied most of the house, did my 10 mins on The Treadmill AND tended to the needs of my precious baby boy, all before 2:15pm when I left to fetch Shannon from School.

Today, well, what you see is what you get. This post is the sum total of my day. Oh, except I did the dishes. My plan was to finish that assignment. Note to self: PLAN NOTHING.

Growth spurts and sleeping patterns

2008-02-08T02:42:00.000+02:00

Of all the things I have to fit into my day, unfortunately blogging comes at the bottom of the list. It is a matter of sneaking off, as I have just now, with one little angel playing with her plastic animals and the other sleeping peacefully, for a little 'me time'! So here I am and I better be quick!

It seems that my little angels have syncronised their growth spurts! For the last 10 days or so Shannon has barely eaten a thing. Her lunch box comes home from school with half the lunch still in it, and the only other thing they get given is 2 marie biscuits in the morning and a yogurt in the afternoon. We then spend an hour trying to get a mouse sized portion of food down her neck at supper time and all the while wondering where she gets her energy from as it sure isn't from food! So, this week's a little different... no left overs! A peanut butter sandwich when she gets home and a tub of raisins at about 4pm. This is followed by a hearty supper of WHATEVER I give her... even veggie bake... with green bits (what is it with kids and green bits?) And Hyperactive Crazy Girl has turned into Sweet Helpful Angel (don't know if that is related but I'm hanging onto it as long as I can!) The only down side to all this is that since Jordan is ALSO having a feeding frenzy, it is exhausting keeping them both sustained at once!

Now, in a - perhaps vain? - attempt to get Jordan into a healthy sleep habit, I have moved him from his crib next to my bed to his cot in Shannon's room (Shannon was at least 3 months old when I dared to try this! She was also nearly 3 years old before she started sleeping through the night... NOT doing that again!)

The first night was a disaster! Jordan woke up every time I put him down and the 3 fitful hours I did sleep were sitting upright on the couch holding him! Imagine, if you will, the sense of humour failure yesterday! (Sean can help with details if anyone can't see it)

Last night, which was night number 2, we resumed the same sleep pattern we had before whch is 2 15-20 min feeds at around 12 and 4am... that I can handle...just. The only difference was that last night I put his crib in his cot and him in the crib! This is an on going experiment...watch this space!

OK 2 little angels are once again demanding my attention so I'm off... til the next time I find 2 mins to myself!

Same stuff different day...

2008-01-31T23:48:00.000+02:00

...although in this case there may be developments!

Eskom. My second favourite topic. The mines are powering up again so back we plunge into darkness. Sometimes I am not sure if being right is a good thing!

My favourite topic? My kids! Ha ha, I love the pleasure of multiples! OK nuff rambling!

So today Jordan has slept... again...for ages! I am patiently awaiting the change from angel to devil with the vague hope that it might never happen. Somehow I manage to function on full cylinders with 5 hours sleep a night (the timing of feeds seem to get in the way of anything more)and today I got stuck into the second year of my degree. There is a LOT to be said for exercising the brain and it has left me feeling invigorated - if a little rambly. Why did that never happen at school?

Shannon is back at school today having suffered the joys of the first-week-back-bug which came in the form of a throat infection. Shannon LOVES to go to the doctor. I think she believes that the better she behaves the bigger the sucker she will get. So we arrived at the doctor and she leapt onto the examination table opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out! Luckily I had Jordan to busy myself with, so my uncontrollable mirth at the seriousness of Poppet and the game reaction of her doctor was, at least, conceilable!

Shannon starts ballet next week and SHE CAN'T WAIT. Now, I know she is my child... I still remember the pain of birth!!!... but this little girl LOVES to wear skirts, especially ones that spin out when she whirls around and she believes that ballet gives her the License to Whirl! I guess some things are just not genetic! So ballet it is! (I am also cunningly getting her involved in activities that happen AT school in order to postpone the agony of running around like a mad woman in the afternoons.) She has told me in no uncertain terms that I have to go and watch her doing ballet, but that I will have to hold Jordan as he is not big enough to join in.

Shannon is keeping everyone in check when it comes to her little brother, including me! Yesterday I asked him (rhetorically of course) if he would like me to change his nappy, to which Shannon replied "I think he said 'yes' mommy because that one's disgusting!" Honesty is, I suppose, a virtue!

Load Shedding!

2008-01-31T01:28:00.000+02:00

Load shedding could mean many things to many people. To me it has 3 connotations:

1. Eskom should be fired (is that possible?)
2. Get baby out and shed that load! (This has been accomplished)
3. Shed pregnancy weight! (This is a work in progress)

So Eskom! OK for all of you listening to the news overseas, I understand that we in South Africa are making the headlines. Needless to say we are adapting to our 3rd World status and for anyone who thought South Africa was a first world country (yes, I have heard this said) YOU ARE WRONG. Eskom top Brass were paid R143 million last year... but they can't afford to upgrade our power supply... hmmm! They recieved bonuses in excess of R1 million each... but they can't afford to upgrade our power supply... hmmm! They recieve 'ghost shares' (yes that means more money!) from a company which is not even listed! But they can't afford to upgrade our power supply... hmmm!

OK so I have been told to be optimistic about this situation: "Not much will change!" I have heard. But I need to say this. Everything will change! What depends is whether or not one is willing to overlook the demise of South Africa in order to remain here and enjoy the standard of living we are lucky enough to have (albeit in the dark!), or to leave for greener pastures where one can use the electricity as long as one pays for it...

Not to mention this is just the tip of the iceberg... how does a country continue to develop and provide for its people without electricity? How does agriculture survive? (OK we can go back to the manual methods but production might drop just a teensy bit!) How does industry survive? (top 5 biggest mining companies IN THE WORLD have had a few problems with this question!) We can go on living like this but it's not really ideal is it?

I wonder if they'll let us host the soccer world cup in 2 years time when we have even LESS electricity... hmmm!

As for shedding a 3.86kg load... I am the EXTREMELY proud mother of a beautiful baby boy. His name is Jordan and he has slotted into our family perfectly! Sean, Shannon and I are so excited and loving every minute... he sleeps! A lot! YAY! Shannon seems to have been expecting someone she can play with so is, perhaps, a little disappointed that he sleeps so much, but I am sure she will be wishing for these days again when he is knocking over all her games when he becomes mobile!

The pregnancy weight... well... time is a great healer. I am being proactive about this and thanks to the mammoth efforts of my fabulous hubby and the kindness of in-laws I have a treadmill in my bedroom which I have used everyday since it arrived! (OK that's only a few days so far but since I enjoy it so much I believe it will be easy to keep up) I am also being destructive about it as I can't stop eating chocolate... best plan: STOP BUYING IT! Ahhh for a world without vice!

Jordan Sean Hendry

2008-01-17T03:29:00.000+02:00

Sean, Shannon and I are proud and excited to announce the arrival of Jordan to our family! He was born 15 January 2008 which is his great grandfather's birthday - Great Grandpa Coughlan would have been 92! It is also my cousins son Kian's birthday! It is also the date that Jordan's Great Grandma Hendry passed away 2 years ago. He is obviously a very special little man to choose such a prominant day for his arrival for both his Hendry and Coughlan families!

Jordan was delivered naturally and without drugs in an hour and a half, under the highly professional and skilled guidance of my Midwife Cheryl and Doula Annie. He was born in the birthing pool and was so relaxed and content on delivery that he did not cry once. His cord was cut by Sean 20 mins after birth giving him all the goodness he could get from it! Jordan weighed 3.86kgs and was 50.5cm long! Sean was, once again, the perfect birth partner and, knowing how helpful and supportive he would be, we left the hospital to return home 2 hours after Jordan was born! This was an AWESOME birth experience for me and I highly recommend Cheryl and Annie to anyone wanting a Midwife and Doula to guide them through their pregnancy!

Thank you for all the well wishes and beautiful messages we have recieved via snail mail, e-mail, sms, phone calls, blogs, facebook and in person! We will keep you all posted on Jordan's development.

Any day now...

2007-12-21T19:11:00.000+02:00

OK so true to form (based on my one prior experience) I am enough of being pregnant (that is a deliberate gramatical error, Mom, heh heh) and ready for this baby to be born now!

I know, I know, crying, pooing, sleepless nights, how can that be better than being pregnant? Well it is! It just is, so leave it at that! I want to be able to lift things, fit into normal clothes, fit into my shoes, not be preceded by a giant basketball of a tummy, bend in the middle (it is surprisingly restrictive not being able to lean forward to any degree), sleep on my tummy, get off my bed or a chair without back pain, get close enough to the sink to do the dishes (ok it is a great excuse to leave them for someone else but frustrating nonetheless), fit behind my steering wheel, open the garage door, walk without getting out of breath, climb up on Shannon's top bunk to play with her, sit on the floor to do puzzles with Shannon, and more and more and more that this physical condition prevents me from doing... but most of all I want to meet the little character who will be my second child! I want to hold and hear and smell and see my baby!

Ah and the other thing is... the thing that is keeping everybody guessing... will this baby be a boy or a girl? Actually it seems no one but me is guessing, everyone else seems to know! That's just freaky! One thing is for sure: it will be one or the other and Sean and I are excited for either result, there are pros to both options!

Last but not least... a name? Well, we are stuck on this one! Any ideas?

All in the genes...

2007-12-14T19:04:00.000+02:00

Most people who know me know that my "little" sister Suzi is in a league of her own when it comes to ... well most things in fact! Here are some things we know about Suzi:

She is super sociable

She likes to laugh

She is really blonde under that mop of dark hair... really blonde at times!

She has a SEVERE case of itchy feet (the travelling kind as opposed to some nasty affliction)

She is always shocked when she realises that someone doesn't think she is fabulous

I could go on in fact... but I have a point:

Here are some things we know about Shannon:

She is super sociable

She likes to laugh

She is blonde.... really blonde at times!

It would never occur to her that someone might not think she is fabulous

The distinctions come in due to a slight age discrepancy (for example I might be considered a bad mother if I allowed my 3 year old to dye her hair! And Shannon has not had enough life experience to discover itchy feet for travelling.)

Anyway, the main vein of this rambling is to mention that yesterday my dear "little" sister took it upon herself to leap off a waterfall into the Oribi Gorge attached to nothing more than a bungi cord (which thankfully was attached to something solid on the other end!) and which claims to have something to do with being the worlds highest swing! Knowing this did little for my nerves when it led me to think that in 15 - 20 years my precious little baby will be all grown up and persuing similar thrill seeking adventures of her own.

So how does one go about instilling a height phobia into one's children in order to protect one's own nerves from fraying? Or would that be considered child abuse? Hhhmmmmm.

What's in a word?

2007-12-10T18:25:00.000+02:00

So yesterday a number of my fabulous family and friends gathered to throw a baby shower for me! Shannon was very excited as I had told her the day before that we would be having a baby shower for mommy and the baby in my tummy. She was sorely dissappointed. As far as Shannon is concerned a shower involves water and washing and getting into the water and being wet! There was - thankfully - none of that at said baby shower. No amount of explaining could covince her that the shower had been had, and that it was about being showered with presents and not water! Needless to say I was not flavour of the afternoon as I had promised a shower which Shannon had been denied! As for me, I felt very spoiled. Thank you so much Tracey V, Kim, Amy, Tracey H, Vanessa, Nicci, Heather and Vivian, you are all fabulous friends!

Luckily for me, the previous day had been such a success on the Shannon front that I had the powers of distraction at my disposal! Our local watering hole, The Meercats, held a Christmas party for kiddies! It was brilliant, and children who attended were thrilled with the whole event! Jill, the landlady, had organised a veritable kiddy feast, Santa came to give out pressies and Nicci entertained the kids (with great enthusiasm) while Santa was preparing himself! The weather, which for the most part was appauling, kept itself in check just long enough for everyone to play outside on the jungle gyms, swings , trampoline and jumping castle.

Shannon, as usual, managed to be extremely cute: while they were all posing for a picture with Father Christmas she, who was standing on the bench next to the man himself, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said "I love you Father Christmas, thank you for my present!"

Thank you Jill and Johan for a great morning, we will be there in support of any event that is held at your very welcoming and relaxing establishment!

MISSING!

2007-11-28T21:14:00.000+02:00

In the interests of helping the community, I thought I would post this which I recieved courtesy of my dear friend Tracey. If anybody can help please leave a message on my blog:

MISSING

ROUND YELLOW THING USUALLY FLOATS AROUND IN THE SKY!!!
ANSWERS TO THE NAME ''SUN''
IF U SEE HIM TELL HIM IT'S F****** NOVEMBER!!!

That Nesting Feeling?

2007-11-26T18:15:00.000+02:00

So, I have a MOUNTAIN of work to do on my house before this baby arrives. I have to sort out Shannon's room, to accommodate said baby. I have to sort out the study...so we can get into it! I REALLY have to sort out our bedroom...once again, so we can get into it! I figured the Nesting Feeling that comes towards the end of pregnancy would cover the Sorting that needs to be done... so far no Nesting Feeling!

It is not that our house is particularly messy, in fact it is fairly tidy and organised... on the surface. It is the underlying strata that has become a problem. I am quick to blame this on the lack of time that I have had due to exams but that, as an excuse for everything, is wearing a bit thin, so now I am beginning to believe it is because we have Too Much Stuff. Time for a bit of downsizing, I reckon. So, where's that Nesting Feeling that I need to help motivate me through this Very Necessary Job?

I am sure I will soon reach the stage where it will be too exhausting to attemp such a mammoth task. Maybe realising that the job needs to be done is all the Nesting Feeling I am going to get! Perhaps I better fall back on good old self motivation and will power. OK, so where do I get those again?

Ahhh Mommyhood...

2007-11-21T21:29:00.000+02:00

There are some things that REALLY make being a Mommy better than being anything else. Since finishing the dreaded exams and "returning to normality", Shannon and I have had some real quality time together and it is BLISS (albeit a little exhausting if I HAVE to be honest!)! We have started making 'Christmas decorations', which invoves - for Shannon - cutting out Christmas gift wrap and sticking it down with glitter glue onto a piece of card, and - for Mommy - cleaning up the...erm...after effects!

Since the main reason for this post is to prove that Mommyhood is the best vocation EVER it would be remiss of me not to mention the end of year school thingies that make a Parent feel sooooooooo proud (and of course to add photos!):

Shannon at her Catrobatkidz Awards Ceremony - they got to show off some of the things they had done and they got a certificate and a medal. Shannon was obviously the cutest and best performer on the day and here is the proof:

We have also recently had School Photos. Now, I know that everybody says that their child is the most beautiful, cleverest, cutest or whatever positive out look they have, but who can argue with evidence... Shannon is TOP OF THE LIST!!!