Monday, July 30, 2007

A little selfish ranting!

I have recently had a fabulously defining moment where I have realised MANY personal misconceptions of Self and which has left me with a more profound belief in Self! (Yes, dear freinds and family, I HAVE just developed MORE self-confidence!) I have realised that what I think I believed, because I thought I was supposed to, I often don't! (I sound a little like Pooh Bear!) Now if that is not a defining moment of self understanding I don't know what is! The details are of little importance or interest to anyone other than me, but the upshot of it is that I am all at once more comfortable than ever in my life, and intrigued by where this blank page is going to take me! It certainly gives me some things to work on!

I seem to have overcome a certain insecurity that I have been niggled with forever, so YAY for that one. I have learned to admit things to myself that I never dared before - as if anyone else might notice and I might have to deal with the repercussions! Really! Haven't yet overcome the inability to admit these things to other people but, come on, one thing at a time, I am only human!

I have realised that I have made all the correct decisions for me based on what I want out of life and not what anyone else wants for me and that with that knowledge my marriage can only get better and better (and for the record it's pretty good already!) my bond with my child/children will become deeper, and I am more inclined to do for them what Sean and I believe is best and not what anyone else impresses upon us! (I know that I am already a bit headstrong about these things but who else can know what is best for a child than the child's own parent?)

I have realised that I am the person I want to be and that though things can NEVER be ABSOLUTELY perfect in any life I am certainly on the right path to making my life the best it can be. I have successfully married the only candidate for the job of Hubby to Jane, (can't think of anyone else who even comes close to fitting the bill and lets face it someone's gotta love him! ;p) I have brought the most loving, caring, headstrong, clever, funny, determined, beautiful, playful, little girl in creation into the world (with a little help from Hubby; and OK, we might be a little biased, but that is our right as parents!)

Now I am heading down the path of choosing what I want to believe in and what is important in my life and doing away with those things I thought I believed in but actually don't! Please do NOT expect a miraculous change in the person I am as all these things are internal changes in Self and, in fact, as Sean rightly pointed out I am already that person... I have just realised that it is, in fact, OK to be me!

1 comment:

Petite Mom Blogger said...

I so know where you are right now and I totally understand where you are coming from. I feel the same.