I am teetering on the edge of Can't Be Bothered. And, incidentally, Denial. Denial because Can't Be Bothered is actually a symptom of something deeper that I can't lay a finger on, not the problem itself. A lack of motivation? Unlike me. I usually potter along easily to the beat of my routine! And so where is this precipice on which I find myself?
I have many, many things to do: finalise paperwork for visas, finish and send off a unit of my diploma, join an organisation for a module of my degree, renew my driver's licence, renew Shannon's passport, apply for Jordan's passport, start assignments whose deadlines loom closer every day, write an article... yet another looming deadline... oh and cook, colour in, bath children, run...
It's not that I don't enjoy any of the tasks that make up my day. I do, in fact, enjoy almost every one of them. The incidentals are a bit of a bore but necessary nonetheless. It's just that I feel like there are bigger things afoot and that I ought to stop concentrating on all these little things and focus on the big picture. The problem is that the big picture is made up of all the little things without which there would be no picture. Am I right?
Maybe I need chocolate... or perhaps it is less serious than that?
So maybe I am losing focus? Hmmm, that sounds about right, actually. I need to focus on the 'why' behind the picture - What do all the little tasks add up to? Where will they take me? What will become of me if I do/ don't do them? - Then gather myself together and tackle each task a little bit at a time.
Ah, another insight... it's all a little overwhelming too. Having so many small tasks to concentrate on has great potential to cause unravelling. I need to put the big picture on the wall and add bits as I go, to each separate concept, little by little, building up until the next stage is complete. So deep breath, focus and... look out Salvador Dali!!!
Mother of two
9 years ago