Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Dilemma:

How long do you go on doing a favour for someone after you realise they are using you and are not even grateful?

I have been giving someone's maid a lift back to the complex everyday after I drop the kids at school. I don't mind but it does have its downsides: I am committed to coming home after the school run every day and am unable to change my mind at the last minute and go and get the shopping out the way, or pop in to the library, because I have to bring the maid back first. I forwent this freedom and arranged my life so that I could do this favour.

Yesterday I didn't realise, through my own inattention, that she had asked me to give the maid a lift home when I fetched the kids. So I happily drove on by oblivious. Later I recieved a very accusatory sms saying the poor woman had had to start walking and this person's Mother-in-Law had had to take her herself. I appologised. It was my oversight. I have heard nothing back. On top of this, I might just add that she almost never said thank you or even bothered to stick her head out the door to say good morning when I dropped the maid off. I am sure I was doing her a favour. I felt as though I was working for her.

I am not the kind of person who needs recognition for helping out and can, in fact, happily do things for people who don't even know it was me doing the deed! But in this instnace I suppose I just expected a bit of politeness and to not be taken for granted. Needless to say, I no longer will be fetching the maid and will have my time back as my own.

Is this selfish of me? What would you do in the same situation?

9 comments:

Sooze said...

Not Selfish... You have to look after number One (that's you) its great to do favours but you can't be a people pleaser all the time!

Clare said...

You are quite right - you were the one doing the favour. I'm sure if that lady had said thank you and smiled, then you would no doubt still be doing the favour. Sounds like it worked out fine for you in the end anyway.

Mom de Plume said...

Yep, I am much happier not doing it and yes, I would still be doing it if she hadn't put me off. Silly to bite the hand that feeds!

Helen + ilana = Hi said...

I've had that type of thing happen to me too. Inevitably the other person doesn't see their part in it at all. Move on taking no guilt away from it.

Word verification
Gatecti - what you feel when someone doesn't treat you respectfully. Syn. Techy.

Mom de Plume said...

Thanks Hi, you are right, they don't. Thanks for the new word!

Lesley said...

The line that forewent this one was so rude and filled with expletives, that as an educated and literate adult I am embarrassed to publish it! Needless to say I am not looking favourably on the ungrateful blighter that takes my Jane for granted!!! Ahem...bastards xxx

Mom de Plume said...

Thanks Les, you rock!!! And I can happily imagine the unpublishe line! Miss you!

Sparx said...

Wow, that's harsh. I'm not sure what I'd have done - probably the same as you, apologised and then seethed. If there's a next time I might be tempted to suggest that you just open it up - tell her you really didn't realise you had been asked, tell her that you are uncomfortable about the level of reliance on you that has been generated and that you are not able to enter a regular arrangement because what started as an occasional favour has become an obligation you just can't fulfil. Well, that's the polite version anyway! You could also just tell her to sod off...

Mom de Plume said...

LOL, my sentiments exactly Sparx! I think I was a bit caught off guard this time, next time I might feel the need to say something (polite) before the moment has passed! But the sod off thing works for me too :)