Positivity Please

I have begun to wonder why the world is coming off the rails. There is something very discomforting about the fact that my last 2 posts have ended in "Rest in Peace". Something is out of control and it must be stopped. So, in order to stem this as best I can I am going to insert some of the brilliant things that have happened recently while all this badness has tried to take over.

• Someone VERY special came to stay! I am not saying who as I selfishly told no one he would be here so that I could have him all to myself for 48 hours and because he is so wonderful others might be jealous and get cross with me. But anyway, we spent an awesome 48 hours together and caught up on so much... and ate mountains of rusks dipped in tea! I wish a certain lady could have been here too but we can't have it all, eh!
  

• My Cyborg brained big sister (actually she is tiny but since she is older than me she must be referred to as big) got her Doctorate! So to those of you out there that do not have mitigating circumstances - like I do - it's Dr. Clare from now on if you don't mind!

• I have mitigating circumstances when it comes to calling Clare Doctor. For very good reason! I asked her, when she told me she had passed her viva, what she would do now that she had reached the pinnacle of education, she said now she would try to get published. I've already achieved this so evidently I am one step ahead of her and therefore don't have to call her Dr.! (PLEASE do not burst my bubble by pointing out flaws in this logic... positivity is required in my life!)

• My ebullient little sister (yes she is little so this fits) seems to be on the right track for where she wants to be in life and is finally in a fabulous relationship with a fabulous man!
  

• I have been commissioned to write 2 more articles which makes me a bona fide writer as far as I am concerned. And I have been paid for every article I have submitted! None of this writing-for-free-to-make-a-name-for-yourself rubbish! (Although if needs must...)
  

• Kim is coming home!!! Yay!! For the record, Kim, we miss you LOADS. It may be just for a couple of weeks but a little dose of Kim is required by lots of people that I care about!

• Buddy and Grandma Hendry are also headed in our general direction so there will be plenty of family support at a time when it is well needed!
  

• I don't have tonsils so I couldn't catch tonsillitis from Tracey (sorry Tracey but this is about me!)

• Best of all, through some kind of friend ESP, Tracey has just arrived with avo and toast (well bread but (positively) we have electricity to make it into toast) and come to see me just when I was thinking I could really use a friend.

• I am about to eat avo on toast... mmmmmmm!

Right, that is a fair amount of positivity which should keep me going til the next post which, with any luck, will start to be good news again!

The Hendry Family

This blog is becoming a bit morbid but, devastatingly, the tragedy continues...

Yesterday, my niece Amy and 2 of her friends, Jennifer-Rae and Kate, were driving to the South Coast to go camping with some other friends for the long weekend. En route they stopped in Amanzimtoti to change drivers, and were hijacked. At 3:40 in the afternoon. In broad daylight. In a public place. The.... you have no idea what words I want to use here... I will settle for: callous, audacious, beasts shot Jen, who was in the drivers seat, and it seems the same bullet tore through Jen and into Kate who was in the passenger seat. Kate is in ICU and at this stage we do not know the repercussions of her injuries. Amy was physically unscathed, but, after being a victim of the attack, taking Kate to safety, having her belongings violently wrenched away from her, and holding and talking to her dear friend Jen in her final moments, will never be the same carefree young lady that she was.

Amy has an amazing support group in her many, many friends as well as her ever doting family and I am so grateful that she is constantly surrounded by them at this time.

I am ANGRY. I am scared, I am shocked, I am terribly saddened, but most of all I am ANGRY. How DARE they do this to 3 young women with so much going for them... how dare they do this to ANYONE. How brazen they were, attacking the car in a populated shopping street in broad daylight. This is what South Africa has come to. I loved this country, I wanted my children to grow up here. I haven't wanted that for a while now. It is pushed to the back of my mind, since we have to go on with our lives and we have to have lives. We have to do things and go places. We can't barricade ourselves in our houses.

We are leaving. It is just a matter of when. There are many, many people in this beautiful country who say they will never leave. I can't be one of them. I have to take my children somewhere where they have a chance to grow up without fear in their hearts.

I have so much else I want to say. I can't find the words. Our hearts go out to Jen's family, God give you strength. Kate, we are thinking of you and wishing you a full recovery. Amy we love you dearly and are here for you whenever you need us.

Rest in peace Jen.

The Coughlan Family

Today a good number of my Coughlan family are gathered in Zimbabwe for the funeral of my Aunt Sheelagh. She was killed in a car accident on Friday. Our thoughts are with her husband, Brian, her children, Lauren, Brian and Lindsay, and all her brothers and sisters, as well as all the rest of our grieving family. We are all shocked by this tragedy!

Tomorrow, this family will be taking Granny Coughlan's ashes to their final resting place, Chitora Farm, Rusape, where Grampa Coughlan is waiting for her. Gran passed away on April 24th this year. Sheelagh will also be laid to rest with Granny and Grampa at Chitora.

There is enough grief now - please give us a chance to deal with it all!

Rest in Peace

Feeling flat!

This blog is intended to be a (hopefully) comical look at the Fab Four who make up this wonderful family of mine... today it is, however, a place for me to off load a bit. So if you prefer your whine in a glass (and without the h) leave now!

There are lots of things making me feel a bit flat - I am not going to go into the biggest causes because I am feeling a little private about it all. Perhaps once some time has passed.

Maybe a little has to do with the weather and the fact that - due to two unnamed (but very short and dependent) people - I have had very little sleep in the last week, but I am feeling FLAT today. Yesterday I was OK, I was productive and chirpy and positive about so much (hmmm the sun was shining yesterday, wonder if there is a coincidence?)

Anyway, GinGin has broken down and has to be towed to the car hospital. At least she hasn't completely broken down but those in the know think that if I drive her again she will... something to do with no oil pressure. So I am driving Sean's car... not VERY pleased, although most think I am crazy as GinGin is a Ford Tonic (hence the name) and Sean's car is a merc! Still prefer GinGin!!! And since we are not entirely sure what the problem is, we are not entirely sure how long it will take to get sorted which therefore follows that we are not entirely sure when I will get my car back. A BIG downside to this is that I have to drop Sean off at his Boss's house at 6:15am for work and fetch him afterwards. Grrr. I want my car back!

My next topic of disgruntle-dom is judgemental people. Who or what gives anyone the right to judge people they don't know, without giving themselves a chance to get to know them...properly? Usually this doesn't bother me because how I feel about myself and those around me is what is important to me not what others (who do not know them) think of them... today I am feeling judged by the world. Not for any apparent reason mind you, just out of the blue. For what it is worth I am a very nice person and worth the effort! I know, I know... build a bridge and get over it! *snif*

OK I am done wallowing. For now.

Jordan has decided that there is more to life than sleeping and therefore has given it up... indefinitely. I have a feeling that the sleeplessness has something to do with teething, but only because I have exhausted all other possibilities as he has no other specific symptoms except putting things in his mouth which is normal anyway!!! He has also learnt that if he squeezes his fat tummy in a certain way and purses his lips he can squeal. Loudly. And incessantly. Very cute... or a form of Chinese torture.

Also, he has decided that my advice to him that he should try to meet his developmental milestones at the end of the appropriate age, rather than the beginning as Shannon did, is a load of rubbish and sat beautifully by himself at the tender age of four and a half months. Which probably means I do not have VERY long before we need to dig out the baby gates to pen him in to the areas of the house in which I can see him at all times!

Shannon has been spoilt this year with her birthday present coming 3 weeks early - because a) we had nowhere to stash it, and b) we are not very good at denying ourselves the instant gratification of witnessing her pleasure and excitement. She got a trampoline. Second hand but she doesn't know the difference. It takes up most of our garden, but that along with the swings makes the garden what it is intended to be: children's playground!

Shannon's reaction was tenfold what we anticipated: Sean came home from work with the tramp and once Shannon had gone to bed, assembled it in the garden. Once it resembled a trampoline he went to get her out of bed. Shannon could not believe her eyes and did not release Sean from the biggest hug I think he has ever got! Then she hurled herself at me, then back to Sean all the time saying "my trampoline" over and over. Unfortunately for the little madam it is raining today so she has to stare longingly out the window at it...

Tomorrow will be a better day!

Out of the Mouthes of Babes

WARNING - NOT FOR SENSITIVE READERS.

My dearly beloved daughter, who always has us in stitches with her off the wall behaviour and statements, gave us a lesson (actually more like an imprompu exam...without the prior learning) in controlled parenting skills. In fact we had to maintain total self control in an instance where our natural reaction was to burst out laughing unstoppably!

We were sitting at the table having supper - which I have finally managed to organise so that the whole family eats together... long may it last! - and Shannon was telling us about her day, when, in her best gossipy voice, she came out with this:

Shannon: You know what Kyla James said at school? (his name is Tyler not Kyla but she hasn't clocked the difference yet)
Dad: What did Tyler James say?
Shannon: F***

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckliy - as there was little margin for error on our part - we were both able to not react to that and remained aware that in many ways it is not funny. Since she has no idea what the word means, and is only aware that there is something wrong with it due to the way the teachers reacted, the horror in her voice and on her face in her retelling of this event was why we really battled not to dissolve into uncontrollable giggles. Had we laughed, rather than sternly emphasising the need to NEVER repeat the story to anyone... ever..., she would have been a bit confused and probably gone on to tell other people who would have been absolutely horrified by our innocent daughter's language (although it is still early days with this one!).

Retrospectively, however, I am unable to maintain such composure, and keep getting those upwellings of giggles which, being the way I am, I am incapable of squashing. So I am paying for my sins by getting bewildered or pitiful looks from anyone and everyone around me. Not to mention the little madam herself keeps asking me why I am laughing!

The House of Sleep

Last night something strange happened in our house. This is how it all began: at bedtime, Jordan was screaming about something or other and there was no consoling him. Since I had gone through The List of possible options and nothing cheered him up I decided just to put him down to bed anyway. He stopped crying as I did this and stared at me in indignant surprise, as if to say who do you think you are? can't you see I am cross? Supressing the urge to giggle at his expression, I turned on his mobile and left the room. There was silence (except for the mobile music). I then went through the Shannon Bedtime Routine and got her settled. We sang a few songs together and then I went to enjoy a glass of wine in celebration of my Dad's birthday! Then Jordan realised I wasn't coming back, the mobile had stopped and he started to cry again... although this time with less enthusiasm. I went back to him and turned on the mobile again and walked out (trying VERY hard not to respond to the huge, open mouthed grin I got when he saw me!) Shannon took her usual hour to fall asleep but then the house was quiet. None if this is completely out of the ordinary, it has happened before... this has not:

• Jordan slept til 5am... without waking up...at all! I woke up! As did Sean. But Jordan slept, blissfully unaware that our broken sleep was still his doing!
• Shannon got up to go to the loo in the night and went back to her own bed!

I am not expcting any miracles and at this stage am putting it down to the fact that Jordan overheard me and Sean agreeing that Sean would do the Saturday night feed this weekend so that I could get some much needed sleep! Manipulative little monkey thinks if he sleeps through I won't bother to express and then I wil have to get up and see him if he wakes up!

Well we'll see.

Jordan was weighed and measured today and weighed 7.5kg and is 65cm long... getting too heavy to lug around everywhere - I need a baby caddy!

Go Home!

Shannon has found a new independence! She has always been very independent and determined to do things by herself. We know this as she says, leaving no uncertainty, "I can". But now it is beginning to define her existence! So now I am beginning to feel a little redundant as here are the things I am not allowed to help with:

• Getting dressed (no matter what she chooses to wear!)
• Brushing teeth
• carrying her school bag to the car (bonus - I used to look like a sherpa with all the things I had to carry)
• Opening the car door
• Closing the car door
• Doing up her seat belt

Anyway the list goes on and includes many areas of her life including food preparation, cleanliness, and self preparation. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to extend to self entertainment and I am still required to be number one playmate!

However!

Regularly, these days, when I drop her at school, Shannon likes to walk herself to the gate while I watch her safely into the door from the safe distance of the car. So she gives me a good bye kiss and waves to me from the door as someone lets her in! Today was different. Today she said "I can't kiss you mom as I have lipstick on (!) and I am at school so you can go home! Not even so much as a "have a nice day Mom" or "I'll miss you Mom" just "Go home".

*snif* my baby is a big girl... when did that happen?

Is the window closed?

Yesterday Mary (who is here from England) Sean, Shannon, Jordan and I went to uShaka to go and see the amazing aquarium and to watch both the Seal and Dolphin shows! When we arrived the first thing we saw were some small sharks swimming around below us in a tank surrounded by very real looking rocks and - luckily - a fence! With a sign on it. No Swimming. Do you suppose people really need that sign? I digress.

So we entered the very real looking ghost ship which houses the aquarium and, after descending into its dark and murky depths, we came across 3 portholes through which we could see a colourful array of fish. I tried, in my excitement on her behalf, to lift Shannon up to the porthole... She squealed in dismay and wriggled til I dumped her unceremoniously on her feet a good metre from said porthole! Mary leant forward to show Shannon that she could get right up to the glass to see the fish and the sharks - which I think caused most of the dismay in the first place - and Shannon asked, in a very small voice: "Is the window closed?"

After establishing that the windows were indeed closed, Shannon was unstoppable! She wanted to see everything and to move on to the next thing to see if it was as good if not better than what she had already seen. And what a perfect day we had. I footled around with Jordan who slept fed and stared, bewildered, at the sea life, Sean took pictures and Mary and Shannon look at sea creatures, talked about sea creatures, claimed sea creatures (those are my Dolphins, hey Mary!) and got drenched by sea creatures.

We arrived at Seaworld at about 10am and saw all there was to see in the aquarium, watched the sharks being fed, watched a seal training session and then later a seal pantomime (!), and then to end off our perfect day we went to watch the dolphin show. Well Shannon was beside herself when she saw these beautiful mammals. She went from rigid to floppy to starring in wonder. Mary took Shannon down to the tank when the kiddies were called to get splashed and she squealed again (Shannon not Mary), this time in sheer delight and then dissolved into giggles! After all this activity we left Sea World at about 4pm wondering how anyone can fit in all the attractions there as well as going to the water park that weaves it's way through it! Shannon was so tired it was a bit like looking after a drunk person and she was fast asleep within about 10mins of getting in the car. All in all a perfect day. Thanks Mary! And thank goodness the windows were closed!

Sucker for punishment!

I find running (read walking, as at this stage 30mins walking is tiring enough) on a treadmill exceptionally dull but, as it is the only option I have for consistent and worthwhile exercise, I'll take it. I spend the time engaged in 'useful' thinking. This is thinking that should have some positive impact on life in general. Useful Thinking, as it turns out, is not always a good thing. At least not when you think about deep and meaningful things that can impact one's life. In fact it can be down right dangerous!

It occurred to me a year and a half ago that in order to improve my lot and maybe make a difference to other peoples lives, I should start an education process that will take me 3 and then 1 and then 2 years (undergraduate, honours, masters) to complete which will qualify me, at least on paper, to help people with any number of psychological problems to overcome their issues. Me. Really. Now, I realise that I am only half way through the first stage but I am having a bit of a speed wobble. How will I ever know enough to be a bona fide psychologist. This speed wobble came about whilst walking on that dangerous thinking machine. The other thought that TDTM brought to my conscious is: what am I thinking that I am capable of doing such a thing? Degrees are for clever people who are usually intrinsically motivated and who have a highly efficient long term memory for storing and retreiving volumes of information pertaining to their career of choice. When I grow up I want to be one of those people, but for now I live in hope that no one will guess my secret and expose me as a bit of fraud! Damn TDTM!

As it turns out, my motivation and my need to engage in Useful Thought seems to have been too much for the old machine and it has had a speed wobble of its own. This means that it is lying in state with a number of parts missing, (Sean has those and I know not what they are or what they do, that is Sean's business!) unable to tempt me to think and certainly not letting me take that exercise that I have been highly motivated to undertake. So here I sit, not getting any fitter but feeling a good deal better about my education. Now, where's that Pilates DVD?

Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations

I recieved the following in an email not too long ago and I think the fact that I recieved it again this morning means it warrants some sort of permanence in my existence. I desperately want to be given the oportunity to use the well deserved title and hope that all you research associates, senior research associates, executive senior research associates and associate recearch assistants out there get the chance to use it too!

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a ...?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it??? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ballpoint pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters).. Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom." Motherhood!

What a glorious career!

Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations"

And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?"

I think so!!!

I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants."

AMEN!!

A Risk to National Security!

Jordan is 3 months old...already!...and I felt it about time I put some effort into acquiring official bits and pieces such as passports and British citizenship, only to discover he does not qualify because neither Sean nor I were born in England. He is a baby. How is it possible that a BABY can be denied citizenship that a parent is entitled to? Not to mention it is the ONLY citizenship that I am entitled to!

Here are the results of my quest for information on the next step:

ME:

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a British person living in South Africa and my son has just been born here. I was not born in the UK and got my right to citizenship through my parents who were both born there. I have discovered that my son does not qualify for a British passport unless I register his birth before his first birthday. Please can you let me know what this involves, where I can find the forms and how much it will cost. Also, is it possible, and if so any easier or cheaper, for me to get someone in England to register his birth over there? My first child was born in England nearly 4 years ago and she, my husband and I all have British passports, so it is frustrating not being able to get one for my son!

I appreciate any information you can give me.

USEFUL ADVISOR:

Dear Sean

The child will not be eligible for a British passport unless you hold a Naturalization certificate, or can prove that you resided in the UK prior to his birth.Registration is no longer necessary.

ME:

Hi Barbara (I only know her name because it is in the email address)

What is a naturalization certificate and where do I get one from? What exactly do you need for me to prove that we were living in the UK?

Thank you
Jane

ADVISOR:

Dear Jane

Tax certificates, salary slips, utility bills etc proving you were living there for that period.

ME: (this time I decided to ask a lot of questions so she could just answer each oneand not have to think for herself)

Hi Barbara,

OK I can do that. Is there a form to fill in? Who do I show the proof to? Does it have to be all or any of the examples you gave? Can I email them? Do I have to do it before he is a certain age? How do I go about getting the passport once I have proved that I used to live in England? Can it be done from South Africa? How many months/years worth of proof do I need to show? Is there any other information I need to go ahead with this?

Thanks
Jane

ADVISOR: (I was a bit optimisitc it seems)

Dear Jane

These must accompany the application and send as much evidence as possible

ME:

OK Thanks
Jane

ADVISOR:

Only a pleasure

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What pleasure???? I knew more BEFORE she 'helped' me!

Other than this 'helpful' interaction I have spoken to a lady in Pretoria who has given me some different advice and looked at 3 govenment websites which also claim different things. This is what I have read/been told so far:

• I must register his birth in the UK

• That I cannot register his birth

• That he must get a visa and live there for 3 years to qualify

• That if I can prove that I have lived in England for 3 years he will qualify automatically

• That my residence in the UK is irrelevant

• That if I have a naturalisation certificate for my own birth he will qualify automatically

• That I must apply before he is 12months old

• That there is no time constraint

• That I must apply before he is 18
  

Anyone else got any advice that might be a bit more useful... I would GREATLY appreciate it! Or is my 3 month old son a genuine risk to national security?

AAAAGGGHH!

Right, I am on my soap box so beware!!!! Before I start ranting I would just like to mention that I LOVE living in South Africa, but that doesn't make it all OK!

We have appliances...electrical ones... that make life easier and more interesting in some ways, such as a microwave (mine can roast a chicken in 45 mins) and a TV, for those fleeting moments when there is something good to watch, among other things! Well, not any more! I lie, we still have them, they just don't work.

We are lucky, I am told, as we have a schedule to follow to know when we are going to be without power... how is that lucky? I pay my bill, I am therefore ENTITLED to power ALL THE TIME! AND I am entitled to working appliances...electrical ones...that are not blown up by a power surge when they switch it back on! I know, I know...unplug them! Not always possible for various reasons especially when you are out and they haven't mentioned that they are starting the schedule again!

The second complaint I have to make is to the weather man: please warn us when a HECTIC storm is going to be directly overhead targetting our house and specifically our modem, with the possible - thankfully failed - intention of frying Hubby to a charred crisp in the process. Yes, we have been cut off from the world for 4 DAYS!!! I nearly had a complete nervous breakdown!

Anyway, we at least have fixed the internet issue, now to find a new microwave and TV!

My third gripe of the day is that the petrol price is going up in double digits again tomorrow. This morning I topped up the just over a quater of a tank that I had used and what used to cost about R100 cost me R170 and tomorrow it will cost me EVEN MORE. Bread, which is a staple food for many of the poorer people in this wonderful country, cost around R5 last year, now costs nearly R8 per loaf! I am, in fact, going to refrain from ranting about the weakness of the rand as I have run out of Rescue Remedy!

I am told these are minor set backs and things are bound to improve, but surely this standard of living is no longer all it's cracked up to be! Surely somewhere else in the world we can find some of the good stuff South Africa has to offer without all the bad stuff... or is this just a case of greener grass in other pastures?

I remain torn!

Stranger Danger and other Areas of Concern!

At school and at home Shannon is constantly reminded about Stranger Danger. I find this topic to be an eternal minefield of 3 year old logic and adult inconsistencies! First let me ask this: how is it OK that we tell our children NEVER to talk to strangers and certainly never to accept things from them, and then at Christmas encourage them to go and sit on a strange man's lap and ASK for a pressie? As adults we can see the (slight) difference, but at 3, 4, 5 years old... certainly not!

My other dilemma in this issue is that I am trying to raise friendly, confidant and outgoing children and that means they need to develop the ability to talk to people they have never met and not to be terrified of them. Now, once again, as an adult, I can see that there are situations in which children can talk to strangers and times when it is wholly unsuitable... how do I explain the difference to Shannon?

Her latest take on the whole situation is that if she acknowledges that the person is a stranger it is OK, so whenever we go to the shops and she sees a car guard, for example, she shouts: "Hello Stranger Danger!" One feels the poor man needs an explaination, but where to begin?

Shannon also feels it is sensible to ask someone if they are a Stranger Danger, which sorta defeats the object, since if they really were a danger they would be vey unlikely to mention it!

The other thing that has evidently become an Area of Caution for us is Shannon's ability to listen to and repeat what we have said. There is a man who parks his car in our complex on the grass outside our neighbour's house. He does not live in the complex but feels his handbreak won't hold on his own driveway. We are asked not to park on the grass anyway as it has a bit of a negative impact on the quality of our front lawns. Sean said something about this, under his breath, when leaving with Shannon to go shopping and Shannon asked why he had his cross face on. So Sean told her that the man was naughty for parking on the grass. Not long after this we saw the man getting into his car and Shannon said loudly, as 3 year olds do: "That man's naughty, hey Daddy!" Once again... where to start with an explaination?

And, just because I am an overindulgent parent:
Not sure how to turn it so if anyone has any ideas please let me know!

Winter Weekend

If this is the onset of winter already then I am sorely dissapointed with South Africa's abismal effort at summer this year. Summer did not really arrive until mid January, then we had an unforgivably hot February (which was bliss if you were by the pool and more than a little uncomfortable if you were working outside!) followed by a week of the same in March and now, mid march, we are back to jerseys and longs! By my calculation that is a shorter summer than even Mud Island gets! And the weather is one of the reasons we live in this part of the world! Those reasons seem to be diminishing one by one! Ah well, anything to make The Decision easier!

This weekend, weather notwithstanding, has been funfilled and interesting. On Friday night we went, with the rest of the family, to watch Kyle perform in a play in Westville. On top of outshining the rest of the cast with his acting ability, Kyle wowed the audience with his singing. We are all very proud of him, none more so than Shannon. I was a little nervous as to how Shannon would behave at the play as it started at 8pm and finished at 10:30pm, so I made sure she had a late afternoon nap and supper before we left and then just had to wait and see. She was spellbound. Just my luck - with 2 kids in tow -they were filming that night and asked everyone to keep the noise limited to that of applause (!) This added to my apprehension somewhat but where Shannon was concerned I need not have worried! The one comment Shannon did make was to Sean:

Shannon: "Daddy, that's Kyle Hey?"
Daddy: "yes it is!"
Shannon: "But that girl called him Seymour" (!)

Oh yes, and she took the mick out of the 2 young men sitting behind us! They laughed... she copied them! They heard! EVERYONE disolved into giggles... giggles that may or may not mesh with what you see on the video!

Jordan was another story - perhaps because I assumed (never assume with kids) that he would sleep, as he normally does, at that time! Anyway he eventualy fell asleep and I spent the evening proudly watching Kyle... and Shannon!

On Saturday we went to Hilton to the Dedication of Noah Clulow, which was lovely. Despite the weather it was a fantastic day. Once again it was Jordan and not Shannon who couldn't sit still and poppet behaved brilliantly throughout! Who'd a thunk! Anyway continuing with the good behaviour, Shannon sat on the floor at Al and Susie's house, where we went for lunch afterwards, and played quietly with Noah' toys... and then packed them away afterwards when I asked her to.

From there we went to George's 'posi' to watch rugby and braai... in the rain... and that is were the wheels fell off! Running on the tiles outside Shannon did a complete wheels up and landed on her head! Children, being more resilliant than we give them credit for, seem to hurt less than we would under the same conditions, and other than a sore head she was fine...

After all the excitement of the 2 previous days, we spent Sunday pottering around the house! In tracksuits and slippers...in March!

Our very own Evil Knievil

Having not done the bicycle thing for a while in order to allow my frayed nerves a chance to recover, today we thought it would be a good way of expending some energy! So, with Jordan in the pram, and Shannon on her bike, we set off along 50 meters of flat road. Flat, that is, until the end where it becomes a Very Steep Hill.

Shannon was ahead of Jordan and me. She didn't stop at the end. Emitting a howl of dimay she went HURTLING down the Very Steep Hill. (We have still not mastered the breakes due to Being Too Small) Leaving Jordan in his pram in the middle of the road I took off at a sprint to try - in vain - to catch her before the inevitable happened - she had to stop somewhere - She then levelled out and narrowly missed hitting a parked car, instead heading for another Very Steep Hill. Once again, still howling and hurtling, she successfully negotiated the hill... then crossed the road (this is not as bad as it seems - we live in a complex and Sunday afternoons are usually devoid of people) and crashed into the pavement on the opposite side. The front wheel stopped right there, Shannon and the back wheel leapt with great agility over the front wheel, Shannon landed on her head in a bush with the bike on top of her. She has NOT A SCRATCH! There are 2 small holes in her helmet which would, presumably, have been holes in her head had helmet not been in situ! I gathered her up, still howling from fright - her, not me - and grabbed the bike in the other hand to get back to Jordan before someone ran into him - I know, sunday afternoon... complex... devoid of people... did I ever mention I'm a little paranoid?

We came home for some rescue (for me) and to swap bikes to the black plastic motorbike (for her) and went for a walk. Avoiding hills.

Bicycle is locked in the garage... have considered throwing away the key!

POWAR

Protect Our Women Against Rape

This morning was the scheduled court hearing for the rapists... we turned out in force! Hundreds of people drove to the Pinetown Court House for a silent protest against crime in this country. The support for Jessica was overwhelming, and it was uplifting to see how many people care and how many people are willing to at least try to make a difference. People held up placards and banners condemning rapists to the death penalty and calling for crime to be stopped, many people carried candles representing the need for peace in our country.

Hopefully we have set a precedent for the future for people to stand up visibly against crime, no matter what creed or colour, rather than complaining about it behind closed doors.

After the Pinetown court house, a great many people went back up to the Hillcrest police station where these criminals are being held and, with the use of a loud hailer, told them in no uncertain terms, in Zulu so there could be no misunderstanding, what will happen to them if they EVER get out on the streets of South Africa again. I think they messed with the wrong girl.

As for Jessica, I am awestruck by your bravery and openness in this terrible lifechanging incident. That this happened to you is devastating and unforgivable, and you must allow yourself to grieve, but your strength will help others to speak out and get help and that is something to be immensly proud of.

Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your dad on the long road ahead.

NOTE ADDED: I was disgusted to hear that the event at Hillcrest Police Station turned sour and those who were supposed to be standing up against crime were harassing innocent passers by and causing chaos. This is NOT the way to make our point.

Jessica's Courage

This evening Jessica, who is the survivor of the atrocious rape incident on Sunday, spoke out on Newswatch on East Coast Radio. Her message was to all the other women who have suffered this heinous crime to speak out and get help. All the sick bastards who were involved have been caught and are behind bars tonight. There is irony in the fact that their lives within a South African jail will be afflicted by incidents similar to the crime they committed! My personal preference would have been a shoot out in which they were all killed, but I suppose we have to be grateful for small victories.

Jessica has shown amazing courage and resilliance and our thoughts and prayers remain with her, her father and the rest her family as they strive to put this devastating incident behind them and move on with their lives.

Violent crime

In South Africa we live with violent crime around us all the time. In theory the trick is to be alert and cautious and you will remain safe. The reality is very different. It can happen to anyone at any time.

In order to stay living in South Africa, one develops an ability to put the terrors of violent crime to the back of the mind, in order that we do not spend our days in fear of doing anything. This means that we live normal, happy lives in a beautiful country. Unfortunately, however, the high incidence of violent crime in South Africa ensures that it is never long before someone in our own circle of friends has their life changed devastatingly and forever!

Yesterday a young lady in our community was gang raped at gun point while out walking her dogs. Her father, who was with her, was held at gunpoint while the sick bastards committed this heinous crime. I don't know any details so won't elaborate any further. Even in broad daylight it is unsafe to go out and enjoy our beautiful countryside.

So how do we go on living in our country? To me the only answer is: we don't. I have heard all the reasons to stay...

Well sorry, here is my reason to leave:

I have to protect my innocent children and I feel powerless to do that here!

As we all know I am a paranoid parent, which means that while living here I am not inclined to stray far from home alone with my kids... some idyllic life eh? But what it also means is that really I should be afraid even with Sean around. I can live with all the other things that come with living in Africa... but NOT the violent crime.

Luckily, or maybe hopefully, I will put this fear to the back of my mind again where it will hover until the next incident, and I can go on living a normal, happy life in a beautiful country.

The young lady and her father who survived this ordeal, however, may NEVER be able to do that. To you and your family, the hearts and prayers of our community go out to you, we hope you get all the support and guidance you need to regain some normailty in your lives.

To everyone else, take care and be safe.

ME time!

I am one of those lucky people who really genuinely enjoys her own company. I really rejuvinate when I get to have a couple of quiet hours where no work needs to be done and the kids are in bed and... Hubby is out! The thing is I like it on MY terms! Selfish I know but I make no excuse, its called ME time so there must be a certain selfish element to it!

This week Sean has been away. Since Tuesday. ME time has become Missing Sean time. He is not back til tomorrow! OK so he is working... earning our keep...but that is not the point, ME time ought to be on MY terms! Perhaps it is because I have not had much adult conversation for the last 3 days... and I have so many many words to get out. Sean will have no input for a few days when he gets back, other than 'hmmm' or 'mmhmm' or just 'mmmm'. On top of having to listen to me getting my words out, he will also have to listen to Shannon. Yup, she is a girl so also has LOTS of words to get out... believe me!

Jordan has discovered that it is easier to sleep than listen to his sister jabbering on (not even I can get a word in edgeways with that little motor mouth around!) and though he chats to me it is sort of along the same lines as my prediction for Sean - 'hmmm' or 'mmhmm' or just 'mmmm' - as well as aaaarrr, which is his favorite word at the mo! The difference is Jordan has NO idea what I am talking about (not sure if Sean actually ever does either come to think of it) so I tend to talk nonsense and therefore do not really get my words out!

Shannon had her teacher in stitches yesterday. She told her teacher that she had a baby in her tummy:
'Really?' asked the teacher,
'Yes,' says Shannon sincerely 'would you like to hold it?'
'Yes please,' says the teacher
'OK' says Shannon 'Just wait a minute while I pop it out!'

Shannon and I usually argue about which shoes she should wear to school, I want her to wear practical ones that she can climb and run in, and she wants to wear her pretty ones. Argument over... the monthly newsletter has just told us that shoes are unnecessary - children learn through all of their senses and feet count for the sense of touch too - and just get lost! YAY (for now... will have to rethink in winter!)

Jordan now weighs 5.3KG and is 57cm long (can't really call it tall as he is horizontal not upright!) Not surprising with the amount he eats, but I am fast running out of clothes that fit him!

A messy business

This weekend was... um... interesting, to say the least. On Friday our septic tank packed up which left us high and dry (literally) as we were totally unable to use our loos, shower, sinks or washing machine. Thankfully, Sean's hospitable brother and family came to the rescue and gave us the use of their grannyflat. So we spent the weekend in Hillcrest which turned out to be very nice.

On Monday the powers that be said they would sort out the tank, so we came home intending to spend the day here, having showered at Dean and Tracy's before we left. THE SMELL was APPAULING... Sean went to work and I went back to Hilcrest. Thankfully in the afternoon we got a call to say that all was clear and we could return home. YAY.

On the way home yesterday morning, Shannon, who had just woken up when we left (it was 6am) turned to me and said, in a very sleey voice, "Mom, I'm old" I said "well done, Poppet", for want of anything more intelligent to say, and in order to hide my mirth, and Sean cackled with laughter in the front seat - Jordan has relegated me to back seat travelling which means we are girls in the back and boys in the front! - I thought it better not to ask, so we are still in the dark as to why poor Poppet felt so old.

Today Jordan is 6 weeks old so we are off to the baby clinic for his jabs! Poor little man!