The Lost Smile

This week Shannon has not slept at school, at all. Really as a result of the incident and the fact that she has coped well without sleeping. However, once in a while she seems to need to catch up and, having reached that point, she collapsed on the couch when she got home one day, and was asleep before I even noticed! Being an indulgent mother and, knowing it would only be me who paid for it at bed time when she was refreshed and ready to play, rather than tired and ready for bed, I left her to sleep. Until bath time.

I was once given some worthy advice about sleeping children... let them sleep. Well, I woke her up. Only to be rewarded by Little Miss Grumpy. Only little in size. I asked her what was wrong so she said, "I didn't have a nice sleep." I asked her why, to which she replied "coz I lost my smile"

Now, indulgent parent I am but not so much so that I can't find it in me to tease my poor, defenseless offspring. Lost your smile? Oh dear. I'll help you find it!

And I searched. High and low. Pantomime style. Her Highness was not impressed. "It's not funny!" she told me. But it was. Very funny indeed. And I was enjoying myself so not ready to stop. Sean went and busied himself in the kitchen to avoid the wrath of Shannon, since he couldn't stop laughing. Jordan looked at me as if I had finally completely lost my marbles (presumably in deference to Shannon) I looked under the chairs, in the toy basket, under the cushions, in her mouth to see if she'd swallowed it...

Slowly but surely she began to see the funny side of it and, after watching me make a fool of myself for a few more minutes, she said to me in a whisper: "I know where my smile is!" Where? I asked her, "here!" says she as a big grin spread across her face! Hmmm, perhaps not so defenseless after all.

© Jane Hendry 2008

Where does the time go?

We have had a full and fun weekend. We did not stop moving and shaking until about 2pm yesterday afternoon. Shannon has been spoilt as only little girls can be, Sean and I have honoured two ladies who are very special to us, and Jordan has been adored by every person who lays eyes on him.

On Friday night we had a braai with our neighbours where we were regaled by all the gossip from around the complex and, though we were tired from a long week, sat up late laughing our socks off.

On Saturday we dropped Shannon off with her Aunt, Uncle and cousins for a morning of sport watching at her cousin's school and then some shopping. Shannon had a brilliant time at the school and was then introduced to clothes shopping the way it ought to be done (what would you like to wear, Shannon?) not the way Mommy does it(Sit in the trolley and don't touch!)! Anyway, when we saw her again at lunchtime the little princess was decked out in a beautiful little outfit, white and blue and very slightly frilly and looked like she should be on the cover of a magazine! If only I had my camera *sigh*

While Shannon was off being treated like the princess she is, Sean, Jordan and I were at a Natural Birth Seminar hosted by the Midwife and Doula who guided us through Jordan's birth. They had asked us to relate our birth experience to the expectant mothers who were not quite sure how the private midwife birth works (it is the norm in this country to have a gynaecologist in charge of a birth rather than a midwife). We retold the story of the amazing journey we had from beginning to end, and how those two wonderful women helped us create an experience worth remembering when our son was born. They were elated with the kind words and believed that many other women would want a private midwife at their side after hearing our story!

By lunchtime we were reunited with the now-more-beautiful-than-ever Shannon, who was distraught to discover that she was being left behind by her adored cousins while they went off to the stadium to watch 15 novice rugby players... erm... I mean the Springboks, receiving a lesson in humiliation from a rather more worthy Australian team. We watched in horror from the comfort of the couch at Sean's brother's house before feeding our sorrows with homemade pizza followed by pancakes. We got home at about 9pm.

By 8am on Sunday we were at the Verster's for a morning of natter for Trace and I and squealing delight from the masses of children we were surrounded by (and a little sawdust which seemed to find its way onto the floor in one of the children's' rooms) and Sean went off to the car sales with Quin (for boy fun)

Early afternoon we headed home and then I shot out to do the shopping (this is easier than stopping off with 2 children in tow) Sean sorted the house to a livable state and then we collapsed in a heap of exhaustion while, for a few precious moments, both children slept.

What a great weekend this was, fun and full to the finish - I think next weekend we'll opt to do a little less, though, I could use the rest!

Child rearing 101

So The Nanny has been here 3 weeks now and a number of issues have come up. None, you understand, that have not been resolved in my interest, but all, of course, which require a bit of work.

Dorcas and I do not see eye to eye on a few factors concerning Jordan:

1. Dorcas thinks he needs a dummy! I do not!

Dorcas is horrified that the poor child is not given a device that will possibly destroy his dental growth, certainly impede his speech development and, most of all, look ridiculous. ('Ach shame M'em he will feel better!')

2. I have a phobia about children and sugar! Dorcas does not!

"He can have Rooibos tea, Dorcas, but no milk!"
" And how much sugar M'em"
After I scraped my jaw off the floor, I asked her in my kindest scary voice to never, ever, EVER, give the little chap sugar, under no circumstances, EVER! I think I made my point clearly and have since secretly peeped in on breakfast and lunch operations... just to make sure!

3. I think it is fabulous for my little prince to fall asleep on me before he is put down to sleep. Dorcas looks at me down her well experienced nose and informs me he needs to sleep himself.

He is sleeping himself - on me - and really (I know you are all on Dorcas' side for this one) if he loves it and I love it it must be good for both of us!

4. When he sees me my little angel wants me.

This is a small house, I work in the dining room which is in the middle of an open plan living space. Where ever he goes, other than his bedroom or outside, he can see me. "you make him cross with me M'em" What can I do, I love it that I am so important to my children and so don't, perhaps, do enough to discourage this sort of behaviour.

So, we work on the rules, regulations and spying to the best of our ability in the hope that Jordan turns out all right in the end. Not that I am a control freak, nor paranoid, you understand!

The truth...as spoken by a 4 year old!

We have had an 'incident' at school recently which went something like this:

Shannon came home from school, on about 3 different occasions, saying that one of her teachers had smacked her at nap time for not going to sleep. (I also discovered that, due to following the example of a friend with a tendancy for bad behaviour, Shannon has hidden in the big tyre to avoid 'capture' at nap time!) When pressed about the subject of being smacked as well as that of hiding she would say brightly "it doesn't matter now" or "we've finished talking about that now" Which, I have to be honest, made me wonder if there was a little more to the story (or perhaps a little less) than was being told!

Nonetheless, I called the school and spoke to the head teacher who said that, unless something had changed drastically and she had not been informed, the accused teacher is the only one with an absolute no smacking policy. Let me just put you all at ease here, smacking is against the law in schools in South Africa, so when I say she is the only one who never smacks, I mean that goes for her own children too. So the likelyhood of her smacking someone else's child is rather remote to say the least! I was told under no circumstances to let Shannon know that I suspected an iota of mis-information from her (afterall we want her to believe that it is always safe to tell Mommy everything) as there was no way she could possibly know truth from fiction in this instance. Shannon is no fibber. She never has been, though she has occasionally led herself to believe something that actually isn't! This is one of those instances. Needless to say, the teacher in question is a little put out by the acusation (even though she is a pre-school teacher and she should know better).

So we have devised a new sleeping plan for Shannon in which she only sleeps twice a week (she no longer really needs a nap every afternoon) and I prompt her every morning as to what is expected of her. Yesterday, when I could get a word in edgeways, I asked Shannon about Nap Time earlier that afternoon:

me: did you have a nap today?
her: yes
me: did you hide from your teacher?
her: no only last week (can I insert here that her concept of time is vertually nil but her use of past tense just means that it happened before now!)
me: did you sleep nicely?
her: I went faaaaaaast asleep! but Kyla beat me!
me: Did Tina smack you?
her: It's not fair, my nose will grow like Minocchio.
me: Why will it do that?
her: It's not fair when I be naughty!
me: Were you naughty today.
her No, I'm a good girl but we've finished talking about that now.

I think that we can safely say that the smacking did not actually take place. I am still left wondering, though, how that little bit of fantasy found it's way into her head and became a reality for her? Something someone said...followed by a dream...??? Who knows.

Happy Women's Day

Today is Women's day in South Africa so, to all the women out there, have a great day and remember how special you are!!!

I have recently joined a community which, though I knew it was there, I never really grasped the closeness of. Reluctant Memsahib recently posted on a topic which, it seems, is very close to the hearts of many women. Certainly all those in this close community. Her words seem to have had a powerful effect on many of us! Potty Mummy recently posted on why she blogs... I identified with many of her reasons. Here are some of my own:

It is fascinating to consider that this group of people, very few of whom know each other face to face, and many if whom are spread across the globe, find that they have so much in common. I feel privileged to have a look in and to slowly become part of this community.

I have a great group of friends with whom I spend as much time as I can spare, we are all mothers, we are all women in a similar stage in life and we are all very different. Our time spent together almost always involves our children in one way or another. One evening every month we get together at one or another's house (and sometimes, when we are all free, for a morning coffee), without children, and we laugh. We can be just friends and just our Selves. For that time we are not mothers or wives or business owners or career women or any other of the many roles we have to play. We get to be the Selves that we were at 5 years old, and 18 years old and twenty something. Carefree.

Being part of this blogging community has given me another group of friends. I may not know them to wave to in the street, to stop and catch up on the recent past, but I can drop by any time I need a friend. Any time I need to see how they are, any time I need to offload the pressures of fulfilling all my own roles.

I love the all the roles I play in my life, from daughter and sister to wife and mother and every one in between. Sometimes I just like to be me.

I am happy that I am part of these special communities, real and virtual.

A different perspective

After a dearth of updates I seem to have a lot of words to get out at the moment... and perhaps a little more time to do so. Dorcas was not here yesterday due to the nationwide stay away to let the government know we are a little upset about the rising cost of food here! She had no idea there was a strike until she got up on Wednesday morning and saw the taxis barricading the roads, not letting the work force out of their villages. I forgot to mention it to her. It was nice to spend the morning playing with my gorgeous son and it cemented in my mind the fact that I have done the right thing by employing her. Dorcas I mean. I am adapting just the right amount. I think.

I had a friend around yesterday afternoon, mostly so our little girls could play together, but also so that we could catch up. She is a bit of a workaholic and, as well as running her own TWO businesses, has just picked up another job on the side! So her free time is precious. It was fantastic to chat. I often forget how similarly we think and, every once in a while, she exposes me to a different perspective, in a familiar idea, that changes the way I think. Yesterday she did this.

I am often charged with communicating poorly when my beloved and I do not see eye to eye (all our disagreements are through poor communication - his and mine). This is always made worse by being reminded that I am supposed to be good with words, I ought to know how to use them better. I never really thought about it til yesterday, but my words are carefully crafted, worked and reworked before they are presented, in the written form, for others to see. I am not able to revise my spoken words in the same way! I feel a little less pressurised to get it right under duress.

In my current state of openness to change, looking at things from a different perspective is helping to push my paranoia to the back of my mind. I would like to see everything from someone else's perspective, every day, in the hope that I can learn something new and add a little bit of difference to the Me that I am now.

On an entirely different note, Jordan's tooth, that has been trying valiantly to become fully erupted, has now managed to do so. The full tip of the tooth is exposed and the potential for tooth mark in skin has now been realised! Nonetheless, Mommy is very proud!

A lesson for me

In the interests of change I have also changed the look and feel of the blog... let's see shall we?

It is winter here in South Africa. At least in theory. July/August is usually chilly during the day and certainly very cold at night. At the moment the days are warm and the sky is very close to the deep blue that it usually only becomes in summer. It is warm enough for Jordan to spend half an hour outside in just a t-shirt, free of nappies and other restrictive, but warm, clothing; and for us to play in the garden all afternoon until bathtime. It's a little unusual.

I am enjoying the weather; I am one of those people who thrive on warm, sunny days. I am productive, positive and pleasant to be around. This is good. In the back of my mind, however, lurks a little unease. July shouldn't be this warm. It is winter afterall. Global warming feels more real now. I used to think of it as something far away and that, as long as I did my part along with everyone else, in time it would go away altogether. Perhaps not.

I will allow that thought to lurk for now. In the back. I can't help but love the blue sky, brightly coloured flowers (that are up and about a bit early this year) and the birdsong. I never used to notice many of the smaller things that happen on warm sunny days. Now Shannon points them out gleefully; a butterfly looks like a face "that one's a pretty lady mommy". We lie on the trampoline in the afternoon looking for shapes in the clouds and her imagination is startling. She points out all sorts of things, abstract things. I am enthralled by the world through my child's eyes. It seems as though as childhood dwindles so too does our realisation that thing are exciting and beautiful and worth noticing. I have learnt to pay attention finally (my parents will be pleased to read that) by learning to be a child again!

I think we should all take stock once in a while. Take notice of the world around us. And look after it, so generations after us can be reminded by their own children that we live on a beautiful planet. One which deserves our awareness and consideration if it is in danger of suffering heatstroke through our folly.

Change is good...

I think!

Today I feel better about things. Housework is being tended to and Jordan is quietly playing with his new best friend! I suppose the better we get to know each other and the more things get done my way (",) the happier I will feel. Yesterday I was a bit panicked and didn't really know where to start. Today I have realised - thanks to some wise words from Sean - that trial and error is actually ok. I don't have to be perfect or get everything right the first time.

Jordan has been much happier today too. Yesterday he was very unsettled and last night, when we should have been sleeping, he thought it would be fun to play with Mommy since Mommy had ignored him all day!!! Although after some discussion Jordan agreed to sleep as long as it was on me. Have I mentioned he is nearly 9kg? Well, you try sleeping with 9 bags of sugar on your chest! Nonetheless at least he slept!

Dorcas also seems to be more confidant today. I suppose yesterday was pretty daunting for her too. She quit a secure part time job she loved to come to me (almost) full time. If that were me I would be scared that I could have made the wrong decision. She is very good with His Majesty Jordan who seems to be putting a lot of effort into making her feel welcome. He sits on the floor beside her dutifully playing with the toys he is presented. Then, when he thinks she's not looking, I get a sly look of pride at how well he is playing his part! Clever little monkey!

Speaking of clever little monkeys, I was left speechless by Shannon the other day when she was eating a piece of toast. She wasn't being at all ladylike about how she was eating it and I said: "don't do that it's not polite!" to which she replied (with a mouth full of toast) "Yes it is! I put polite on it!" Who can argue with that?

I have to commend Shannon for her part in my return to fitness. Yes, she is my new personal trainer. It happens that she LOVES to jump on her trampoline when she gets home from school... every day... with me. Who would have thought that the most effective form of exercise I have ever tried would be so easily maintained by playing with my children!

Changing times!

The theme of this blog is really intended to be about my children and their antics. It seems to have been a bit wobbly though, going off track often and haphazardly. A dramatic change has just taken place in our lives (well mine and Jordan's anyway) in that - and I know that many people do this and that, at least in South Africa, it is considered the norm - I have just relinquished a portion of Jordan's care to a nanny. I am a bit of a control freak and, as I sit here typing, they are happily playing in his bedroom. I can hear them. I can't see them. I can't control the passage of play. I am feeling a little freaked out. In the interests of making myself feel better I am going to reign in this blog and centre it, at least for the time being, around this new state of affairs. So here goes.

Dorcas has come for the first time today. I am a little unsure how to manage her. I want things to go my way but at the same time I don't want to be a tyrant to work for. I expect Jordan will be happy as she is totally focussed on playing with him at the moment. I wonder if this means he will sleep less often but for longer? I want her to do house work too. How do I go about setting a routine that works for me as well as for Jordan? I foresee a week of trial and error ahead of me. I want to find this easy but I don't.

Actually I am a bit pathetic I think. I have to work now, I have exams coming up and a writing career to get off the ground. I work FROM HOME. I am not leaving my precious litte boy at a creche where I can't keep my eye on him. I am not leaving him at home alone with Dorcas (who comes highly recommended by the way) I am here. They are here. Hmm. he is crying. The tired cry. How will she know?

I am off to do some managing. Wish me luck.

Oh peanuts!

So, monkeys are cute looking creatures... from afar. And enjoyable to watch playing in the garden. I don't find them so cute when they are ransacking my kitchen.

I was at my neighbours house, chatting and not bothering anyone and, in fact, happily watching the monkeys play, when the garderner came running saying that the monkeys had got into my house. MY house. Ugh! Now, I am not sure if the window had been left open too wide or if the mangy creatures have worked out how to open it. Whatever the case, they were inside. They ate all our fruit, especially enjoying Jordan's banana that I was hoping to feed him that afternoon. There was naartjie (clementine, in English, I think) peel all over the place and, for a reason known only to himself as there is no food down there, one big monkey was in the bedroom! Ugh.

We had bought a packet of raw peanuts to take with us on our little up-coming holiday, with the intention of roasting them over the fire. Well they were uneaten and scattered all over the kitchen. At least EAT the things if you are going to ruin someone elses plan for them. Don't just cover them in monkey germs and leave them behind.

We will buy more peanuts. And leave the windows shut when we are out. As long as they don't come visiting when we are in, as they look at me in disgust and carry on as if I had actually asked "would you like another one?" when I try to shoo them out, and they are about the same size as my oldest child. That's a little scary for me. Sorry monkeys, but please go back to stealing Brian's food, that's as entertaining for everyone else as it is for you!

Shameless punt...

I have recently discovered that, with a little bit of creativity, I can make a few pennies (or cents in my case) from writing articles. This happened completely by accident as I was both bolshy and lucky enough to convince an editor to take my first attempt at writing and print it in her magazine! Of course this made me think it was really easy so I set about adding some details to a writers website and then, since I didn't have a clue what to do next, I left it at that.

Being a Mommy doesn't leave much time for thinking about things other than the here and now so, other than the excitement of the article actually being published, I thought nothing more of it. But then, out of the blue, I was commissioned by 2 other editors, and so, here I sit, thinking I really could be a writer! So I've made a website to market my ability. I know, I know, don't get ahead of myself, but since it was free to build and free to publish I see no harm. But. People need to know it is there. So (if anyone still reads this very intermittent blog) go check it out!

Nothing makes more sense to me than pursuing an interest that can earn me a little income while I spend my children's younger years at home with them, on my own schedule! I can get my career (?!?) going when they have better things to do than spend time with Mommy!

Shannon told me today that she wasn't going to jump on her trampoline because she was too cross with the monkeys that had been playing on it while she was at school!
I asked her why she thought the monkeys had been on the trampoline and she said: "because they told me!" while giving me a are-you-always-this-thick look and then stomping off Being Cross!

Jordan got himself in the proper, ready to move crawling position today. He then got very frustrated and squealed at a pitch that is almost only audible to dogs, because he couldn't get himself out of it. Once order was restored he did look very proud of himself though!

Those are the moments I would miss if it weren't for the privilege of being a work from home Mom.

Been a while...

Funny how inspiration comes in fits and starts. Was it Einstein who said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration? I only have about 1 % inspiration at the moment so perhaps if I put in a little more effort I could fall into that category!

Jordan will be 6 months old on Monday and I have no idea where the time has gone. In a way it seems he is quite old already but then at the same time he is still a tiny baby! My revision timetable starts in August and I am thanking my lucky stars that I do not have to send my little boy to school yet in order to be able to work. I was going to you know. At 6 months old. I know this is normal and not a matter of choice for many people these days and in fact they go even younger, most creches take babies from 3 months. For me it feels foreign and very unnatural. I have a child minder/maid starting in August who has been recommended to me by the owner of the school Shannon is at. I will still be at home and so will my baby but someone else will be there to play with him while I work! This is a compromise I can cope with. The other great thing about this is that I will have more time to write. Anyone know any editors looking for freelancers? Here sits a freelancer looking for work!

Yesterday was definitely a wintry day! We have had such a mild time of it thus far. For the first time this year (except when it is raining) I did not take my jersey off before going to fetch Shannon from school in the early afternoon. Yesterday Jordan and I went for our walk bundled up even though the sun had puffed it's chest out and was trying valiantly to warm the air around us! Today is also very cold and I think that brave southern sun has lost its battle with the clouds that seem to chase it across the sky.

Shannon has a frog in her tummy. He has been there for a while. Ever since she got a cough, in fact, and sounded a bit hoarse. I said she had a frog in her throat and, having found it's way to her tummy, it seems to have taken up residence. She is quite fond of her frog and gets a bit upset when anyone mentions that perhaps it has gone home now. This frog is the reason she can or can't do things. People might, perhaps, think she is trying to absolve herself of responsibility, but I think it is ingenious. If she can't do something she says the frog won't let her, and then when she is feeling more capable she can try again. This is especially true of the monkey bars at school. Shannon tells me every day that she can't do the monkey bars and that her friends can. She tried. Everyday. I am saddened for her. She ought to be able to do anything she wants. Her frog is there for her though. If she can do it she feels good, if she can't she can blame the frog.

I need a frog too.

Positivity Please

I have begun to wonder why the world is coming off the rails. There is something very discomforting about the fact that my last 2 posts have ended in "Rest in Peace". Something is out of control and it must be stopped. So, in order to stem this as best I can I am going to insert some of the brilliant things that have happened recently while all this badness has tried to take over.

• Someone VERY special came to stay! I am not saying who as I selfishly told no one he would be here so that I could have him all to myself for 48 hours and because he is so wonderful others might be jealous and get cross with me. But anyway, we spent an awesome 48 hours together and caught up on so much... and ate mountains of rusks dipped in tea! I wish a certain lady could have been here too but we can't have it all, eh!
  

• My Cyborg brained big sister (actually she is tiny but since she is older than me she must be referred to as big) got her Doctorate! So to those of you out there that do not have mitigating circumstances - like I do - it's Dr. Clare from now on if you don't mind!

• I have mitigating circumstances when it comes to calling Clare Doctor. For very good reason! I asked her, when she told me she had passed her viva, what she would do now that she had reached the pinnacle of education, she said now she would try to get published. I've already achieved this so evidently I am one step ahead of her and therefore don't have to call her Dr.! (PLEASE do not burst my bubble by pointing out flaws in this logic... positivity is required in my life!)

• My ebullient little sister (yes she is little so this fits) seems to be on the right track for where she wants to be in life and is finally in a fabulous relationship with a fabulous man!
  

• I have been commissioned to write 2 more articles which makes me a bona fide writer as far as I am concerned. And I have been paid for every article I have submitted! None of this writing-for-free-to-make-a-name-for-yourself rubbish! (Although if needs must...)
  

• Kim is coming home!!! Yay!! For the record, Kim, we miss you LOADS. It may be just for a couple of weeks but a little dose of Kim is required by lots of people that I care about!

• Buddy and Grandma Hendry are also headed in our general direction so there will be plenty of family support at a time when it is well needed!
  

• I don't have tonsils so I couldn't catch tonsillitis from Tracey (sorry Tracey but this is about me!)

• Best of all, through some kind of friend ESP, Tracey has just arrived with avo and toast (well bread but (positively) we have electricity to make it into toast) and come to see me just when I was thinking I could really use a friend.

• I am about to eat avo on toast... mmmmmmm!

Right, that is a fair amount of positivity which should keep me going til the next post which, with any luck, will start to be good news again!

The Hendry Family

This blog is becoming a bit morbid but, devastatingly, the tragedy continues...

Yesterday, my niece Amy and 2 of her friends, Jennifer-Rae and Kate, were driving to the South Coast to go camping with some other friends for the long weekend. En route they stopped in Amanzimtoti to change drivers, and were hijacked. At 3:40 in the afternoon. In broad daylight. In a public place. The.... you have no idea what words I want to use here... I will settle for: callous, audacious, beasts shot Jen, who was in the drivers seat, and it seems the same bullet tore through Jen and into Kate who was in the passenger seat. Kate is in ICU and at this stage we do not know the repercussions of her injuries. Amy was physically unscathed, but, after being a victim of the attack, taking Kate to safety, having her belongings violently wrenched away from her, and holding and talking to her dear friend Jen in her final moments, will never be the same carefree young lady that she was.

Amy has an amazing support group in her many, many friends as well as her ever doting family and I am so grateful that she is constantly surrounded by them at this time.

I am ANGRY. I am scared, I am shocked, I am terribly saddened, but most of all I am ANGRY. How DARE they do this to 3 young women with so much going for them... how dare they do this to ANYONE. How brazen they were, attacking the car in a populated shopping street in broad daylight. This is what South Africa has come to. I loved this country, I wanted my children to grow up here. I haven't wanted that for a while now. It is pushed to the back of my mind, since we have to go on with our lives and we have to have lives. We have to do things and go places. We can't barricade ourselves in our houses.

We are leaving. It is just a matter of when. There are many, many people in this beautiful country who say they will never leave. I can't be one of them. I have to take my children somewhere where they have a chance to grow up without fear in their hearts.

I have so much else I want to say. I can't find the words. Our hearts go out to Jen's family, God give you strength. Kate, we are thinking of you and wishing you a full recovery. Amy we love you dearly and are here for you whenever you need us.

Rest in peace Jen.

The Coughlan Family

Today a good number of my Coughlan family are gathered in Zimbabwe for the funeral of my Aunt Sheelagh. She was killed in a car accident on Friday. Our thoughts are with her husband, Brian, her children, Lauren, Brian and Lindsay, and all her brothers and sisters, as well as all the rest of our grieving family. We are all shocked by this tragedy!

Tomorrow, this family will be taking Granny Coughlan's ashes to their final resting place, Chitora Farm, Rusape, where Grampa Coughlan is waiting for her. Gran passed away on April 24th this year. Sheelagh will also be laid to rest with Granny and Grampa at Chitora.

There is enough grief now - please give us a chance to deal with it all!

Rest in Peace

Feeling flat!

This blog is intended to be a (hopefully) comical look at the Fab Four who make up this wonderful family of mine... today it is, however, a place for me to off load a bit. So if you prefer your whine in a glass (and without the h) leave now!

There are lots of things making me feel a bit flat - I am not going to go into the biggest causes because I am feeling a little private about it all. Perhaps once some time has passed.

Maybe a little has to do with the weather and the fact that - due to two unnamed (but very short and dependent) people - I have had very little sleep in the last week, but I am feeling FLAT today. Yesterday I was OK, I was productive and chirpy and positive about so much (hmmm the sun was shining yesterday, wonder if there is a coincidence?)

Anyway, GinGin has broken down and has to be towed to the car hospital. At least she hasn't completely broken down but those in the know think that if I drive her again she will... something to do with no oil pressure. So I am driving Sean's car... not VERY pleased, although most think I am crazy as GinGin is a Ford Tonic (hence the name) and Sean's car is a merc! Still prefer GinGin!!! And since we are not entirely sure what the problem is, we are not entirely sure how long it will take to get sorted which therefore follows that we are not entirely sure when I will get my car back. A BIG downside to this is that I have to drop Sean off at his Boss's house at 6:15am for work and fetch him afterwards. Grrr. I want my car back!

My next topic of disgruntle-dom is judgemental people. Who or what gives anyone the right to judge people they don't know, without giving themselves a chance to get to know them...properly? Usually this doesn't bother me because how I feel about myself and those around me is what is important to me not what others (who do not know them) think of them... today I am feeling judged by the world. Not for any apparent reason mind you, just out of the blue. For what it is worth I am a very nice person and worth the effort! I know, I know... build a bridge and get over it! *snif*

OK I am done wallowing. For now.

Jordan has decided that there is more to life than sleeping and therefore has given it up... indefinitely. I have a feeling that the sleeplessness has something to do with teething, but only because I have exhausted all other possibilities as he has no other specific symptoms except putting things in his mouth which is normal anyway!!! He has also learnt that if he squeezes his fat tummy in a certain way and purses his lips he can squeal. Loudly. And incessantly. Very cute... or a form of Chinese torture.

Also, he has decided that my advice to him that he should try to meet his developmental milestones at the end of the appropriate age, rather than the beginning as Shannon did, is a load of rubbish and sat beautifully by himself at the tender age of four and a half months. Which probably means I do not have VERY long before we need to dig out the baby gates to pen him in to the areas of the house in which I can see him at all times!

Shannon has been spoilt this year with her birthday present coming 3 weeks early - because a) we had nowhere to stash it, and b) we are not very good at denying ourselves the instant gratification of witnessing her pleasure and excitement. She got a trampoline. Second hand but she doesn't know the difference. It takes up most of our garden, but that along with the swings makes the garden what it is intended to be: children's playground!

Shannon's reaction was tenfold what we anticipated: Sean came home from work with the tramp and once Shannon had gone to bed, assembled it in the garden. Once it resembled a trampoline he went to get her out of bed. Shannon could not believe her eyes and did not release Sean from the biggest hug I think he has ever got! Then she hurled herself at me, then back to Sean all the time saying "my trampoline" over and over. Unfortunately for the little madam it is raining today so she has to stare longingly out the window at it...

Tomorrow will be a better day!

Out of the Mouthes of Babes

WARNING - NOT FOR SENSITIVE READERS.

My dearly beloved daughter, who always has us in stitches with her off the wall behaviour and statements, gave us a lesson (actually more like an imprompu exam...without the prior learning) in controlled parenting skills. In fact we had to maintain total self control in an instance where our natural reaction was to burst out laughing unstoppably!

We were sitting at the table having supper - which I have finally managed to organise so that the whole family eats together... long may it last! - and Shannon was telling us about her day, when, in her best gossipy voice, she came out with this:

Shannon: You know what Kyla James said at school? (his name is Tyler not Kyla but she hasn't clocked the difference yet)
Dad: What did Tyler James say?
Shannon: F***

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckliy - as there was little margin for error on our part - we were both able to not react to that and remained aware that in many ways it is not funny. Since she has no idea what the word means, and is only aware that there is something wrong with it due to the way the teachers reacted, the horror in her voice and on her face in her retelling of this event was why we really battled not to dissolve into uncontrollable giggles. Had we laughed, rather than sternly emphasising the need to NEVER repeat the story to anyone... ever..., she would have been a bit confused and probably gone on to tell other people who would have been absolutely horrified by our innocent daughter's language (although it is still early days with this one!).

Retrospectively, however, I am unable to maintain such composure, and keep getting those upwellings of giggles which, being the way I am, I am incapable of squashing. So I am paying for my sins by getting bewildered or pitiful looks from anyone and everyone around me. Not to mention the little madam herself keeps asking me why I am laughing!

The House of Sleep

Last night something strange happened in our house. This is how it all began: at bedtime, Jordan was screaming about something or other and there was no consoling him. Since I had gone through The List of possible options and nothing cheered him up I decided just to put him down to bed anyway. He stopped crying as I did this and stared at me in indignant surprise, as if to say who do you think you are? can't you see I am cross? Supressing the urge to giggle at his expression, I turned on his mobile and left the room. There was silence (except for the mobile music). I then went through the Shannon Bedtime Routine and got her settled. We sang a few songs together and then I went to enjoy a glass of wine in celebration of my Dad's birthday! Then Jordan realised I wasn't coming back, the mobile had stopped and he started to cry again... although this time with less enthusiasm. I went back to him and turned on the mobile again and walked out (trying VERY hard not to respond to the huge, open mouthed grin I got when he saw me!) Shannon took her usual hour to fall asleep but then the house was quiet. None if this is completely out of the ordinary, it has happened before... this has not:

• Jordan slept til 5am... without waking up...at all! I woke up! As did Sean. But Jordan slept, blissfully unaware that our broken sleep was still his doing!
• Shannon got up to go to the loo in the night and went back to her own bed!

I am not expcting any miracles and at this stage am putting it down to the fact that Jordan overheard me and Sean agreeing that Sean would do the Saturday night feed this weekend so that I could get some much needed sleep! Manipulative little monkey thinks if he sleeps through I won't bother to express and then I wil have to get up and see him if he wakes up!

Well we'll see.

Jordan was weighed and measured today and weighed 7.5kg and is 65cm long... getting too heavy to lug around everywhere - I need a baby caddy!

Go Home!

Shannon has found a new independence! She has always been very independent and determined to do things by herself. We know this as she says, leaving no uncertainty, "I can". But now it is beginning to define her existence! So now I am beginning to feel a little redundant as here are the things I am not allowed to help with:

• Getting dressed (no matter what she chooses to wear!)
• Brushing teeth
• carrying her school bag to the car (bonus - I used to look like a sherpa with all the things I had to carry)
• Opening the car door
• Closing the car door
• Doing up her seat belt

Anyway the list goes on and includes many areas of her life including food preparation, cleanliness, and self preparation. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to extend to self entertainment and I am still required to be number one playmate!

However!

Regularly, these days, when I drop her at school, Shannon likes to walk herself to the gate while I watch her safely into the door from the safe distance of the car. So she gives me a good bye kiss and waves to me from the door as someone lets her in! Today was different. Today she said "I can't kiss you mom as I have lipstick on (!) and I am at school so you can go home! Not even so much as a "have a nice day Mom" or "I'll miss you Mom" just "Go home".

*snif* my baby is a big girl... when did that happen?

Is the window closed?

Yesterday Mary (who is here from England) Sean, Shannon, Jordan and I went to uShaka to go and see the amazing aquarium and to watch both the Seal and Dolphin shows! When we arrived the first thing we saw were some small sharks swimming around below us in a tank surrounded by very real looking rocks and - luckily - a fence! With a sign on it. No Swimming. Do you suppose people really need that sign? I digress.

So we entered the very real looking ghost ship which houses the aquarium and, after descending into its dark and murky depths, we came across 3 portholes through which we could see a colourful array of fish. I tried, in my excitement on her behalf, to lift Shannon up to the porthole... She squealed in dismay and wriggled til I dumped her unceremoniously on her feet a good metre from said porthole! Mary leant forward to show Shannon that she could get right up to the glass to see the fish and the sharks - which I think caused most of the dismay in the first place - and Shannon asked, in a very small voice: "Is the window closed?"

After establishing that the windows were indeed closed, Shannon was unstoppable! She wanted to see everything and to move on to the next thing to see if it was as good if not better than what she had already seen. And what a perfect day we had. I footled around with Jordan who slept fed and stared, bewildered, at the sea life, Sean took pictures and Mary and Shannon look at sea creatures, talked about sea creatures, claimed sea creatures (those are my Dolphins, hey Mary!) and got drenched by sea creatures.

We arrived at Seaworld at about 10am and saw all there was to see in the aquarium, watched the sharks being fed, watched a seal training session and then later a seal pantomime (!), and then to end off our perfect day we went to watch the dolphin show. Well Shannon was beside herself when she saw these beautiful mammals. She went from rigid to floppy to starring in wonder. Mary took Shannon down to the tank when the kiddies were called to get splashed and she squealed again (Shannon not Mary), this time in sheer delight and then dissolved into giggles! After all this activity we left Sea World at about 4pm wondering how anyone can fit in all the attractions there as well as going to the water park that weaves it's way through it! Shannon was so tired it was a bit like looking after a drunk person and she was fast asleep within about 10mins of getting in the car. All in all a perfect day. Thanks Mary! And thank goodness the windows were closed!